Can't stop paying!!! Support needed

[BKCat09]

Hi everybody,
A new member of the crew here.

I've found this Forum back in January, when I thought about BK for the very first time. Since then I've learned a lot, thanks to all knowledgeable people here. I could not make myself to post, though. Each time I was about to I had this sick feeling in my stomack, that I am sure most of you are familiar with. I was still fighting and tried to find other solutions. well, it's a lost fight, and I finally realised it somewhere in March.

I am a sole proprietor of a once blossoming but now dead business. My only income besides of that are alimony and child support, 3K monthly. In DC Metro area where I live it's not much, really. Have about 60K of CC debt, about $20K of medical debt (after I paid about 50K in medical bills over the last few years), still good FICO score and current on everything.

The problem is I can't force myself to stop paying! I was going to do this past month and could not. So I made my minimal payments (about 11 Hundred) yet again... and barely made it through April. Almost starved myself.
Now it's the time of payments again. Today and tomorrow four of mine CCs are due, two of which I intend to pay for another couple of months (had some small charges in March/April, so not to starve my son) Two BofA CCs gotta go unpaid, and then Discover. And I am going crazy about this. I found myself on the computer twice already, about to pay (I do it over the Internet). I know, I know, it's like burning money. I know that I gotta stop agonizing and start preparing my BK, clarify questions I have, timing etc... But I can't! I've never thought it would be so hard to stop paying as soon as it's decided.
Maybe, it will be easier after today. If I make it through, of course. many of you wrote that it gets better.

I am sorry for such a silly post, but I really need help to stop paying. Then I hopefully will be able to ask questions.
I used to be so proud of myself... never been late, in default or something like this.

Thank you so much to everybody here for a lot of a great info and for being such a warm and supportive community. It is one of the best Forums I've even been lurking/visiting/posting at.

BkCat

[RackingJ]

I feel ya. End of May/First of June will be the first time in my life that I will be late on anything. It's scary thinking about it. But at that time, I will just have been laid off so its not like I could pay it anyways.

We can get through this. We just need to look at the light at the end of the tunnel, right?

[hamburgervol]

Do what we did, take most of that payment money and hire an attorney. Then you won't have any choice but to have not paid. You can also set a little aside for living expenses.

[Fresh]

It's Not Silly!

It's not a silly post. I and I'm sure others here do understand. I am also in the DC Metro area and know that you are not alone. It was incredibly hard for me to let 99% of the payments go. I've only held on to two Cap One cards and will let them go toward year's end.

As long as you've handled the setoff problem (e.g. if you have a bank account with a bank who is also a creditor), the worst that is going to happen is going to be collection calls and you can turn off your telephone ringer for these.

The DC Metro area is horrible. Everything is so high and jobs have been drying up for quite a long time now.

Use your money to take care of your son and put some aside for your attorney.

I felt so scared to do this, but you will feel so much better, especially since you have been gaining knowledge here and doing your research.

[BKCat09]

Thanks for your responses, everybody. It's such a crippling feeling. I guess I better start printing my BofA statements for the last 2 years. I've heard they will restrict an online access as soon as they figure out what's going on.
There is no way I can pay the debts. 2 months ago I've downgraded from a house to an apartment and cut a lot of expenses. Now we can somehow survive on 3K unless something happens, God forbid, like in Feb when my son ended up in Emergency room, and I had to pay 1K+ for this, and yes, we have an Insurance!

I feel guilty because I am supposed to get some extra money from my ex by the end of this week, not much, just a few thousands. So, I potentially could keep on with my payments for yet another couple of months, and hope that a miracle happens: I find a job, or figure out how to revive my business, or get some fresh business idea and a SBA loan, for example. However, chances of any of these miracles are slim, jobs are scarce and not for a mother of a disabled child (I would not be able to work a full day.) I'd better use this money to pay an attorney and for my son's Summer camp/vacation.

Both my banks are unrelated to my creditors. One is a FCU, and another one is a regional Provident Bank, that now merges with M&T. I've checked on the M&T Bank and could not find any ties to major ones like Citi, Chase or BOfA, nor to Juniper.

If somebody knows a good attorney in DC Metro area/MD I would appreciate a reference.

BKCat

[StartingOver08]

Don't waste your ink! Just save the statements to your hard drive for now - print up what your attorney requests only (some BK's only require 6 mths - some more) - just trying to be a little eco friendly here...

While you are at it - download all your bank statments too. Just keep everything in a file on your hard drive to access.

[RackingJ]

Don't waste your ink! Just save the statements to your hard drive for now - print up what your attorney requests only (some BK's only require 6 mths - some more) - just trying to be a little eco friendly here...

While you are at it - download all your bank statments too. Just keep everything in a file on your hard drive to access.

Funny you guys should mention this. I'm doing that very thing today. I downloaded all my CC statements. lol

[BKCat09]

Wow, thanks!

This morning I went and have bought the ink combo for the printer (was low). It costs $70 now! It used to be under $50 just two years ago.
Yes, indeed, I'd better not to waste it. I should've thought about it, but I can't think clearly right now.

Thanks again!

[NeilBurnside]

I'm a bit confused about this stop paying business.

I have a bank account with an associated Visa card that I defaulted on that they converted to a loan and I owe about $2400 on. I have been paying $400 a month for 3 years and I would like to pay it off and maintain my savings/checking account. I use the Visa/debit card as a credit card when I need it. It's really not - it just comes out of my savings/checking accounts. Will I be able to continue to do this?

I've been taking out money from my deferred comp savings account and living on that. Unfortunately, I lost half of it because to the stock market crash. So, I have about 32k left. I have to pay taxes and I don't think I'm exempt because I did not file on one of them. So, I wanted to pay my taxes out of what is left.

I am gathering all my paper work, and looking for an atty to file chapter 7. So, what do people mean when they say to stop paying???

Thanks for your help.

[doingpoorly]

I am doing the same thing. I will be late for my very first payment in the next couple of weeks. It is a totally new thing for me. I don't know how I will feel about not hitting the submit button to pay the bills. (I pay online too) I do find myself completely absorbed in finding out as much as I can about bk so that I will make all the right moves to enable me to have the very best beginning with my fresh start. I run through every possible scenario trying to pick the least damaging option. I can't make my mind turn off. I wake up in the night with thoughts of when to pay, who to pay, when to stop, how much to spend. Ugh...I can't wait for it to all be over so that I can lift this weight off my shoulders.
Knowing that this isn't happening to just me is comforting. (Although I wish it wasn't happening to anyone at all )

[StartingOver08]

Neil, you may be filing for a different reason than some of the people on this site.

If you have no credit card debt and can pay your outstanding cc balance before you file, then you do not have to move your bank account to a 'neutral bank'. Make sure you close the credit card before you file BK. Also, be careful if you have a Wells Fargo account - apparently they will freeze all of your funds when you file to you don't have access to anything.

Many people here can no longer pay the cc debt and must stop paying to get together the attorney fees to file BK.

[NeilBurnside]

Neil, you may be filing for a different reason than some of the people on this site.

If you have no credit card debt and can pay your outstanding cc balance before you file, then you do not have to move your bank account to a 'neutral bank'. Make sure you close the credit card before you file BK. Also, be careful if you have a Wells Fargo account - apparently they will freeze all of your funds when you file to you don't have access to anything.

Many people here can no longer pay the cc debt and must stop paying to get together the attorney fees to file BK.

Thank you for the reply. I may have misspoke. I at one time had a Visa card with my credit union and it was combined into one loan with another personal loan I had and I've been paying it off. I have a debit card with the Visa logo guarantee on it but it still acts like a debit card only. The credit union stood by me so I would like to pay the loan off. Will they freeze my account if I file bk and I owe them no money? If I pay them off, will they allow me to have an account? I still need to have one to cash checks.

I stopped paying on my CCs about 4 years ago because of no $$$. In fact because I kept trying to pay on the CCs, I kept borrowing on other CCs. I made some serious mistakes. I should not had borrowed on my cards and instead of lived on my deferred comp savings. I did not know I could and now I'm in this mess. So getting in the mind set of not paying is actually a good thing for people.

Thanks for your response and advise.

[queenfluff]

I feel this too. Last week was my first week I didn't pay my cc's - ever in my whole life. Like you I prided myself on my good payment history etc...

It was so odd at first. It is like a conditioned repsonse when that e-bill comes through for me to keep track of "when is the last day I can pay it" and "how can I 'arrange' my money this month to make sure I can pay everything?"

It was strange to have to let all that go because I think in some bizarre way I sort of liked 'planning' my bills for the month - it made me feel responsible and organized. And being a Virgo I just HAVE to be organized ya know? I had been doing it like that for 20 years. Although it was strange to let it go, I also felt like a big boulder was taken off of me. For the first time in the last 20 years, I didn't have to worry about paying them! Not that I don't worry about it anymore or other things for that matter but at least I dont have to do all that calculating anymore.

Just remember this - it is only money and there are other things in life besides this. Big Businesses go BK all the time and no blinks an eye or feels anything but sorry for them but for some reason when we individuals have to do it we are looked upon (by some) as irresponsible and bad citizens - which is hard to swallow when you know you have been a responsible bill payer for so long. I think this is why we can have a hard time starting the Bk process and stop paying the bills.

Save that 1100 for your lawyer. You will need that money for fees. Oh, once you start with the lawyer - he will tell you stop paying - and it will be easier to stop. I don't know why but for some reason it is like you "got an excuse" not to pay. And if that is what it takes to stop for you - than get to that lawyers office and start this!

And don't feel guilty anymore about not paying - believe me, the cc companies could give a rat's a** about us right now - don't even waste time caring about them.

[BKCat09]

Queenfluff, your posts were amongst ones that helped me understand that I am not being irresponsible and not alone, and that bad things do happen to good people. thank you!
I guess, it's just hard for me to give up. I am not a quitter, and if there were a remote chance to lift my business out of the ruins I would keep fighting. I can't help but thinking what if tomorrow some business opportunity comes across, and I won't be able to use it because what business can exist without credit and my credit history will be killed. It's hard to think about hanging on brink of poverty for who knows how long.
I hope, though, when the first step is made I will be able to focus, mobilize and act, instead of being paralized with fear and guilt.
Thank you again!

[hurtininaz]

Speaking of guilt...I got railroaded by neighbors last night. The guy was a friend of ours that noticed our "new" used truck that we purchased to replace the one that has to go back. We bit the bullet and explained that we planned to file and let the house and trucks go. He seemed cool about it and invited us to dinner to meet his wife who was in from out of town. Their intention was to drill us about why we shouldn't do it and how the housing market will come back and we most likely have some underlying issue as to why we have to file.

My underlying issue is a major pay cut and the loss of my husband's job in December... I know how to budget and what I can afford! How rude to assume that this is somehow our fault and something we can cantrol!

I might add that I didn't feel the need to point out that they owned a house in Chicago, a house in my neighborhood and were shopping for a new home prior to selling either of the others and neither of them had jobs...

Sorry, I had to vent........