My clueless relatives..

[ohwell]

ok, I gotta laugh at this one..

WE told our families what was up re: the bk.

Get an email this morning, asking us what our travel plans were for the holidays...

Um er, lemme see.... NONE? Regardless of going through bk, we only have one income now, therefore don't have the money to travel a family across the country.

Our discharge is hopefully mid december. Uh, don't have credit to rent anything or buy plane tickets for a family of 4. We wouldn't have the money anyways.

Good grief...

We had a falling out with them when they visited us awhile back, and now they are "unable" to visit due to work commitments at home.

Sorry I just found this so amusingly stupid I had to vent, they are so clueless, they actually thought if they bought the car we were getting repo'd from us that would save us from bk???

Idiots. I am glad we don't live nearby!

[JollyGG]

See my family was the opposite.

Without having to pay our cc bills we would really have had enought to go visit. However, my family assumed that we wouldn't make it due to the bankruptcy. I love my family, but we just let them keep thinking that. We enjoyed a nice quite Christmas at home.

Since I waited to decide if we were going or not until the last minute I think the cost of shipping the presents was more than gas to visit would have been.

[ohwell]

I probably shouldn't vent about it, but I just can't imagine how they would think that after having a new baby, loss of income, losing our home, one car, that we somehow have the funds to put aside for travel plans? All our baby things we got from other relatives(that understand), we couldn't even afford our baby furniture - and they know this!! I hope we can scrape together something to buy xmas presents for our children this year! We can't afford gifts for each other - our families will not be getting presents, I made cookies last year to send when our finances went downhill. Can't even afford to do that now, maybe that will send a message?

I am actually annoyed more thinking about this, I want to write back so bad and tell them to get a #$@# clue, that we won't be traveling for a very long time, try a few years, unless we win the lottery.

Lifestyle changes due to a drastic drop in income, doesn't allow for those extras like traveling, charging up those things is what gets you in trouble in the first place. And we aren't going down that road. I guess I am seeing life through different eyes now, most people live beyond their means(those relatives included).

[Keebler]

"The road to Hell is paved with good intentions."

I'm pretty sure they didn't mean to piss you off and I'm sure they meant well.

[$$only4ever]

Ohwell,

Your family honestly meant well. They just don't understand because they have never filed bankruptcy. Don't say anything to them, just let it go for now. When you are calmer, just say that you are not in the position financially to go home for the holidays this year. Then make the holidays very positive for you and your family..Start your own traditions. It's funny, how my boys loved the little things that we did and still do.

[wellspring]

Oh here's one to kick you when you're down: An e-mail to my sister letting her know my discharge went through:
"And hopefully my car will hold up until I can save enough to get it fixed" is what I wrote.
She responded..."that's good that it's over. Oh! Did I tell you we just bought a brand new Ford Explorer? I just LOVE IT!!!"
(yeah, just twist the knife a little more there, sis...)

[ohwell]

OMG wellspring, I can sympathize, we also got an email from my sis in law that they have moved and got a bigger and newer home, and how they are loving it, and they HAD to give us their new address!!! And they knew we lost our home... I am so sorry, people can be so insensitive. My bro and sis in law last year sent my cookies BACK and the tiny gift we got for their baby cause they were insulted by it!!! Needless to say, they are in therapy together - its a good thing we don't live near either one of our families LOL... Can you imagine?

My sis in law had it out with my dh when this falling out happened, and she wasn't even involved in it - his family vented to her when they got home, although we supposedly "resolved" things when they were visiting(guess not huh? I felt pretty betrayed) - I think she did that on purpose to be a biotch... needless to say, um, er, we lost that new email/addy...

Can you tell that my hubby and I are not visiting these people anytime soon? LMAO

Its kinda scary cause when I heard that my hubby's ex didn't care for his family, I can actually now see why. Its a good thing that he keeps his distance from them, we tried to get closer to them, but its a waste of time. They just dance around issues, but when their is a problem, oh no lets just look the other way. When I was confiding in them, they actually started talking about how their other child is smart with their money - how totally insulting, how I wish I confronted that issue at the time, but I let it go.

We keep our distance from these people, since you can't change others, we have to change how we handle/deal with them. Minimal contact is the only true solution, for we have tried to discuss things with them, but its just too real for some people.


We weren't going to travel for the holidays anyways, having our first xmas at home with the baby, and sooo looking forward to that!! Our new place, even though it isn't "ours" is very charming and I am looking forward to decorating it and watching my baby's reaction to everything Going to a freezing cold location and dealing with holiday travel with an infant is something that I wouldn't ever put myself through, the trip alone as an adult is brutal. Our other family members travel quite a bit, and they know our situation, so they come to us, and its great that we have those positive connections.

Obviously there are way deeper issues with some of our family, but I guess who doesn't have that? I must be PMSing

[arkienurse]

OMG wellspring, I can sympathize, we also got an email from my sis in law that they have moved and got a bigger and newer home, and how they are loving it, and they HAD to give us their new address!!! And they knew we lost our home... I am so sorry, people can be so insensitive. My bro and sis in law last year sent my cookies BACK and the tiny gift we got for their baby cause they were insulted by it!!! Needless to say, they are in therapy together - its a good thing we don't live near either one of our families LOL... Can you imagine?

OMG, and you still have contact with them?? Afraid I would be blocking all emails and sending back mail unopened if it were me.

[ohwell]

arkie, nope, they have never apologized for what they did. I found out thru my mother why they did that. My sis in law is a lunatic, but my bro is to blame for sure for going along with it. I don't talk to them. My mother went to therapy with them(they blame her for stuff too?? geesh), and they are aware of my financial probs, all of a sudden it "excused" my cheapness??? I spent more $$ before that on my nephew(from my bro's first marriage), when I could afford more. Frankly my bro and sis in law are jerks. They sent me a bunch of stuff for my baby as an apology I guess(just a bunch of things in a box wrapped, if it didn't have the return addy I wouldn't have known who it was from!!!), I haven't gotten a letter or email from my bro/sisinlaw about what they did, and if I wasn't broke(not worth the postage)I might have sent it back. THey won't be getting anything from me, they feel bad according to my mother what they did, but they have never directly apologized to me. I was preggers at the time on my feet making those cookies, my mother told them so in therapy. I think they only feel bad because of my $$ probs, if I was "fine" they would still be pissed. They will never get the point, and I don't have the time for them to explain how messed up that is. All of this came out in the therapy session per my mother, however the therapist said that "we can't address this issue, for ohwell isn't here to speak for herself".

Like I haven't had enough stress in my life in the past year, I need that type of nonsense going on...
Oh well

[HeatherB]

I'm thanking the "man upstairs" for my family. Although they are sometimes obnoxious and *****y, my family is filled with love and understanding. Perhaps it helps knowing that my parents, brother and wife, and a cousin's family have all been through a bankruptcy.

The cookies thing - WTH were they thinking. I admit to have recieved cookies as a gift (that were awful, too) and didn't dare send/give them back. I did what I was supposed to do. I thanked the person gratefully for the cookies (then tossed them when I got home...lol)

[tinroofrusted]

My family was a lot like this when I filed. In fact, I didn't speak to a lot of them for over a year because of mistreatment.

Don't let it get to you.

Until someone has walked a mile or two in your shoes, they have nothing to say!