How do I tell my 17 yr. old son?

[backontrackOH]

With older children, what do you tell them? Do I tell the truth in a general sense? I could tell him that we are filing bankruptcy and explain the situation to him. I guess the key is to maybe just explain to him how it may affect him. We are moving, we may have to give up a car, etc. If anyone has any pointers on how they handled this situation, I would really appreciate it.

Thanks!

[SinkingFast]

Older teens aren't little kids, but they also are not adults. They're just getting their first view of the adult world.

We had a 18 turning 19 year old and twin 16 turning 17 year olds. We told them the truth. Unvarnished. Straight up. They knew we were in sad shape, financially, so BK was real no shocker.

If your child acts like ours, you'll have a real trooper on your side. Ours were amazingly resilient in the face of adversity.

One positive is our kids view debt as evil. If anything, it's hard to get them to realize there are points in life where anyone might have to take a loan. Buy a house. Buy a car. But don't swipe the CC's to live on.

You may be worrying needlessly. Your child may really surprise you!

[wrinkleigh]

Well, I guess I have officially been on both sides of it.

My parents filed when I was about 15, and I never even knew it until we filed in January. I was crying to my mom, and she told me their story.

Now, what I DO remember is, times being really tough, my dad being laid off, and my parents had been in the middle of building a new house. Everything just kind of stopped all of a sudden. I remember things being really bad for a while, creditors calling. My mom would always tell me that if someone called just to say that she was not home. Then my dad told me one day that things would get a lot better for us very soon. Sure enough, things got better. I guess at the time, I didnt think much about it.

I would like to think if they would have just told me that I would have understood. But my mom said that at the time there was such a stigma attached to bankruptcy, that she didnt want to make me worry. She may have been afraid I would spill the beans to someone else, because no one knew. I dont think anyone knows to this day (other than me).

Good luck to you on whatever you decide.

[BKOnce]

Don't worry, with bad economy today bad luck happened to everyone,... even 18 old kid won't tell his/her BK to parent either.

[emoney]

I believe in being open with kids. They really understand a lot more than we think.
What you are doing could be a learning time for all concerned. There is very little money management taught in schools. Our kids, like ourselves, learn how to make money, but only learn from our mistakes on how to spend it.
There is a program on the radio called "The Dave Ramsey Show" that does a good job on teaching money management. Some schools even teach it in schools.
regards,
emoney

[jane taylor]

We were honest with both of our kids. At the time my oldest was 16 and the youngest was a mature 13. Our BK was a result of poor money management, chronic illnesses, and three job losses. It has been hardest on the oldest who is more materialistic and is obsessed with having his own vehicle and hates driving our old beater. The bright side is that I do see him trying very hard to save his money and be responsible.

While I don't think it is appropriate to share the gory details with young children, I think you have to consider the young person's maturity level. My youngest has been a real trooper, but then she is remarkably mature for a young lady her age.

My parents and sibling have had the hardest time with it. I'd have had an easier time telling them I was an axe murderer and drug dealer than financially insolvent.

jane

[brokeinmichigan]

We've wondered the same thing..."what to tell the kids". Our situation is a little different in that we are a blended family. Currently, the oldest (my 19 yr old son) is doing a year abroad in Europe, completely funded on his own. The 17 yr old (my stepson) moved here nearly 3 years ago. His mom and stepdad are well-off financially, and live in NC. He wanted to come here to be with his dad and play hockey. The 14 year old (my stepdaughter) still lives in NC with their mom, and has talked about moving here this fall for high school, like her brother did, but her mom is working overtime at "buying" her to stay in NC. The 4 year old, "our surprise" is unaffected by all this.

The older kids don't know, and we've decided not to tell them...at least for now. The 17 year old is a serious worrier, and would be mortified! The 19 year old is in Europe, so isn't really affected. The 14 year old would think that moving here would just add to financial stresses, and would likely stay in NC. Little does she know how Child Support works...

Maybe when it's all said & done, we'll sit down with the boys (19 & 17) and explain it all, if for nothing else than a very good lesson for them. Until then, we're trying to intercept the mail and phone calls. Our 341 meeting is scheduled for during the school day...which will be interesting, since my husband teaches at my stepson's school. Hmmm...

Hoping for brighter skies ahead...

[tay666]

I had no problem telling the kids.
Daughter 16 and Son just turned 20 though he still lives here at home (wouldn't have lasted this long without him paying us rent)
They know things have not been going well.
I am making a lot less since the factory I worked at most of my life closed.
And with their mother not working hardly at all, they realize we are in way over our heads.

I've always been very open with the kids about money matters and situations.
My son is also very materialistic, but realizes we don't have the means for the things he has wanted most of the time. He is the type who always had to have name brand cloths and such. By having a realistic knowledge of what our financial situation was as he grew up, it made it easier for him to understand why we couldn't get him the stuff he wanted most of the time.
It also taught him the value of looking for sales and not getting his hopes up.
The yearly back to school shoe shopping was a prime example.
He of course was always drawn to the $100 shoes. Both because of the styles, and the fact that there were more options in his size.
But he realized at best he was only going to get the $40-50 ones.
So he would look at the pricier ones just to look. Then try on ones in the price range he knew was do-able.

So talking to them about this wasn't that hard.
One advantage to having the kids involved with the family finances fairly early. They understand what is what, and how things work.

[esokev]

Don't hide it at all...

I only wish my parents would have discussed the ramifications of spending with me. Of course, my decisions are still my own. However, I was CLUELESS when I left the house. Be gentle about it, and just explain the situation. Hopefully your son will actually be able to take something from your experience, and garner a greater understanding of what it means to incur debt.

[DeadManCrawling]

We have tlaked openly about this with our 14 year old, and explained the process somewhat.

We hope to use this "lesson" to help him udnerstand what debt and creditors relly are, and how to avoid this happening in his own life.

If he has a true understanding of the potential for job changes, miscalculations, bad decisions, or just plain bad luck, he will go into the world forewarned and ready-something we were sadly lacking.

On an emotional level, I believe kids CAN worry more, get stressed easier, etc. I also believe they rebound faster than adults. We told him a couple weeks ago. Now he understands why we cannot purchase the new video game systems, ended the extravagant game rentals, and so forth.

By all appearances, he seems just fine. In fact, he has offered some ways to cut expenses as well, and has been a source of some (minor but important) support. It feels like a "family" again. We are all in this together and he is looking forward to coming out of it as much as we are.

DMC

[tofargone]