Where do you direct your anger?

[Aaaaah!]

I'm not sure how to ask this, but I've been thinking about it for a while and I'm curious as to how other people are thinking. While I realize that my actions certainly contributed to my current predicament, the truth is that I had a completely manageable debt load until I lost my job this past year which was directly related to the mismanagement of the bank where I worked. I didn't play in the stock market, I didn't buy a home I couldn't afford, none of it (not that I'm saying people who did that are more responsible.)

So, all along this whole process -- the obnoxious collections agents berating me, the twentysomething "debt counsellor" talking down to me ("now do you know how to make a budget?"), the embarrassment of it all -- has really made me try to think about responsibility. Yes, I accept some blame (I'm not trying to get away from that) but increasingly I see all the people who helped put me here (incompetent political leadership, greedy traders making 100x my salary at the bank, a credit card industry that is completely immune to sensible regulation.)

All of this was precipitated by a particularly nasty collections call (Northland Group) where the "collections agent" basically started yelling at me about what a worthless piece of crap I am. I started laughing which made him even more mad and I told him that I didn't feel responsible for this situation at all before telling him bluntly what he could do to himself (Oh, did I mention that this call happened on Christmas?)

I guess I'm saying that there are times that I'm just really, really angry at this country and its "leadership" and some others (the upper management of the bank where I worked, for example) and while I know that everyone here is focused on the future (which is great) aren't some of you a little p.o.-ed at the present?

[JRScott]

Anger serves no good purpose.

The Bible reminds us that if a man be angry with his brother than he has no promise.

My advice is to pray and ask help in forgiving all those that put you in this predicament. Be as Job of old and seek not to wallow in the past or recriminations but work towards a better future for yourself, anger will only be as a stone tied around your neck. Let go of it.

[Genenco]

I'm not sure how to ask this, but I've been thinking about it for a while and I'm curious as to how other people are thinking. While I realize that my actions certainly contributed to my current predicament, the truth is that I had a completely manageable debt load until I lost my job this past year which was directly related to the mismanagement of the bank where I worked. I didn't play in the stock market, I didn't buy a home I couldn't afford, none of it (not that I'm saying people who did that are more responsible.)

I know the feeling. Everything in my life was pretty good too, till managment decided that 5% profit wasn't enough for their multi-billion company. So they went back overseas. The domino effect then started. I lose my job, can't pay bills. Car salesman can't sell, so he can't buy. Dealer can't employ, because he can't sell, bank won't extend credit, becasue dealer can't sell. Thus (Just like houses) it all starts with just a few, then it gets worse and worse.

So, all along this whole process -- the obnoxious collections agents berating me, the twentysomething "debt counsellor" talking down to me ("now do you know how to make a budget?"), the embarrassment of it all -- has really made me try to think about responsibility. Yes, I accept some blame (I'm not trying to get away from that) but increasingly I see all the people who helped put me here (incompetent political leadership, greedy traders making 100x my salary at the bank, a credit card industry that is completely immune to sensible regulation.)

Gordon Geko "Greed, for a lack of a better term, is good" Yeah right, damn the people, who won't survive my mad dash to MAJOR properity, full speed ahead!

All of this was precipitated by a particularly nasty collections call (Northland Group) where the "collections agent" basically started yelling at me about what a worthless piece of crap I am. I started laughing which made him even more mad and I told him that I didn't feel responsible for this situation at all before telling him bluntly what he could do to himself (Oh, did I mention that this call happened on Christmas?)

Heh! I know Northland quite well (When they could get ahold of me) "We need to resolve this" They'd say" "Sure thing" I'd reply. "Got a spare $12,000? I'm kind of short right now" They'd play on sympathy, (I'd tell them I had to kill my dogs to survive) they'd play on my responsibility of being a man and paying my bills (I'd ask them to call past employer about being a responsible company and re-employing me at previous paycheck and returning to the USA) They'd threaten me ("Catch me if you can" and if you do, I'll buy you dinner, because you'd be a collection company that would have some major pull to do that)

I guess I'm saying that there are times that I'm just really, really angry at this country and its "leadership" and some others (the upper management of the bank where I worked, for example) and while I know that everyone here is focused on the future (which is great) aren't some of you a little p.o.-ed at the present?

Yes I am. Had they asked the public, they know we'd have said no. So they just did it anyway "To preserve the way of life" (Read their paychecks, screw yours little man) I hate it that pinoy may be right in the postings he's done, we may be in for civil unrest the likes we've never seen...

[BigJohn]

I'm not sure how to ask this, but I've been thinking about it for a while and I'm curious as to how other people are thinking. While I realize that my actions certainly contributed to my current predicament, the truth is that I had a completely manageable debt load until I lost my job this past year which was directly related to the mismanagement of the bank where I worked. I didn't play in the stock market, I didn't buy a home I couldn't afford, none of it (not that I'm saying people who did that are more responsible.)

So, all along this whole process -- the obnoxious collections agents berating me, the twentysomething "debt counsellor" talking down to me ("now do you know how to make a budget?"), the embarrassment of it all -- has really made me try to think about responsibility. Yes, I accept some blame (I'm not trying to get away from that) but increasingly I see all the people who helped put me here (incompetent political leadership, greedy traders making 100x my salary at the bank, a credit card industry that is completely immune to sensible regulation.)

All of this was precipitated by a particularly nasty collections call (Northland Group) where the "collections agent" basically started yelling at me about what a worthless piece of crap I am. I started laughing which made him even more mad and I told him that I didn't feel responsible for this situation at all before telling him bluntly what he could do to himself (Oh, did I mention that this call happened on Christmas?)

I guess I'm saying that there are times that I'm just really, really angry at this country and its "leadership" and some others (the upper management of the bank where I worked, for example) and while I know that everyone here is focused on the future (which is great) aren't some of you a little p.o.-ed at the present?

I look at it that the future is based upon the past and present. If we try to ignore the past, we may have altered the future in which the outcome might not be as good as we want it to be. That is why I believe complaining when you have the opportune time to complain is good.

[floridian]

for those responsible, the french had the guillotine and the colonies had tar and feathers!

[Mi Bankruptcy]

Oh crap, save me from the bible thumping...please! If all that worked than I wouldn't need to file BK I could just pray my way out of this... this isn't the place to spread the word of "god" since not everyone here shares those same values.

Now on to the anger, I say let it rip!! It serves a great purpose and thats to keep you sane, your not alone, and I feel the same way, I feel let down not only by things that I did on my own, but by my whole country as it was being robbed. It wasn't my fault the mortgage melt down made it so I was not able to complete my remodel, nor was it my fault I got injured and social security is a 30 month wait to get a judge to hear your case. I had enough to get buy long enough (one year) but no one can plan on a three year wait. So no its ALL my fault and I get damn mad at those that point at finger and say, you should have known better.

I have no problem with anyone sharing their view on how they deal with anger. Be it self help from the bible or any other book, meditation or any other method. I also don't see how it was bible thumping. The person pointed out how they deal with it. BTW.. I am not a "bible thumper" but am versed in several parts of the bible.

"debt forgiveness" every 7 years(Deuteronomy 15:1-9). I presume that's where the U.S courts came up with only allowing you to file once every 7 years.

[dgjmj]

Anger serves no good purpose.

The Bible reminds us that if a man be angry with his brother than he has no promise.

My advice is to pray and ask help in forgiving all those that put you in this predicament. Be as Job of old and seek not to wallow in the past or recriminations but work towards a better future for yourself, anger will only be as a stone tied around your neck. Let go of it.

JRScott thanks I really needed that reminder today

[relief13035]

Anger serves no good purpose.

The Bible reminds us that if a man be angry with his brother than he has no promise.

My advice is to pray and ask help in forgiving all those that put you in this predicament. Be as Job of old and seek not to wallow in the past or recriminations but work towards a better future for yourself, anger will only be as a stone tied around your neck. Let go of it.

JR - please feel free to quote scripture all you want. Many of us DO believe and appreciate reminders of the great wisdom of the Bible.

[BillyRip]

While I am angry at myself for getting into this, I won't feel bad using a legal method, as has been pointed out to me, to get out of it.

I didn't intentionally set out to go broke. I guess I was in the habit of always using equity in my house to pay off cc debt. No that the equity isn't there, I don't have any other course of action after I wasted a year in debt settlement.

To see the banks of all people get almost a TRILLION dollars while still paying their CEO's billions, I don't care anymore.

The only thing that bothers me is the process.

[Never_Again]

Once in a while... I hear a news report, read an article, or read a post to a message board that just makes me go... WOW!

This is one of those moments...

Go ahead and be angry if you want to! Will it do anything to solve the problem? Probably not, but hey, maybe you will feel better! Anger is a normal emotion, and useful for moving on. They key is, when you can turn that anger to what you can do to improve yourself, THEN, you can move on.

GW Bush is not the fault of my problems (although in my state the Dems have been in power for over 40 years... not their fault either...), nor is Obama going to be the reason that I am coming back stronger than ever. I did not have to sign any loan agreements, or credit card agreements... and I could have closed the accounts when the agreement changes came making the interest rates higher. Yes, some of mine is due to illness, so who can I blame that on?

If I had made better decisions, I would not have been here. If my spending was in line with my income (not just being able to afford the payments, but having reasonable payments in line with my income, allowing me to save properly, have an emergency fund, and pay cash for purchases), then the fall might not have been so hard.

So go ahead, be angry, and blame everyone else. That will help you with the grieving process, and hopefully will help you move on. Anger can be helpful in the beginning stages.

If you stay in that anger with others, you will just foster a victim mentality, in that it will always be somebody else's fault.

If and when you can move on from that, many on this forum, including myself, will be able, and more than happy to help you.

If you need more clarification, feel free to check out this post.

[relief13035]

It's called the First Amendment.

[relief13035]

Oh just cool your jets. Go ahead and believe in your spaghetti monster and review your porn. Nobody is asking you to do any different.

[TEW]

Oh just cool your jets. Go ahead and believe in your spaghetti monster and review your porn. Nobody is asking you to do any different.

OUCH
Sounds like someone is anger challenged

[JRScott]

JR - please feel free to quote scripture all you want. Many of us DO believe and appreciate reminders of the great wisdom of the Bible.

Such teachings are not limited to the Bible. Every major religion in the world teaches of the harmful effects of anger.

It is especially pronounced in all Abrahamic faiths (that is Islam, Judaism, Christianity, Mormons, B'ahai, etc. ).

It is also pronounced in many Indian and Far Eastern religions.

There are of course differences but almost all stress that anger on the individual level is harmful to the individual. Some do allow organizational anger or anger against those that attack a particular religion rather than an individual. However that would be tempered by their other rules if they'd just read and obey them.

The greatest problem is that to many do not follow their religions, and to many who are anti religious to easily dismiss the common threads that run throughout the world's religions.

No person whether religious or not maintains their code of beliefs 100% of the time. The discipline necessary to do that eludes us all.

[Mi Bankruptcy]

Such teachings are not limited to the Bible. Every major religion in the world teaches of the harmful effects of anger.

It is especially pronounced in all Abrahamic faiths (that is Islam, Judaism, Christianity, Mormons, B'ahai, etc. ).

It is also pronounced in many Indian and Far Eastern religions.

There are of course differences but almost all stress that anger on the individual level is harmful to the individual. Some do allow organizational anger or anger against those that attack a particular religion rather than an individual. However that would be tempered by their other rules if they'd just read and obey them.

The greatest problem is that to many do not follow their religions, and to many who are anti religious to easily dismiss the common threads that run throughout the world's religions.

No person whether religious or not maintains their code of beliefs 100% of the time. The discipline necessary to do that eludes us all.

JR.. You are definitely on spot. This exactly what I try to point out to my kids.