Where do you direct your anger?

[Mi Bankruptcy]

Well said Flamingo,
Being a Christian I took some offense to the "Spaghetti Monster" However, I understood the point the person posting was trying to make. I "let it go" I tired to gather the substance of the message and put aside my dislike. Just as the person posting about "Job" tried to do. They used something they believed in to try to make a connection of how to deal with anger after drawing an inference from the subject line of the OP.

[relief13035]

I too "Let it go" when a poster wanted to argue with me. Wasn't worth my time or energy.

When I get angry I have learned to "pick my poison". I sit back and think "is this really worth arguing about?" Most of the time you will realize it's not.

Feed your spaghetti monster a few meatballs if that makes you feel good. For me - as a Christian, what makes me feel good, is knowing that I have eternal salvation.

Too each his own. I didn't come to this forum to convert anyone nor have I tried.

[BigJohn]

I'm not sure how to ask this, but I've been thinking about it for a while and I'm curious as to how other people are thinking. While I realize that my actions certainly contributed to my current predicament, the truth is that I had a completely manageable debt load until I lost my job this past year which was directly related to the mismanagement of the bank where I worked. I didn't play in the stock market, I didn't buy a home I couldn't afford, none of it (not that I'm saying people who did that are more responsible.)

So, all along this whole process -- the obnoxious collections agents berating me, the twentysomething "debt counsellor" talking down to me ("now do you know how to make a budget?"), the embarrassment of it all -- has really made me try to think about responsibility. Yes, I accept some blame (I'm not trying to get away from that) but increasingly I see all the people who helped put me here (incompetent political leadership, greedy traders making 100x my salary at the bank, a credit card industry that is completely immune to sensible regulation.)

All of this was precipitated by a particularly nasty collections call (Northland Group) where the "collections agent" basically started yelling at me about what a worthless piece of crap I am. I started laughing which made him even more mad and I told him that I didn't feel responsible for this situation at all before telling him bluntly what he could do to himself (Oh, did I mention that this call happened on Christmas?)

I guess I'm saying that there are times that I'm just really, really angry at this country and its "leadership" and some others (the upper management of the bank where I worked, for example) and while I know that everyone here is focused on the future (which is great) aren't some of you a little p.o.-ed at the present?

How do I control my anger?

I look at it that anger can be good, it can get me moving to do what I need to do. I had a person pull a revolver on me once and the person said they were going to shoot me. My anger got me out of that situation.

But anger, as the original poster had when receiving a call from a collection agency who made reference that she was a piece of crap, is something most of us have experienced. Hopefully that anger will prepare the original poster so as not to be a victim again. Hopefully the conversation will be recorded and possibly legal action will be taken against the collection agency.

[cetiya]

If your brother refused to get a lawyer to go after this person, why don't YOU get one to at least try to recover some of the stolen money! Who is this "Richard" and did he have his signature on file as to your mother's accounts or a Power of Attorney to give him access to her funds? Something is not right here unless your post is missing information. I certainly wouldn't sit around and let this matter go unless there is information you know about that you are not providing us. Sounds like embezzlement to me.

I think by now the statue of limitations is over, i dont have the money to pay for a lawyer, and my brother does. richard was recommended to my mom to be her trustee by his neighbor who was helping my mom. i think they were in this together, and she looked for sick scared widows to exploit. I feel she probably got a finders fee. also many sentimental items were missing from my parents home. richard put in the trust that he could invest the money in what ever he wanted too, but didnt even have the decency to tell anyone what he had done, didnt difersify the money, and spent it right after my dad died. i feel he is like a vulture, going after people like my mom with a hidden agenda in mind. supposedly he invested all our money in some stupid golf course in new york that went bankrupt. led us on for years telling us that this would be resolved soon and finally disappeared.
i think i'm more mad at my brother who has so much money that he just doesnt care and he knows I havent a freaken penny to my name.
i just dont want richard to do this to other widows, and to get away with it scott free. i hope he rots in hell. thank god my mom never knew what happened.

[Flamingo]

I think by now the statue of limitations is over, i dont have the money to pay for a lawyer, and my brother does. richard was recommended to my mom to be her trustee by his neighbor who was helping my mom. i think they were in this together, and she looked for sick scared widows to exploit. I feel she probably got a finders fee. also many sentimental items were missing from my parents home. richard put in the trust that he could invest the money in what ever he wanted too, but didnt even have the decency to tell anyone what he had done, didnt difersify the money, and spent it right after my dad died. i feel he is like a vulture, going after people like my mom with a hidden agenda in mind. supposedly he invested all our money in some stupid golf course in new york that went bankrupt. led us on for years telling us that this would be resolved soon and finally disappeared.
i think i'm more mad at my brother who has so much money that he just doesnt care and he knows I havent a freaken penny to my name.
i just dont want richard to do this to other widows, and to get away with it scott free. i hope he rots in hell. thank god my mom never knew what happened.

There are many con artists out there that do this for a living. I would report this person to the police and have his past record checked if possible and possibly file charges. The SOL in some instances starts when you became aware of the situation. I would get some legal advice since your mother and family were victims of embezzlement unless your brother was somehow involved and is trying to keep you out of it... That is just the way I see things from your postings...whatever you do is up to you.

[redwritingmom]

Back to the original topic of WHERE to place your anger...

Phillyman makes some great points about anger. To Aaaaaah, what you are feeling is a perfectly natural stage of grief. Your choice will be to park there in that anger or make some positive steps to move on, accept your new identity, and learn from it.

For now, where do you direct that anger? How about a journal? You can scream, rant, cry, mourn, question, and lament all you want without spewing it upon others. Yes, there were others involved in your downfall. Yes, our government is making scary financial decisions that make no sense for our future. Yes, the creditors can be mean, rude, and ignorant. Yes, it is ALL maddening. But what can your anger DO, really? Unfortunately, venting to those others will change neither their operation nor your situation.

So be mad. Then, write a nice note to someone who is doing something good. Things won't magically improve overnight, but as you make positive steps to move on with your life, you will emerge from this stage.

I feel your pain. I have been there. Check out my blog that deals with just this topic as it relates to bankruptcy: http://hopeforthebankrupt.blogspot.com

My best to you Aaaaaah as you move through this.

[Grider]

http://cop.senate.gov ---- tell them your anger, I did,

[Introuble2008]

OH BOY! This whole thread got ME angry!!! For those that claim the bible says to "NOT GET ANGRY" -- pooh pooh!!! Jesus got angry!!!! Remember the incident in the temple????? For heavens sake, it's a normal reaction to the bad being done to us. The BAD thing about it is if you let anger take over your life!!!! So - GET ANGRY, then forgive them, and MOVE ON! If you don't let it out, you'll have all sorts of health problems....I KNOW!!!!