What have you learned?

[DaisysMom]

Thank you for this thought provoking post.

I mostly did this to myself. Credit cards were just too easy to use. And then to top it off, there was something that I wanted to buy, but did not have the money and then poof I received one of those checks in the mail ....you know the kind you just deposit into your checking account and you have $10K. Well I did it and at the time it was wonderful. But then I got into having to use my cards to pay real estate taxes and buy groceries. I tried to pay a little above the minimums, but the as soon as I got a little credit on them, I would have to use it. It became a vicious circle. Like a hamster in a wheel, working my *** off but never getting anywhere.

Then BoA sent me a letter explaining why they had to raise my interest rate. I had them paid down almost 1K and had never been late on a payment. (I was working on paying that one off, so wasn't using it at all.)

That was it.....I was Busted. Broke Afraid And to top it off, I am the one that handles all of the money and hubby had no idea how far we were in debt. YIKES!!!

So I was exploring my options and found this site. I went to a couple of free consultations and here I am....going on Monday to pay my deposit and hire my attorney.

I told hubby who was very understanding and after quitting paying the unsecureds, I was able to buy groceries. Hubby was happy!

So any remorse or misgivings have been completely replaced with RELIEF.

Thank you again for this site.

D...

[BKOnce]

I learned nothing! It's not my fault.

[CatsInTrouble]

1) After spending an hour making copies of CC statements, I learned that credit card companies are pirahnas who are sucking me dry for $10,000 for items that cost $5600.
2) Meaning, I've learned to not only READ fine print, but to actually run the damn numbers.
3) I learned to not buy cheap ass american cars that die within 2 years of purchase, leaving me with a credit card repair bill of 2,000!!! when I still owed another $3000!!!
4) I learned that I am not entitled to "stuff" just because I am of a certain class and income level.
5) I learned not to take a mortgage rate that will adjust in 5 years because "surely we'll sell the house and move on up in 5 years."

[blankslate]

I just have to say, wow, do I love that town, especially around India St. and Kettner Blvd.

I spend a lot of time there and Phillipe's is my favorite spot to shop for food.

Ah you're talking about Little Italy. I might be biased... but I agree it is a little spot of heaven! When I still went out to eat I used to sit on the patio of one of those restaurants, split a bottle of wine with a good friend and watch all of the people walk by. Wonderful artistic energy on that street and everyone is happy to be there.

*Sigh* this is my last day in San Diego. I'll miss it. LA is so different, so fast paced. At least I won't be too far away to visit!

[WorkingItOut]

Great post! Everyone who has filed BK should learn SOMETHING from the experience, no matter who is really is at fault for the situation. Even if a BK is caused by a medical catastrophe, the lesson learned might be that you can't depend solely on medical insurance. No one should be beating themselves up over filing BK, but everyone should be reflective about how they got there, whether their fault or not, and should be trying to find a way to prevent it from happening again. BK is not an inevitable fact of life and shouldn't be thought of in that way.

For me, I've learned the following:

1. I learned that credit cards should NEVER be considered an emergency fund. I am ok with having a credit card, but only to be used if I have the cash in the bank to cover the charges before using it.
2. I learned that I really can live way below my means and that even though it means delayed gratification, it's a much more comfortable place to be. The stress of having debt is not worth keeping up with the Jones's. And to be honest, I really didn't keep up with the Jones's all that much! Most of my debt is from essentials, not luxuries. Still, there were ways I could have cut back and didn't.
3. I learned that owning a house isn't all it's cracked up to be. I'm really fine with being a renter again. It's actually a lot less stressful. Someday I hope to own again, but not until I have a LARGE down payment.
4. I learned that I'm actually pretty lucky. I make a good income. My state's median is pretty high and I'm just under it. I don't have any dependents or a spouse to support. And I live in a low cost of living rural area. I have an excellent chance to start over and do well. I'm not going to screw that up.

[blankslate]

I don't like the idea of anyone taking the blame but rather taking responsibility and learning from it. It's true that this society banks on people not knowing any better and putting keeping them in debt.

I want to learn to be smarter than that. I don't want to be anyone's fool again. I'm tired of greedy business constantly trying to outsmart me out of my hard earned money. I learned a big lesson with the banks of flat out not giving them anymore. When I made an error on my checking account it cost me my entire paycheck in their overdraft fees. I thought I would be smarter the next time and very very carefully balanced it out. Then I learned, they will always want my money and find way to get it. One day I saw a pending transaction that would put me in the negative so I scraped up enough cash to run to the bank and deposit it before that transaction went through. I still got charged an overdraft of $35 for the "pending negative balance" and then another $35 when the transaction posted. Then later another entire paycheck disappeared when they "forgot" to take a fee out so they retro dated it for two weeks prior on the one day that if they had taken that fee out, I would've been in the negative. So they charged me additional overdraft fees for every transaction that had posted in the two weeks since. That's when I learned that I will never put my money in another bank again. I have a debit card only account that takes direct deposit. After my bk is finished, I'm opening a credit union savings account.

Bankruptcy may not be your fault but you can still learn something. You can learn how to not be the fool that they are betting you will be. The consumer has to learn to protect themselves because no one else will.

[wonkettegirl]

Economic fallout from a divorce led me here, ultimately, BUT if I hadn't been in debt, I could have ridden out the effects of the divorce. I was "awarded" the family home, even though I didn' want it and we'd been trying to sell it. It's easy to blame the tanking home market for the divorce - if I could have sold the house, I could have made it.

But tha doesn't tell the whole story - if I hadn't had a 30k second mortgage to cover "stuff" we'd accumulated during teh marriage, I could have marketed the house for a lot less, and perhaps could have sold it. I wouldn't have been so far upside down. If I hadn't had about 11k in marital debt handed to me, perhaps I would have been okay. If I hadn't had that huge mortgage to pay, perhaps I wouldn't have racked up another 10k in cc debt while trying to sell that house.

I have no credit now. None. If there's not $$ in the bank, I do without. Things are going to be lean, very lean, for at least the next few years. I've learned that lean feels good! Not stressing about bills and debt feels great. Seriously, the only thing I can think of that could possiblly put me back into debt would be a medical emergency. Not consumer goods - never again.

[PoorGrammyinBK7]

Never sign a personal guarantee for a business lease or take out a second mortgage or cash out an IRA to pay business debt.

[sweetpotato]

Thanks for your post fltoo. If mother Carson can take care of herself, why can't everyone? Why is everyone on this board telling everyone else to file BK if all you have to do is work hard and live frugally?

The truth is, we all know about hard work and frugal living but most of us ignore the basic rules and do what we feel, so there is no reason for some to pay for others mistakes so we should all file BK at least once in our lives.

I feel sorry for those who do not file BK because they have to pay for all of our mistakes. Sometimes, life is just not fair.

Why no remorse?

Blank, I give you credit for even thinking about it. Tells me you are trying to learn by your mistakes.

I knew I had to file and foreclose on my house. It was a business decision I made without any remorse. But, I certainly am upset with myself for getting into this situation. I should have known better. I am not a victim.

Ever hear of Dr. Ben Carson? Amazing story. Detroit mother had a third grade education and reared one of the greatest brain surgeons that ever lived, working two and three menial jobs all her life. He says his mother never played the victim and taught him never to play the victim.

[sweetpotato]

Thanks wonkettegirl. That is the best post I have seen for a while, a good case for not filing BK.

Why are there not more posts about avoiding BK on this forum? Are they banned.

Economic fallout from a divorce led me here, ultimately, BUT if I hadn't been in debt, I could have ridden out the effects of the divorce. I was "awarded" the family home, even though I didn' want it and we'd been trying to sell it. It's easy to blame the tanking home market for the divorce - if I could have sold the house, I could have made it.

But tha doesn't tell the whole story - if I hadn't had a 30k second mortgage to cover "stuff" we'd accumulated during teh marriage, I could have marketed the house for a lot less, and perhaps could have sold it. I wouldn't have been so far upside down. If I hadn't had about 11k in marital debt handed to me, perhaps I would have been okay. If I hadn't had that huge mortgage to pay, perhaps I wouldn't have racked up another 10k in cc debt while trying to sell that house.

I have no credit now. None. If there's not $$ in the bank, I do without. Things are going to be lean, very lean, for at least the next few years. I've learned that lean feels good! Not stressing about bills and debt feels great. Seriously, the only thing I can think of that could possiblly put me back into debt would be a medical emergency. Not consumer goods - never again.

[wonkettegirl]

I'm not sure what you mean by saying my post was "a good case for not filing bankruptcy." Unless there is a medical emergency, I don't ever see myself filing bankruptcy again, and I take responsibility for what led me to bankruptcy this time around, but honestly, given those conditions, bankruptcy was the most logical thing to dofor me and my children.

[fltoo]

Thanks for your post fltoo. If mother Carson can take care of herself, why can't everyone? Why is everyone on this board telling everyone else to file BK if all you have to do is work hard and live frugally?

The truth is, we all know about hard work and frugal living but most of us ignore the basic rules and do what we feel, so there is no reason for some to pay for others mistakes so we should all file BK at least once in our lives.

I feel sorry for those who do not file BK because they have to pay for all of our mistakes. Sometimes, life is just not fair.

Why no remorse?

Sorry, you missed my point Sweet. BK is a needed tool for a fresh start. It allows someone to get back on their feet and move forward in life. I think most filers learn their lesson and mangage finances better for the future. I know I have learned a hard lesson. I will never use another credit card.

My post had more to do with the "victim" mentality. It serves no purpose.

[sweetpotato]

Thanks fltoo. Why did you learn your lessons AFTER BK and not BEFORE?

Do you wish someone would have helped you to become financially secure before you filed BK?

I think there should be more advice on this forum about avoiding BK before all the mess of lawyers and judges get involved.

Freedom is not Free.

Sorry, you missed my point Sweet. BK is a needed tool for a fresh start. It allows someone to get back on their feet and move forward in life. I think most filers learn their lesson and mangage finances better for the future. I know I have learned a hard lesson. I will never use another credit card.

My post had more to do with the "victim" mentality. It serves no purpose.

[StartingOver08]

Sweetpotato sounds just like commonman ( a former troll here)....a person out to do damage to the people on this forum. I hope one of the moderators steps in soon.

[wonkettegirl]

That's the name! Commonman. Yeppers - sweetpotato even signed off with commonman's "god bless america" in one of the other threads. I've reported.