What have you learned?

[blankslate]

I'm just curious. A lot of people are very humbled by the whole experience of filing for bankruptcy. I see a lot of people say they would never make the same mistakes again and will pay cash for everything from now on.

I also see people who feel that they are a victim and it is all out of their control.

My story is a little of both. I never had great credit from day one due to being very young and on my own and getting behind in utilities right away. There was a car I just HAD to get and did, financing it at too high of an interest rate. I was able to make my payments just fine for a few years and then got laid off from 3 jobs in one year. I did a voluntary repossession and also paid the remainder of the loan in full but it still shows as a repossession on my credit. From that, I learned to shop around and if I need a future car loan that I don't NEED a German car and can still have something nice and reliable for under $10k, make a high interest payment for a few months and then refinance it for a lower once I see an improvement in my FICO score.

I have also learned what a FICO score is (something I never bothered to pay attention to before)

I have learned to live within my means and also prepare for having less means. I have a job still but have also looked into what the worst case scenario could be in the next few years and how much I would bring in for unemployment and am planning a budget for that just in case.

One of my 3 jobs that I was laid off from in that one year span was in Escrow. It was during the peak of the housing boom and refi's. I was really shocked at what people would agree to and I'm sure at least half of those escrows I handled are in foreclosure now. I couldn't believe that people were maxing out their equity at $1 million for their homes to buy BMW's, boats, etc. I'd ask them if they were aware that they were now going to be $1 million in debt. They didn't care, just wanted to sign those docs and get their checks. The balloon payments... I still don't understand on what planet this sounded like a good idea to any borrower. There were also those who lied about their income to buy a home they KNEW they couldn't afford. It was all desperation and greed by all parties as far as I was concerned. When the day came that they laid me off, I actually hugged the woman who gave me my pink slip. I was happy to get out of that business.

So again, what have you personally learned from this experience? Do you blame it all on the economy, banks, appraisers, etc.? Do you take some personal responsibility for things and see where you made mistakes? What would you do differently? Have you made plans for the future in case the financial world collapses even more? What are your plans for your credit after this?

Just delving into the psychology of Bankruptcy. I'm curious that way.

[sweetpotato]

Thanks for your post blankslate. You seemed to have thought about this a lot. I think that BK is just a fact of life for many people which is OK. If BK was so bad they would not allow you to file BK multiple times.

It is very hard to save for emergencies and most of us just aren't able to do it, that is why we have good social programs to 'catch' those that fall.

Don't worry, be happy.

I'm just curious. A lot of people are very humbled by the whole experience of filing for bankruptcy. I see a lot of people say they would never make the same mistakes again and will pay cash for everything from now on.

So again, what have you personally learned from this experience? Do you blame it all on the economy, banks, appraisers, etc.? Do you take some personal responsibility for things and see where you made mistakes? What would you do differently? Have you made plans for the future in case the financial world collapses even more? What are your plans for your credit after this?

Just delving into the psychology of Bankruptcy. I'm curious that way.

[blankslate]

I'm sorry, I meant to address that there are people who truly are victims in all of this. I made my own mistake with that car but also went through several layoffs and was unable to even pay rent with my unemployment checks let alone food and utilities. I only qualified for a one time grant of $50 in food stamps when I found myself asking for help.

I also understand medical problems and bills as a person with no insurance and chronic renal failure. I've lived paycheck to paycheck my entire adult life.

But while a lot of people are victims, the point is what have you learned from being a victim? There has to be a lesson learned for everyone. Social programs don't catch all of us when we fall so we have to learn how to do it for ourselves.

I'm going through a little mid-life crisis realizing I've been living like this for way too long. It's easy to make excuses but at the same time I have to look at what can be done differently.

[fltoo]

I think that BK is just a fact of life for many people which is OK. If BK was so bad they would not allow you to file BK multiple times.
--------------------------------

Okay, now I have heard it all

[blankslate]

Okay, now I have heard it all

LOL yea I guess I got my answer from that one. Nada.

[sweetpotato]

Thanks for you post fltoo, but I do not understand it. Don't you agree that filing BK is just inevitable in most peopls lives?

We all go through hard times at some point in our lives, especially if we are young and temped into buying things we cannot afford.

I think BK has its place in society and I think that place is going to get much larger.

Okay, now I have heard it all[/QUOTE]

[fltoo]

Blank, I give you credit for even thinking about it. Tells me you are trying to learn by your mistakes.

I knew I had to file and foreclose on my house. It was a business decision I made without any remorse. But, I certainly am upset with myself for getting into this situation. I should have known better. I am not a victim.

Ever hear of Dr. Ben Carson? Amazing story. Detroit mother had a third grade education and reared one of the greatest brain surgeons that ever lived, working two and three menial jobs all her life. He says his mother never played the victim and taught him never to play the victim.

[fltoo]

[QUOTE=sweetpotato;246445]Thanks for you post fltoo, but I do not understand it. Don't you agree that filing BK is just inevitable in most peopls lives?

We all go through hard times at some point in our lives, especially if we are young and temped into buying things we cannot afford.

I think BK has its place in society and I think that place is going to get much larger.
--------------------------------------------
Yes, it has its place in society. Yes, we need it. But no, to your statement that it is not that bad due to the fact that they let you file as many times as you can. That statement is ridiculous.

[Aaaaah!]

I think I learned two things:

1) No matter what they tell you, don't leave a stable job in a stable company where you're liked for a new job in a company you have doubts about (even if they offer you $45,000 more a year)

and along with that

2) Even if you can afford all of your bills now, you can't really afford them unless you're able to pay them all off immediately.

[blankslate]

Thanks for you post fltoo, but I do not understand it. Don't you agree that filing BK is just inevitable in most peopls lives?

We all go through hard times at some point in our lives, especially if we are young and temped into buying things we cannot afford.

I think BK has its place in society and I think that place is going to get much larger.

If your story is being young and tempted into buying things you can't afford, wouldn't you learn a lesson from that?

BK is not just an inevietable part of life. We make choices that put us here in a lot of cases. The question is, what have you learned from this experience? Are you going to be "tempted" into buying things you can't afford again?

Ftloo has learned what led him to his decision to foreclose. It's not about regretting the decision to file bankruptcy, it's about what to do differently now that you've been given a second chance.

[krielly]

I like this post. It's really thought provoking.

I think we are all here for different reasons. No two scenarios are identical. We filed 13 back in Oct 05, and I was absolutely devastated at the thought.

Looking back, there was enough blame to go around. Myself included. But.......after all this time (41 mos into a 60 mos plan), I've come to feel that it is what it is...........what's done is done, I can't turn back the clock, I can only move forward and learn from what has happened (whether it is my fault or not).

I feel blessed in a way. I know that sounds absurd, but having to live within our means over the past few years on a "cash only" basis has been liberating. Yes, at times it has been tough. REALLY REALLY tough, but it's a lesson in financial responsibility I am glad to be learning.

Regardless of how I got here...................here I am, and I try to make the best of it. Nothing is forever, and as they say "this too shall pass". I don't feel that being bitter or hard on myself or others is part of the solution. I just do the best now with what I have learned, and try to move forward.

With the economy the way it is now, BK will become a reality for so many. Sadly, there are others whose pride will not allow them to file. I feel for them, cause I've been there. It was a real blow to me to come to terms with that, but I'm SOOOOOOOOOO over it!

In a way, I feel lucky. We had to learn to live within our means far before the economy took a nose dive. I feel like we are ahead of the game, and at an advantage right now because of it.

Please don't get PO'd at me anyone. This is my personal experience. But I just don't see ANY benefit at all to being negative, nasty, bitter, blameful, etc.. It doesn't accomplish a thing. I try to make the best of things and see the positive whenever I can.

K

[Chptr13inIL]

Great question. I am still in the early stages of my 60 months, I filed in Oct 2008. I look back on how I got here and can attribute it to making decisions that were not sound, having divorced 5 years earlier and wanting to spend time with my daughter I took vacations and bought things that were all charged, get behind on a payment or two and eventually things snowballed.
I have learned now to appreciate the simple things that I have, that less is more in so many ways and I now feel unburdened in trying to have the best or latest item. I have the great memories from out trips together and am now enjoying a much calmer life. Living within my budget is a powerful thing. I now have pride when at the end of a month I have a little bit of money left over after watching closely how the rest was spent. Saying no to always going out has opened up more free time and the ability to sit, read (books from the library of course) and just enjoy life has made this BK a positive experience in the long run.

[blankslate]

I appreciate the good responses to this. I really feel for those of you in chapter 13 especially. It's not easy for any of us to be here but to have it drag on for several years longer is even more difficult. I was so happy to see the phrase "This too shall pass." It's something I have said to myself nearly every day for the past 5 years. Most of the things during that time have passed, some still linger but I'm still here.

ftloo - I haven't read that story but I will look for that book at the library!

My favorite story of my Dad's comes from the Great Depression. As an italian immigrant being raised by a young widow, they really had nothing. They lived in the slums under the streets and put their feet in mud to warm them up. When he was 18 he got an insurance settlement from his Father's death and couldn't wait to spend it. He helped his mother out and bought her fancy things. Then he went and bought a brand new Packard convertible with the plastic still on the soft top. He was so proud and drove around town like the biggest thing they'd ever see. Six months later he parked his Packard in front of his mother's house in the slums and was sleeping on her floor again. He said it taught him valuable lessons that he never forgot. After that he and his brother went on to be very powerful men in the banking industry and he retired with a small fortune. Unfortunately, that fortune divorced. Between the divorce and the market crash, he now lives on social security.

I did some work for a church here in San Diego and while I'm a different religion, I really appreciate the message that this pastor has for his congregation. I listened to one of his sermons about people empowering themselves and his message about taking out loans and credit was "God did not promise you tomorrow. For you to promise someone else payment for tomorrow is not living in the biblical way." Very thought provoking!

[fltoo]

I just have to say, wow, do I love that town, especially around India St. and Kettner Blvd.

I spend a lot of time there and Phillipe's is my favorite spot to shop for food.

[redwritingmom]

There is plenty of blame to go around in bankruptcy. Kreilly seems to have an excellent perspective. Consider which parts were your fault and learn from them. But please, don't crucify yourself. You will never move past this if you take every bit of the blame. Analyzing every future penny to death can be as much of a bondage as the debt. Find a balance. Enjoy simpler things.

We live in an economic system that breeds bankruptcy for some. I would not say it is inevitable but I would say that many of us get caught in it--for so many different reasons.