Why is BK a "Stigma" and Is it Really?

[Phillymanhere]

I agree: no one loans of thousands of dollars because of "our word." And I would never loan money to someone else because of their word. I only loan ridiculously small amounts to people because I love them and want to help them and they asked or because I judge independently, based on my own criteria, that they will repay me. Their word has nothing--zippo, zero, nada--to do with it.

Now, a few years ago, I did a favor for a "client"/customer that was something I was really not supposed to do. But the client was in a pinch and he was an honorable person in my judgment. So when I cut this client a break, I told him he had to tell no one. That client gave me his word he would not. Now, that is an agreement that is completely within his control, and I expect him to live up to it. I made his vow of silence a condition of the favor.

None of these credit card companies know whether or not I'm a cheater, a wifebeater, a drug addict, a liar, someone who abuses wife and children. They don't know and they don't care. "Word" is personal. There is nothing personal/sacred about the cc loans to me. It's strictly a coldly calcuated business decision to make themselves money.

[SobStory]

I'm in real estate and I would never judge someone in foreclosure or BK, and I see a lot of it. In general, we judge ouselves much more harshly. I do feel a stigma, most of it self imposed. I feel terrible that I cannot keep my word and pay my debts. We all have to work throught this. Hopefully, when I do, the self imposed stigma would be lifted. Funny, but I feel only sympathy for others in this plight, just not for me.
There is only a stigma on us if we are willing to accept the stigma.

[Mi Bankruptcy]

I am sure there is a stigma. However, I think that is going away. I for one don't go around advertising I filed. Additionally, I don't run around telling people how much I make. I know I make more than some of my friends and colleagues by their discussions.

In the end, if someone insisted on telling me how corrupt or irresponsible it was to file. I would explain it must be a common problem for centuries because it was even discussed in the bible. Additionally, I would also say I think it is quite brave to admit you have dug yourself into a hole you can not crawl out of and the're taking the necessary actions to take care of their problem. I would also state how pitiful or unfortunate it is that some people can't admit or see they have a problem they are not likely to get themselves out of short of winning the lotto. Or a short definition..

Pay the minimum due on your bills and expecting them to go away is = to doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results( insanity?)

[redwritingmom]

To GoodKarma: It sounds like you have come to a healthy perspective. I was kind of like you, fairly frugal, never made a ton, but ran into business problems that were really beyond my control. Could we have done things better? Perhaps. So could we all, in almost any area. Like others here, we were so grateful to get beyond that season and realize it was not the worst thing in the world.

[redwritingmom]

There is only a stigma on us if we are willing to accept the stigma.

Love that. So true!