if you are on state assistance and file bk

[rilbrianne]

You said people in a spot like mine would have wasted a bk. Is that truly what you meant?

If you can't support yourself post bk, it is wasted. I don't see how I can make it any plainer. File but then, you have to get better jobs.
You can waste a bk with just settling for the status quo. If you keep living paycheck to paycheck, inflation alone will do you in. You won't have to wait for the inevitable emergency.

Do you people think we are stupid? We know this. But some of us can't improve out situations as quickly as you. Some of us have kids and can't afford daycare. My daughter was unexpected and as you read above, things went off kilter for us. But that doesn't mean I'm going to give her up and go back to the way it was.

Seems like a lot of people here have disabilities too, yep... they planned on getting into the shit hole and sitting on welfare. We all did. How dumb can you get? I'm sure we are all working on our own situations but your attitude and sticking your nose where it doesn't belong isn't getting anyone anywhere.

There, I feel better. I kind of wish there was a "kiss my ass" smiley.

[CindyLou]

Did you think I was being judgemental too? I certainly wasn't coming from that angel? I hurt inside every day from not having children. I ENVY you dearly for your little ones. You must have taken what I said wrong. I regret making a financial choice over an emotional choice. I am probably going to miss out on mother hood because it didn't fit into my budget. How can that be judgemental??????

[keepmine]

Let me tell you something, if you feel you need to judge, be my guest. You want to hear my story?

My husband and I have been married 5 1/2 years and have 2 little girls (4 and 10 months) We recently lived in Florida and had 2 new vehicles, $1000/mo rent (which was unGodly but normal there), and were expecting to increase our daycare to 2 children at Christmas time. I was a felony secretary at the State Attorney's office and my husband was a heavy construction mechanic. We made more than we ever could here in Michigan.
We gave all of that up, gave up our vehicles, our dream jobs and everything to be able to take care of our children. We had no other option. We couldn't afford daycare for 2. So I am a stay at home mom now and my husband works in a machine shop. We have an old 1985 pick up so I'm stuck at home all the time. A friend gives my daughter a ride to preschool. We live with my father and get food stamps and medicaid because around here, you can't find a job like the ones we had - not that we aren't willing but if you are complaining about us being on assistance, we would have to have those kinds jobs again. I am happy to be back here where my family is anyway.

So if you want to judge me, go ahead. But don't act like your above anyone else here because our situation hasn't "improved" after our bills are gone. How many people are giving up their homes and vehicles? Do you call that a better situation? Believe me, when I can afford another car and daycare for 2, I'll be out looking for one. Until then, lay off because you don't know the half of it.

I can't help your predicament but, the fact remains you've filed bk and have nothing to show for it. You live with family and have no real job prospects, drive a 20 year old car,etc. If that makes you happy, so be it. I seriously doubt many would like to be in your shoes.
People give up cars and homes because they know they either can't afford them or, have negative equity and use the bk to ditch those millstones.

[Minnymouth]

It is not our place on this forum to "judge" someone because of their status in society...... we are here to help support them thru the bankruptcy process, NO MATTER what brought them to this situation in their lives......

Lack of money to meet debts, unexpected medical expenses, overspending by others, living the good life by some!! All of these items play a part in why someone files bankruptcy.

Being wealthy, middle class, or on public assistance has "nothing" to do with anything!!!!

Our economy is so fragile right now that one day you can be financially stable and the next day living from paycheck to paycheck.... due to circumstances out of our control.

Yes, bankruptcy is open to everyone to help straighten out their lives if they can. Some people's live will change drastically from filing bankrupty, others won't.... Some will get a "new start" in life, and others will just come out still treading water until they can change their incomes......

Money is not the answer to everything in life, but it sure can make it better, and lack of it can be devastating financially.

Sometimes after filing bankruptcy we can improve our situations, sometimes we can't just right then.....

Some people "financial" concerns take priority in their lives, others "family" comes first...... then financial.....

No matter which catagory you fall in...... your still a bankrutpcy member..... what every reason or status your lifestyle might be....

Just be thankful we have "bankruptcy" to help us, if it's needed!!

We are here to help each other, not be judgemental!! We haven't walked in another person's shoes or lived their lifestyle (we know nothing about - we just assume).....

EVERYONE'S life has room for improvement......whether it be financially, mentally, physically, or emotionally...... NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.......

How we live our lives - IS OUR CHOICE AT THE TIME or we may be victims of circumstances beyond our control. Our status in life will stay the same till we can make other arrangements that work for us and our needs......

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion about life and how it should be lived..... and what makes it work.......

Doesn't mean it's "right" for everyone else..............

The bickering in this thread will STOP or I will lock it and delete all comments.

Read my lips, mark my words...........

[Elle615]

Did you think I was being judgemental too? I certainly wasn't coming from that angel? I hurt inside every day from not having children. I ENVY you dearly for your little ones. You must have taken what I said wrong. I regret making a financial choice over an emotional choice. I am probably going to miss out on mother hood because it didn't fit into my budget. How can that be judgemental??????

I've seen debates on a topic such as this. And often they do turn ugly, but no, I didn't see anything judgemental in your posts. Just a wish and reasoning.

I think one risky aspect in discussions involving welfare and children is, many people assume that a needy family came from a needy couple. (Better way to phrase this, they had the children soley to be on welfare.) Although there are definately some folks that choose that route, there are people that don't.

I got slammed by someone when I got pregnant and my husband broke his foot. Her way of thinking was, I should get an abortion so I could work rather then be on bedrest and getting foodstamps. She was extremely bitter and angry that I did not wish to abort a child.

lastly, if you wait until you can 100% feel you can afford a baby, it may just pass you by. Having children means sacrificing something. (If this comes off judgmental, I'm sorry.) It's just that, you can't control your circumstances, all you can really do is your best to be self sufficient.

I can't help your predicament but, the fact remains you've filed bk and have nothing to show for it. You live with family and have no real job prospects, drive a 20 year old car,etc. If that makes you happy, so be it. I seriously doubt many would like to be in your shoes.
People give up cars and homes because they know they either can't afford them or, have negative equity and use the bk to ditch those millstones.

What is wrong with living with family? There are definately benefits to having a multi-generational or multi-family home. Perhaps some of the economic troubles and care for the elderly wouldn't be soo bad if more families looked out for each other in this fashion.

Isn't being self sufficient the goal?

[Minnymouth]

Nothing wrong with families living together in a multi-home.....shame more of them don't do it!!! They would be better off financially and children wouldn't need daycare, elderly wouldn't need nursing homes, and families would ACTUALLY know each other instead of just each others names. And financially the "family" could probably have anything they wanted in life.

Everyone says "I want my privacy" - WELL, you can be in the middle of a crowd, and still have your privacy!!! Lots of it!!!

Kids now days (most of them) will never take care of their parents when the time comes. Their folks will be off to the "nursing home" whether its needed or not. The kids want their privacy and freedom. Hmmmmmmmmmm, bet my mom would have liked to have her "freedom" too during the 18 years she took care of me and my brothers.... Bet she would have enjoyed her young life also....

If kids now days aren't carefull, they may be doing "away" with old folks when they finally reach that age...... then nobody has to be bothered with them.

I too, made the decision of business over children and have lived to regret the decision I did make...... I too have no kids, no grandkids, and no memories........ and I'm a lot older than most of you are I know....

We made our decisions and we live with the results - good or bad!! Thus is LIFE!!

[Run]

"Contentment makes poor men rich, discontent makes rich men poor." Benjamin Franklin

[rilbrianne]

I can't help your predicament but, the fact remains you've filed bk and have nothing to show for it. You live with family and have no real job prospects, drive a 20 year old car,etc. If that makes you happy, so be it. I seriously doubt many would like to be in your shoes.
People give up cars and homes because they know they either can't afford them or, have negative equity and use the bk to ditch those millstones.

I have nothing to show for it because I'm still in my BK. I never said we have no job prospects but until we get a car at tax time, I'm going to be staying home. And I'm fine with that. Not many people can stay at home and still make it. We pay rent here and utilities so don't think we are sitting on our asses and mommy's house. We moved back from Florida and had to stay somewhere in between but you wouldn't understand that because you have probably had everything handed to you.

[rilbrianne]

Lock up the thread before I go postal. I can't stand someone who is so naive that they can't see straight. I agree with the above posts about family. The kids today have no respect for anyone and no boundaries and I may not make 500,000/yr but I'll tell you something sir, my kids will probably be much better off than yours. I will teach my children the value of a dollar, the value of marriage, the value of family. It's a shame you don't know what those words mean.

[nc73]

damn i missed all the fun.

[Minnymouth]

Keepmine reminds me of an old friend of the Forum...... who used to stop by, stir things up, then go his way for few days.....

Keepmine looks at the financial end of everything from his posts. He feels that is you don't "financially gain" from your actions, you've accomplised nothing. And he is a firm believer in "self-help"..... and "being independent".....

Even though filing bankruptcy helps straighten our lives out, sometimes there are other things that need to be done also. A good "reality check" is sometimes warranted. What can we do to change things, improve our situtation and our life? Sometimes we can do nothing more than go with the flow at the present time......


Rilbrianne - "take a chill pill" - Keepmine has you just where he wants you - "riled up" and raring to go...........

My grandpa (and I'm an old lady) had a saying (he was a preacher)..... he said "if a man can make you mad, he proved he was smarter than you were"...... There's a lot of truth in that statement....

If you notice Keepmine only states "facts", nothing else. Facts as he/she sees them only. They see only the self-help business, financial end of the situation. Not the emotional, mental, or physical side of anything.

As always, everyone's entitled to their opinions..... some are just more blunt then others about it.

[$$only4ever]

My grandpa (and I'm an old lady) had a saying (he was a preacher)..... he said "if a man can make you mad, he proved he was smarter than you were"...... There's a lot of truth in that statement.....

How true, how true........

[CindyLou]

[QUOTE=rilbrianne;118607]I have nothing to show for it because I'm still in my BK. I never said we have no job prospects but until we get a car at tax time, I'm going to be staying home. And I'm fine with that. Not many people can stay at home and still make it. We pay rent here and utilities so don't think we are sitting on our asses and mommy's house. We moved back from Florida and had to stay somewhere in between but you wouldn't understand that because you have probably had everything handed to you.

I was with you all the way until the namecalling. forum rules are forum rules and I don't think a thread should be closed just because a member decides it should be. I do, however think the moderator should address the namecalling, which is clearly against the rules. I think this is a great thread. We all have our reasons. This is a very emotional subject that is near and dear to my heart.

Again, I have made my choices, right or wrong. I have chosen to reason my way out of having children for financial reasons even though I wake up every day wishing I had children and I'll be honest I cry knowing that I pay to support other's children when I do not pay to support my own. But that comes from envy not anger. I work hard and will continue to do so. I care for children at my job on a daily basis and will continue to do so with love in my heart and will hope that one day soon I will have myself in a situation where I will be able to have my own! (time is ticking) tick tick tick tick.....

We are all privy to our opinions; that's what makes us unique and makes the world go round. Personally I don't think anyone went wrong here until the name calling started. But then maybe I'm stupid?

[B12]

Rilbrianne

I stayed out of this discussion because frankly, I have no opinion on it. I, like Keepmine, am a self help advocate, but realize that not everyone is the same.

Regardless of the topic, you are way out of control. We don't need forum rules to know that you don't call people names when angry. You seem to be teaching your kids good values, so I hope you don't call them names when you get angry.

Cindy, you are in no way stupid and you know that. BTW girl, you have at least another 5-8 years to have a baby! You are still a young chick.

BTW, do not generalize about kids today. My 3 were reared with money and are very respectful and would give me their last penny if needed. And...........there are tons of kids who are terrific including many of parents who post here.

[CindyLou]

Thanks, B12, I know I'm not stupid, but 36 does seem up there when it comes to babies!

No matter HOW MUCH money I make it just doesn't ever seem enough to pay all the bills and add a baby or two or three to the equation!!! It's quite stressful to think about!!! I guess it will all work out one day soon. Maybe one day I'll just get thrown a nice little surprise and have to make it work, huh??? B12, You are actively commenting on my other thread so you know my stuggles trying to get out of my "pad" and into a house and get settled...... so thanks for your continued input and support!