Who did you tell about BK?

[Phillymanhere]

hey guys,
I am about to hire an attorney to file chapter 7. I've talked to two close friends about bk. Both were stunned that I was even considering it. But they have been supportive once I explained what I know, a lot of what I've learned from this site and other sites.
But today I was at work with a good colleague and we were talking about the economy and all (Bearn Stearns, the subprime mess), and I thought, should I tell him about filing? I couldn't decide if telling him would be giving too much info that he doesn't want. On the other hand, I don't want to keep up walls with people. Staying distant has been one of my problems and one of the reasons I'm in this predicament. I think isolation led to a lot of crazy spending.

I've love to hear about who you told about bk and who you didn't? ... I know this will be different for everyone, but just curious if people told their family, friends--most of family? ... many friends?
Just trying to find a good balance.

[Flamingo]

Great post and question. Your good friends and family will know you are having financial problems and it's hard to hide things from them. Most are supportive during this tough time and will help you pull through. Those you just associate with or your coworkers really have no need to know about your personal or financial life unless they are involved in financial dealings with you. I changed jobs a month after filing and I did not say one word to anyone at work about my situation. Also, since my Plan was instructed to be modified at our 341 our names never appeared in the paper (they publish bankruptcies weekly in our Business Section of our daily newspaper). I watched every week for months after filing so no one knew on the outside that we filed. I felt no need to broadcast it to any outside party. Our family and good, close friends knew but they knew of my hubby's major layoff/job loss and the income loss that went along with it and he could not find any sort of compatable job during the year following that layoff to make more than 1/4 of what he made before. Of course we could not pay our bills and drained our savings. Family/friends know and understand. Outside strangers may not. So who you tell is a personal thing but just know that your close family and friends may know/suspect because I am sure they know you are having financial difficulties unless you live a good distance from them or do not talk with them often.

[Cali]

I haven't told anyone.

I think if you want to tell people it should be someone that is close to you(family/friends) and not someone you work with.

[sharksfan]

I told my parents... my wife told her parents.

my wifes parents knew a lot about our situation and said it was a good financial decision. they gave us money for our deposit on our apartment.

my parents know about the issues we are having with our house and that we are way upside down. once they learned that we can qualify for a conventional mortgage again in 2-3 years they said BK makes sense financially for us! they don't need to know about all the unsecured stuff...

[wayne-o]

I told one close friend. No family... didnt tell anyone at job, but money was deducted from my paycheck so its possible people knew. No one ever mentioned it to me. Like Flamingo said, its a personal decision.

[epiphany]

I haven't told anyone. NOBODY. Nada. I have no one to share this with.... Thank goodness I have you guys!

If your work is anything like mine, keep your mouth shut. No one at my work can keep a secret. I know all sorts of things about people that I shouldn't know, nor even care to, because everyone talks about everyone! I am so sick of all the drama.

There is only one person there that I trust but I would like to keep it that way so it is better left untold.

If you tell your co-worker you are also risking that your employer find out. JMO.

ep

[keepmine]

I haven't told anyone. NOBODY. Nada. I have no one to share this with.... Thank goodness I have you guys!

If your work is anything like mine, keep your mouth shut. No one at my work can keep a secret. I know all sorts of things about people that I shouldn't know, nor even care to, because everyone talks about everyone! I am so sick of all the drama.

There is only one person there that I trust but I would like to keep it that way so it is better left untold.

If you tell your co-worker you are also risking that your employer find out. JMO.

ep

I agree. Keep you personal and business life separate.
The only person that knows about my bk is my wife.

[lrprn]

I told my direct boss at the time because I use a company credit card when I travel to clients because at the time we weren't sure how that was going to pan out when we filed (turned out I got to keep my card as long as no personal charges were ever made on the card). My three sisters know as well. My parents are both passed away but I probably woud have told my mom - we were close. My husband hasn't told a soul except his accountant friend who helps us do our taxes every year.

Unfortunately the stigma of filing bankruptcy hasn't caught up with the reality of today's economy. It doesn't take much these days to tip people over to the point where catching up financially is impossible no matter what is done. Filing is the only logical option.

[CATCHMEIFYOUCAN]

Everyone, I'm promoting it. People with financial difficulty don't need to struggle if the help is out there. Nothing to be ashamed about. There are several co-workers who have come to me with inquiries into the BK process. One co-worker filed Ch7 and is done and over with, she is sooo relieved! If your willing to ride through a bit of bad credit for the next umpteen years and be able to get rid of thousand of dollars, WHY NOT. In my opinnion its a small sacrifice rather than having to struggle day by day owing thousands of dollars and stressing out for so many days, weeks, months and years.

Catchmeifyoucan

[$$only4ever]

Other than DH who filed with me, I told my son because he is a co-borrower on a student loan in DH's name. Good thing we did, Sallie Mae reported my son as being in bankruptcy and we got that all corrected before he got married and bought a house.

I told one friend who filed Chapter 7 several years ago for moral support and understanding.

[Cassiopeia]

Everyone, I'm promoting it. People with financial difficulty don't need to struggle if the help is out there. Nothing to be ashamed about. There are several co-workers who have come to me with inquiries into the BK process. One co-worker filed Ch7 and is done and over with, she is sooo relieved! If your willing to ride through a bit of bad credit for the next umpteen years and be able to get rid of thousand of dollars, WHY NOT. In my opinnion its a small sacrifice rather than having to struggle day by day owing thousands of dollars and stressing out for so many days, weeks, months and years.

Catchmeifyoucan

This is a great post!

[magyar123]

I never told anyone - figured that my finances are nobody else's business except mine.

[JollyGG]

I told my parents. We told one friend who has filed in the past over medical bills and babysat our kids while we did the classes. One of my siblings knows because I discussed credit counseling with him before we made the decision. And he asked how that worked out. I told one friend at work, because I knew she had filed in the past and we were discussing bankruptcy reform. Recently I told a friend as I was encouraging him to file. Once he fully understood the process he decided it was a good choice for him and filed last week.

Otherwise we haven't told anyone. We consider our finances our personal buisness. Other's don't know exactly how much we make, how much our bills are, why would they need to know about our bankruptcy. We didn't tell hubby's parents, my best friend doesn't know, his best friend doesn't know, my other sibling doesn't know, my husbands siblings don't know.

I guess I only share if there is a reason to do so and I am confident that it will be recieved okay.

[2muchcc]

My sister and her husband know we are considering, but I think we will tell them that we decided not to and not tell anyone. I feel like we wold be judged ... especially my husband. We don't feel comfortable speaking with anyone. That's why reading this board feels like therapy. Thank you for that!!

[imbroke2]

To me, financial situations are like religion and politics, I don't discuss them with anyone because everyone always thinks their ideas/opinions are the best. We told no one, I think mostly out of pride and the way our parents' attitudes towards finances are. As far as work, I don't think anyone needs to know that we were so bad off that we needed to file. And my kids are too young to understand. My finances are my business.