Banckruptcy Virgin

[Lauren]

*sigh* ok i am thinking about bankruptcy. this thought scares me to death, not only just the bankruptcy but if my mom found out she would kill me. seriously she is like the godzilla of moms (think malcom in the middle) anyways i have tons of questions so please bear with me. my friend just filed and she is so much happier now, and it has gotten to the point that i just don't know what to do. i have a spending problem and i am forever having a nsf checking account and i always feel so behind. i pay my bills and only one of my cards has a 30d mark and i have one 30d mark on my mortgage but it is just to hard to keep up with everything. i am only 22 so i am still young enough that it will b easy to build everything back up. i just always though i would never come to this point. other family members have filed like 5x's and they are forever getting in a rut and i am afraid i will end up like them! i a just so ashamed with my self for being so iresponsible. most of the cards i have i got when i was 18 and thought i knew it all. well anyway enough about my crap. i have several store cards, some student loans, a mortgage with my finace, one medical bill that was put on there but was paid a long time ago, and i am soon to probably have more medical bills because i was in a very bad car accident and they took me to the hospital the my insurance will only pay 50% of so that is over $6000, plus the $400 in government taxes. so i think chp 7 would work for me. i am concerned about my mortgage because it is with my finace and i do not want him to be affected or really even know about what i am doing. i found this web site that help you file all the paper work with out getting a lawyer which i cannot afford. it is http://www.verrantbk.com/verrant/index.asp has anyone heard of this? would this be a good choice? it makes it sound to good to be true which is making me wonder. does anyone know exactly what my credit report is going to look like after i would file. i mean does it blatently say i filed or does it just show nothing or paid as agreed? this site says i have to reaffirm things i want to keep. can someone maybe explain that to me better? i also want to buy a car since my other one was totaled so would it be better to try and get one now or wait till after because this site says sometimes you can keep your car but not have to pay or pay much less. so that is about it for now. any help will be appreciated and sorry so long winded! thanks!

[Pinktiger]

OK - here's the deal.

First, don't be ashamed.
You aren't the first one to hide your head in the sand about finances. That is how most of us got there, I believe. A few had other things happen, but many of us let things go until it was too late.
However, you have to be honest with your family.
You say you don't want to tell your Mom or your fiance that you are filing. I can see not telling your Mom, if you are independent of her financially. But your fiance is another matter. Yes, BK is definitely on your credit report, and for a number of years, depending on the chapter.
The car thing, I don't know about.
But the mortgage, if you are on it as a signee, it has to be reaffirmed or dealt with. You can't not tell your fiance, as he has to be involved with this process somewhat concerning all joint debts.
What you need to do is, make a list of all your bills, and be honest with yourself about what you owe. Go see a lawyer and (free consultations, most of them) find out what you need to do.
And good luck!!!

[Lightning]

The most important thing to do right now is to get your spending problem under control. If you don't, you'll be a serial filer too which I know you don't want. Bankruptcy lawyers and courts will not help you with this problem. Look into counseling, support groups, or religious counsel.

Also, do not hide this from your fiancé. He'll find out anyway if you both have an asset together. He'll also notice the spike in calls from credit card collection departments. You do not want to start a marriage with that kind of lie.

[rukiddingme]

Dont give in

My opinion is not to give in and file bk. Pop your head out of the sand and take responsibility for your history. The medical bills will not go on your credit if you set up a payment plan with the doctors/hospital. You can pay very little each month for a long time but not as long as the bk will hang in your credit. Rebuilding your credit is hard work. Yes you are young but when you get a little older and get to the point where you want to have more things in life than a house and a car ( I assume you are dreaming beyond that) then you will still be in the shadow of this bk. I for one do not think bk is the answer for people who were irresponsible. I think bk if for those who have had a major turn of events in their life that THREW them into bk. I know I sound harsh but I live by a Dr. Phil and Larry Wingett mentality. In a LARGE percentage of cases people lives are where their choices and decisions have put them. If you dont like where you are, then you should change it but not at the expense of those who trusted you enough to finance your path. I see our country fastly headed towards a do it now and dont worry about the consequences attitude. I have two small children and I like your mother hope for bigger and better things for them than just spend now and file bk later frame of mind. You got yourself in it and you are very intelligent (obvious from the research you are doing and your ability to even have a mortgage at 22) think your way out rather than giving in. Save yourself do not have your creditors save you. You may feel shame now, but I think your pride would be 3 fold if you worked your way out of this rather than jump ship! You might actually confide in your Mother, she may rather help you through it than see you file bk. I read these entries where people are relieved and happy once their bk is over, I just dont get it. I would be so ashamed (if I CHOSE bk b/c of my irresponsibility) that I would have to move away and start over where nobody knew me. There is a reason the bk laws are changing very soon. Obviously the leaders of this country also see that people are just taking advantage of an EASY OUT. Dont be one of those! Fight and win, I think you can do it. Good Luck to you, I hope it all works out!

[Whittio]

A serial filer. I LOVE that! LOL

My husbands secretary where he works, she is going for her 341 meeting this coming week I think, this will be her THIRD BK! :s

[FloridaGirl]

Why do people like you come to a BK message board, Rukiddingme? Why are you trying to make this girl feel guilty, along with the rest of us who had to file BK? Don't you think we feel guilty enough already? So, if you had to file for BK, you would feel so ashamed that you'd have to move to a place where no one knew you? How nice....I'm quite sure some of us here felt the same way. But guess what....there was no other option. Yes, people make stupid choices and they have to learn a hard lesson. Filing for BK isn't an easy decision, but for most who file, it is the only way to ever get out from under bills they can never pay back. Yes, they made those bills for themselves, but you can't possibly think everyone incurred debt out of the same situations. Not everyone ran up credit card debt just so they could have the finest things, or take the fanciest trips. Many people faced circumstances which required them to live off the credit cards. Many people lost jobs, or had pay cuts, or were in accidents, and they needed the credit cards to buy food and other necessities. Others still are in debt and had to file because of an illness which left them with mountains of medical bills. Just who are you to judge and act like no one should ever file BK for any reason? No matter how debt was incurred, I think everyone is entitled to a fresh start in this country. I felt that way even before I had to file. I don't think people should file over and over again unless they were faced with dire circumstances, but once, yes.

And why are you trying to scare this girl into thinking she won't ever have anything again until the BK comes off her credit report? She can start to rebuild her credit as soon as she wishes after discharge. Most people who file can get almost anything after two years, so your scare tactics aren't going to work. Sure, people who file BK pay higher interest rates for a while, but that doesn't last for the whole ten years the BK is on your report. Do you even read the posts on this board? People are always reporting good things about credit restoration after BK. Yes, it takes a while, and it can be a hard road back....but there is a road and you shouldn't be discouraging anyone from taking their opportunity to make a fresh start.

[hhou812hh]

We happen to be a nation of risk takers. Under British rule if you didn't pay your bills you went to jail or became a life long slave of your creditor. The right to file for bk under the US code actually helped grow the economy! More people borrowed money to fund their dreams and knew they wouldn't be beaten for not paying it back. More people with money loaned it out knowing that some of it would be lost and most of it would be paid back with interest. The debtor made out, the creditor made out and everyone is happy. The banks take into account that they will lose money and factor it in. It's all risk that the banks made and their losses are all covered with their record profits.I know many folks that took risks on companies (IE the stock market) and lost too. There is no shame though. This is the game Dee Hock (the creater or (Bankamericard, before they bacame Visa) built and the banks are continuing his legacy.

Anyway I babbled enough with the history lesson. The point is Lauren they took a risk on you (and most of us) and lost and are winning on millions of others. You shouldn't feel guilty, but you should look into your spending problem. This will help your future.

Good luck!!

[rukiddingme]

did you even read what i wrote

Floridagirl. Did you even read what I wrote?? I specifically said that I think bk is for those people who have had a major turn of events in there life. Loss of wages, accident, death of spouse etc etc etc but not for being financially irresponsible. I came to this message board because I am a creditor that is OWED!!!! I did what I was supposed to. I hired a man under contract and he took my money and ran. So you may have to excuse me when I come to this website expecting to see people like me who have worked hard for their money, paid their bills and lived by the laws that govern this great nation. Instead I find a large percentage of cheerleaders that say yeah file bk, fresh start, dont worry credit can be built back up, "serial filer" , 3rd time filing...oh My goodness!!!!! I am blown away. I am not a bank, I didnt calculate a risk of losing my money. This nation was built on the backs of people like me. The people who do what they say and are as good as their signature. After all you come in with a name and leave with a name...that's it. What is in between is all the wonderful or bad things that life offers and how you use your name in every situation. If your thing if signing your name on a loan, contract or credit card slip now and file bk later then dont cry to me about your hard times. Guilt can ONLY be felt where there is BLAME. Yeah people make mistakes, I have made my share. And guess who got me out of them. ME! She is 22...why are we teaching her to give up now!!! What is she going to offer others down the road except this crazy message board that says, "yes dont pay you bills just because you made bad decisions. Let tax payers and other citizens take up your slack and lose their money." Throwing your hands up and flushing your credit down the toilet with a smile on your face and talking about how stress free your life is afterwards is INSANE. Not to preach but the God I believe in would never say wrong your neighbor, take his money, betray his trust and then file BANKRUPTCY!

[herekitty]

rukiddingme - geez, haven't you ever seen Bambi, if you don't have anything nice to say don't say it!!

[babycakes]

Not to get too spiritual on all this, but it is in the Bible. In Deut 15, God says at the end of every seven years you shall grant a remission of debts. That every creditor shall release what he has loaned to his neighbor, because the Lord's remission has been proclaimed. Now that was PARAPHRASED, but that is what the Bible and God says. I do believe it is not for serial filers, but for those who have some major life event and just weren't wracking bills up and then filing to be rid of them. I'm sorry you were cheated out of your money. I was cheated out of $7,000 and I am a divorced mom, 2 kids, no child support. I know how it feels, but after I finally realized I was never going to see this money again and not a darn thing I could do about it, I have finally come to forgive this person. No, not easy, but the anger was eating me up. I finally decided that he must have needed it more than me; that I had a lesson to learn about trust and accountability; and a lesson to learn in forgiveness. He will pay for what he has done in ways I may never know about. I believe in Kharma. It will come back on him in the end. I also know that if I hold on to the negativity, that is what I will draw back to me too, so I let it go. Let him suffer in his own negative world!! Okay that was the philosophical lesson for today.

[tinroofrusted]

First of all: QUIT WORRYING ABOUT WHAT YOUR MOTHER THINKS!
I am 23 myself, and had to nip that in the butt a couple of years ago. I feel like a completely different person once I did that. I am now living my life happily, and the way that I see fit!

Secondly, as I am your age, don't worry about filing bankruptcy. Be glad that you are able to do it NOW, in your 20's instead of in your 30's with young children, in your 40's, with kids in college, or in your 50's when you are starting to look on the horizon of retirement. You get a fresh start when you are young instead of when you are older, and if might affect you more.

And while you're at it, use this as a great learning experience. You can buy a personal health insurance policy for about $50.00 a month to save your butt from accidents, if your work doesn't provide this for you. Save money, but also live generously with yourself. If you aren't married, and have no kids, you are scot-free. Enjoy the things in life that you may not be able to a little later in life.

You have admited that you made a mistake; that's awesome! In fact, that's the first step to getting out of trouble. Now go on with it, get it over with, and you'll be glad you did!

[rukiddingme]

fantasy world

Herekitty I can only say one thing. Bambi was a fairytale. If you believe in those maybe that explains serial filers. I will give babycakes credit for being very intelligent because you are 100% right. This is all recent for me and I am totally pissed. I am a spriritual person and realize that one of these days I am going to have to forgive this loser. It wont be today though. So I guess I need to pray to live long enough to get to the forgiveness/acceptance stage of the anger and move on. Its like Booker T Washington said " In order for one man to keep another man down; it is necessary for him to stay down himself". Each day I get over it a little more and accept that this guy gets to wash what he owes me away. That is easier to do when someone like babycakes speaks the truth when she reminds me that vengence is not mine but belongs to somebody who is going to make his life "hotter" than I could. Cant say at the moment I would feel bad for the guy if he drops dead tomorrow and spends the rest of eternity with a flame up his butt and my face in mind. Anyway, it is like a dear friend of mine told me today...he doesnt care about me and my family and I am wasting all my energy trying to force him too. I am blessed. I struggle financially but I make it and actually live a darn good life. I have two kids, wonderful hubby, great job and soon a new house...who needs this loser to bring me down. He is the one having to spend the next few years with nothing and little to no options. I get to go on with a clean name and clear mind.

As for bk virgin...even though I still disagree with you filing.. I think tinroof has a VERY VERY good point. If you are going to screw up now...better than when you have children. You need to be a better example for them. Perfect example...look how you spoke of your family. Would you want your children to say the same things about you. File if you must but please be responsible and seek help for your spending problems. If you file for a second time due to irresponsibility...you deserve what you get! Good Luck (nice enought for you kitty?) That is as nice as I can be about it right now.

[herekitty]

Wow. That's all I have to say.

Okay, I try to keep an open mind and look at different sides of the conversation, but I can't necessarily say that I appreciate your attacks on people you don't know when you aren't taking time to understand situations. This is a SUPPORT forum, as you can see from your posts we have been trying to offer you advice on your situation - all I'm saying is you're going to give yourself a heart attack and you are taking your anger out on the wrong people. Disney movies were created years ago to teach valuable lessons - it's a lesson, not a fairytale my dear and being nice to people has nothing to do with serial filers. Frankly, I'm pissed at myself for even responding to your slander. Your situation sucks - I'm FILING because of a similar situation, ex knocks up a girl for a second time and sticks me with his debt because I stupidly co-signed and took his word I was off the card FOUR YEARS AGO, not to mention medical bills from cancer testings every two months and school debt from supporting myself through college and trying to help support my family since a member broke his neck three months ago. I could sit here and be mean or I can sit here and try to be supportive, I opt for the second option.

As for going back to the support on this column - anyone filing needs to cut up those cards and starting learning to live off of cash - you're going to have to do it the next ten years anyhow. There are ways to build up your credit afterwards, often deposits are needed - but it helps teach financial responsibility. You need to tell your family, I did and found out that a couple members of our family already had and they were disappointed but supportive.

Is there a way to pull out of your debt over the next five years? If you can answer yes, then don't file. If you're in a constant spiral with no forseeable future, file. In the end, we can tell you as much as we can - but it's your responsiblity. In honesty, if you fear become a "serial" filer - than you'll work extra hard to not.

[herekitty]

This has NOTHING to did with the started posts

Okay, okay. I hate getting angry when I go to a place that I feel supported. The first thread that has nothing to do with bankruptcy has a thread about venting - let's take our opinions there.

[InDebtInMD]

Lauren - good luck with your situation. If you do indeed file, I hope you are able to learn from your situation as my wife and I have thus far.

Before we filed, we never lived by a budget, and that is a major reason we were in the mess we were.

A lot of the work in preparing the petition as you may find out is coming up with the list of expenses. The process of doing that opened our eyes to the value and necessity of living by a budget. There were so many things we spent money on (necessities) that we never accounted for, and we thought we had more disposable income than we actually did.

As far as credit cards are concerned - good riddance! We have no plans in the near future of having anything to do with them again. Maybe at some point one for emergencies.... but then again maybe not.

as far as your Mom is concerned, no need to tell her if you don't need to, but definitely the fiance.

Another major contributor to the mess we were in was that I was not honest with my wife about our totalamount of debt. She knew we had bills, but she had no clue of the total amount. I wanted to tell her so many times, but there were always excuses to put it off. Finally the decision was made for me when we ran out of money to make payments and MBNA came calling.

I'm amazed that she didn't toss me out, or at least make me sleep on the couch. I do feel much closer to her and now we do money stuff together.

Anyway, sorry to ramble on here, and good luck to you!