Feel like a failure due to bk??

[ssdsco]

Losers are people breaking the law, go around hurting other people.

A problem I always had was tying my self worth to my financial status, job status, number of toys. Now I look at myself from the number and the quality of the relationships I have with family, friends. How I’m able to help other people. My wife still can’t believe the transformation.

I hope the moderators are getting a lot of personal satisfaction from helping the folks in the forum.

I'm going to use the "BK Priceless" story when I get to tell all my creditors I'm filing bankruptcy. I guess that would be bad even for me.

[EZDUZIT449]

emotionaly frozen

I just posted a few days ago under Ch 7 forum about feeling Emotionaly Frozen and a like a Failure. Thats what it feels like when trying to get all the thoughts and paper work in order. I have had to start writing on this site everyday for encouragement to just do a few hours a day of sorting thru my mess. It is working hour by hour, if not minute by minute. It is the feeling of failure and loss of control in my life that has made me feel complelely frozen, like a deer looking straight into the headlights.
Thank you every one so very very much

[Bandit]

In different ways & at different times I can relate to what everyone is saying.

I don't feel like a failure or a loser or like I abused anyone or anything. I do know that I took my health for granted for most of my life. I feel like I am facing an extremely slow, very painful screaming death with this BK. Like torture. I cry inside at work knowing that working is not really helping me get through this. I don't feel like that all the time but about half of the time. I cringe when the mailman drives by. I do not know what it is like to have the phone ringing & people harassing me at work for money & I hope it does not get to that point.

You can't tell someone how to feel or how they are supposed to feel and when to feel what or not to feel. Some people might be real happy at discharge & shout and others might feel very sad & lonely. Some might get pissed off when the phone rings from collections, some laugh at it in sarcasm, and others cry. While I view Bk as something I have no choice in- I don't know if I feel bad or good about it. Most of the time I either don't care or don't know what to feel about it all.

No job, relationship sucks, medical problems, bill collectors, car breaks down, rent is past due, mother dies, brother comes back with leg missing from war, little food for the children, spouse is lying & cheating ......people can only handle so much at one time and not everyone can handle it like others can. It was not until this BK I am facing that I ever understood suicide. It never made sense because I have been so blessed and my life has been good. But now I do understand why some feel that way. It is very hard to go forward on some days. I get so tired of the arguments, rude people, horns honking, fighting, bickering, selfish people, bad news & wonder what it would be like to not be here & be free from it all.

I want to believe there is hope for everyone all in due time, but reality tells me that life can be good at times & life REALLY sucks at times. I don't know what to believe at times.

The glass can be half full & half empty. The glass can be sparkling full and running over. The glass can also be knocked over, completely empty and broken. There is power in positive thinking but there is also power in realizing the negative potential and facing it. We all face it and react to it in different ways. It comes in waves, like a teeter totter...sometimes up, sometimes down, sometimes we fall off, sometimes the other guy gets off & leaves you to hit the ground hard....& other times we teeter totter because it feels good.

I think the hardest part for me is knowing that I have to go all the way down down down to the bottom, way down to the bottom before I can be level again & start going back up.
Am I happy right now? No I am not happy. In fact I hate just about everything about my life. Funny how that happened in just a matter of a few days.

Do I feel sad? Do I feel scared? I don't know what I feel any more. It feels like a slow death is the best way I can describe it. Then there is the good side...I could live in a country where they chop my head off for not being able to pay. I could be a slave being literally starved & beaten every day of my life, behind bars & in shackles, not knowing why or that there is any difference.
Fortunately, there is a way out through BK and having that opportunity is being set free from all the other things that are driving me insane.

[LoserBoy]

i understand the concept of getting a do-over. i really do. it's nice that we have a system that will allow for that, vs. debtors' prisons of yore.

where i find myself to be a loser is in my lack of ability to have access to credit in the near future primarily because i have found myself in such an untenable position. time is flying and i'm not getting any younger (44) and i haven't even begun to realize my full potential or see my dreams come to fruition. now i have a MAJOR setback to delay that ever further.

i dunno. it's not a pity party, it's just the stark realization of who i'm seeing when i look in the mirror.

[BassBoy]

I believe your access to credit in the future will be even better than before. It will take some time and diligence, but you'll achieve it.

[chpxiii]

It is the feeling of failure and loss of control in my life that has made me feel complelely frozen, like a deer looking straight into the headlights.

EZDUZIT, just like your name, "easy does it."

Hey, it wasn't until I filed that I was actually able to GAIN control. The protection of the courts was what I needed in order to gain control of my financial life.

I swear, for me, while I don't necessarily like that I filed bankruptcy, it really, truly, was what I needed in order to gain control of my life. I swear I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off worried my car would be reposessed, wondering where I would get the next car payment and then my student loans... the calls... argh!$#@%^&*!

All of that stopped the day I went to visit a lawyer and said that yes, I want to file. It's not easy. It's difficult. But we come through, hopefully, better people for it.

[chpxiii]

I'm a loser too. I can't find a job in my field (or any field, really) despite being well educated and experienced. Do I have the plague and no one has the heart to tell me? Leprosy? I just don't get it. But here I am watching my dreams for a better life swirl lazily down the universe's giant white bowl.

They always told me "you can do anything you put your mind to". WRONG! What you can do is severely limited by what outside forces will let you do. I can't MAKE someone hire me. If I could, I'd already be working at Lowe's Corporate and would have had my picture in the Wall Street Journal by now. But that's another story.

Loserboy ... ugh. I don't like calling you that.

Okay, I don't know if you have read any of my other posts... or even noticed me. But I know that I have posted how I was severely depressed, even suicidal, when I filed.

At that time I could NOT find a job in my field (computer programmer.) I was blaming outsourcing (actually, that's still an issue), 9/11 (this was TWO years later), and all sorts of stuff.

But in all honesty, I was SEVERELY depressed and I no doubt that potential employers sensed that when I went on interviews. I barely remember that time in my life, but I do remember vaguely a couple of interviews. I thought I was being confident and smiling ... but I think the severe depression seeped through and people could sense that. I could not figure out why, for the first time in my life, I was not able to get a job. I thought I was being confident, smiling, I knew my stuff.

At that time in my life I was also working with an AA sponsor. (Yes, that's Alcoholic's Anonymous) and he suggested that I might need to file. I went ahead and did, even though I resisted for a while.

Well, it was like a huge weight lifted off my shoulder. I had moved to a new (cheaper) apartment. I didn't have to worry about where to send bills to, they were all in one place, controlled by the trustee. I didn't have to worry about losing my car now - it was like I was finally able to gain control. I was able to relax.

And that's when my life took off. I was fired from the job I was working at when I filed, but I managed to get a better job, which I then quit for an even BETTER job 8 months after I filed. I met the man I am with - whom I love and I know loves and cares for me - at that job. And even though I've had my ups and downs since then, in these last 4 years, my life has only gotten better.

I am making the most money I have ever made in my life - which is allowing me to pay off my chpt. 13 9 months early. Like I've said before, I may not like that I have filed bankruptcy, but things have worked out fine. I've learned to budget in that time, I've learned the value of not just my money but credit too. I have managed to buy a few things (washer and dryer) on cash. And knowing that they are *mine* is the best feeling ever. I've also learned so much.

okay, I've rambled. I just wanted to post to let you know that while it's not easy right now, I totally relate to not being able to find a job in your field. I had that for a couple of YEARS - thus forcing me into bankruptcy. But having atleast one part of my life taken care of has helped me to get a better handle on the rest of my life.

[B12]

Thanks for rambling. What a wonderful story.

[BassBoy]

Loserboy ... ugh. I don't like calling you that.

Okay, I don't know if you have read any of my other posts... or even noticed me. But I know that I have posted how I was severely depressed, even suicidal, when I filed.

At that time I could NOT find a job in my field (computer programmer.) I was blaming outsourcing (actually, that's still an issue), 9/11 (this was TWO years later), and all sorts of stuff.

But in all honesty, I was SEVERELY depressed and I no doubt that potential employers sensed that when I went on interviews. I barely remember that time in my life, but I do remember vaguely a couple of interviews. I thought I was being confident and smiling ... but I think the severe depression seeped through and people could sense that. I could not figure out why, for the first time in my life, I was not able to get a job. I thought I was being confident, smiling, I knew my stuff.

At that time in my life I was also working with an AA sponsor. (Yes, that's Alcoholic's Anonymous) and he suggested that I might need to file. I went ahead and did, even though I resisted for a while.

Well, it was like a huge weight lifted off my shoulder. I had moved to a new (cheaper) apartment. I didn't have to worry about where to send bills to, they were all in one place, controlled by the trustee. I didn't have to worry about losing my car now - it was like I was finally able to gain control. I was able to relax.

And that's when my life took off. I was fired from the job I was working at when I filed, but I managed to get a better job, which I then quit for an even BETTER job 8 months after I filed. I met the man I am with - whom I love and I know loves and cares for me - at that job. And even though I've had my ups and downs since then, in these last 4 years, my life has only gotten better.

I am making the most money I have ever made in my life - which is allowing me to pay off my chpt. 13 9 months early. Like I've said before, I may not like that I have filed bankruptcy, but things have worked out fine. I've learned to budget in that time, I've learned the value of not just my money but credit too. I have managed to buy a few things (washer and dryer) on cash. And knowing that they are *mine* is the best feeling ever. I've also learned so much.

okay, I've rambled. I just wanted to post to let you know that while it's not easy right now, I totally relate to not being able to find a job in your field. I had that for a couple of YEARS - thus forcing me into bankruptcy. But having atleast one part of my life taken care of has helped me to get a better handle on the rest of my life.

Thanks for rambling. What a wonderful story.

I concur......very inspirational.

[fedupw/ccdebt]

The feeling of being a failure just keeps getting bigger and bigger... My oldest son approached me about co-signing for a car he is interested in. I had to tell him I couldn't do it...it nearly broke my heart having to tell him that. I just wish this would all end. I know it will, eventually, but I honestly feel like I can't handle much more of this.

[Run]

Debt always costs more. I wish not that my father would have co-signed so that I could get a car sooner while I was walking and biking to work for years, but rather that he would have taught me the value of money and helped me get a cheap clunker and then helped me fix it when it broke (thus acquiring two extremely valuable skills in one shot).

[LoserBoy]

chpxiii,


thanks for the story. i feel somewhat better, yet now i feel bad for feeling better because someone else's life was in the crapper too.

i think my biggest fear is that i need to file, and soon, but eventually (hopefully not too long) i will land that job. the part that i'm afraid of is that it will most likely be somewhere else, which will necessesitate a move, a new place, and an additional car. then what? eeesh, it's always something.


thanks for taking the time to write me though, you guys on this board are alright!

[Bandit]

The feeling of being a failure just keeps getting bigger and bigger... My oldest son approached me about co-signing for a car he is interested in. I had to tell him I couldn't do it...it nearly broke my heart having to tell him that. I just wish this would all end. I know it will, eventually, but I honestly feel like I can't handle much more of this.

That does not make you a failure. Co signing for a car right now is not going to help & you know that... & he will understand that someday. My parents never bought me a car & they never would even if they could afford it. That is what taught me the value of a dollar.

You can always get him a beater to drive if that helps. Most of us wrecked our first cars any way....& went walking to work for awhile.

[Bandit]

it's always something.

yep