Dealing with the stress of...not paying?

[ccsjoe]

OK, I am basically about to have a major anxiety attack. My wife and I have always been responsible borrowers, have numerous paid off accounts in our credit reports, as well as numerous "pays as agreed" accounts-the root of our ch7 filing. Never, ever ever missed or been late on a payment in over 15 years. And now....we will no longer pay our cc's, for the first time. Not sure I have a question there, but any idea on just knowing that there are others who had a very hard time with just stopping the payments would help I think.

Thanks and my apologies.

[Exployer1234]

Take a deep breath. It happens to the best of us. I think today is different from even 10 years ago. You have to think CC companies even penalized their best customers by raising interest rates to cover their losses. Then they wonder why so many people are having to file BK. Also the job market is tough. High paying jobs are far and few, and many people who were living on CC's are now having problem even covering the interest payments.

Hang in there and understand you are not alone. I think when I came to the realization that I could not pay my CC's anymore my mindset shifted. I thought I would rather eat in the long run, then having to pay my CC's. It was a choice that I do not regret.

[ccsjoe]

True...I'd rather feed, clothe and educate my little one...although still, not easy when you've always been a straight shooter

[kartoons19]

I can relate to how you feel. I had excellent credit and was never late in my life (over 25 years of credit). It was very hard to be late the first time (almost five months ago), but it does get easier.

I wish I wasn't in this situation, but some of it was out of my control (employer went bankrupt). After looking into other options and realizing that filing was the only way I could get my head above water, I was able to take the emotions out of it. I have also learned some valuable lessons along the way and for the first time in a few years, I am feeling optimistic about the future. Hang in there it will get better.

[LadyInTheRed]

I had never missed a payment either. It felt very wierd letting accounts go past-due. I paid one month more than I should have just because it felt so odd. Once, I stopped paying, I got over it pretty quickly. It felt good to have the cash available to pay my attorney and cover my living expenses without needing to rely on credit cards.

[ccsjoe]

Thanks. I know it wasn't a question, but it certainly feels better to know I wasn't the only one feeling this way.

[Amanda123]

This is my first post. I have been reading and learning so much now for a couple of weeks. I am about to miss our first payment also, in 25 or so years of credit. When my husband first mentioned "not paying" after seeing our attorney, I looked at him like he had two heads. I just couldn't imagine not paying. We have no choice now and there is no turning back. Our first missed payment will be Thursday... I would have mailed them already. I don't know what is going to happen. Good luck csjoe, you are definitely not alone.

[ccsjoe]

Good luck to you too Amanda123. We're exactly in the same boat, even date wise. My official first ever missed payment will be Thursday August 5th. We'll be meeting with and retaining our attorney on August 6th, right before the calls are bound to start. We have three cards due 8/5-8/6, one on 8/9, three more between 8/12 to 15, another 8/23 and one more 8/27. I even have the dates memorized.

[BROKEDED]

The thought of not paying our bills was unimagineable to my wife and I. We had never really had a problem paying bills but on the few occassions that unexpecteds did come up, I robbed our savings or the 401k.

We're now 8-1/2 months in to it and it does feel weird still but the biggest part of your anxiety now is just the waiting process.

You can lower that by planning, planning, planning. Lots of great info on this site and many many helpful people. No apologies are needed here for asking questions, or just getting things out of your system.

[iv65536]

I was there too, barely keeping my head above water. Amex sent me a letter stating they were hiking my interest rate. I tried to get a personal loan to escape that, was denied, even though I had perfect credit. At that point I realized what my situation was, and then I concluded that I had to do this.

Now that I have my discharge, my plan is to make the 2nd mortgage walk the plank and the 1st to replace the ARM with a much lower fixed rate. If the 1st won't work with me, I will simply ride out the foreclosure and redemption period. I'll leave my home with more money from skipped payments than I brought to the table in earnest money, points, and fees.

Now, I need to review mortgage endgame strategies.....

[ccsjoe]

Thanks everyone. Hopefully soon I will be able to post CH 7 Filed 08/30/10

[sobeit]

There are surely many of us on here that have always paid, and on time, and never thought we'd be here. While some of us lost jobs or had unexpected medical bills, for some of us, the credit card game just got the better of us. Regardless, we never intended to be here, and we would rather not be.

I feel better about not paying when I think of how much interest I've paid in the last 20 years of using credit. Even if some of my current creditors aren't going to quite break even, most will do so and then some. And THEY got a bailout.

The best we can do is to learn from it. I am somewhat scared, but also excited, about living the rest of my life within my means, without any unsecured debt ever again. It feels liberating, even if it means I won't be taking any vacations.

[ccsjoe]

Good point sobeit. However my case will be the opposite. Doing this means I WILL be able to take my family on vacations because I WON'T be spending over 1.3K/month on cc payments that will never go away.

[sobeit]

Well, true, I have A LOT better chance of taking vacations down the road once this is discharged (knocking hard on wood). I a,m just very caught up in being careful about every purchase from here on out, and spending some time building up savings before I do anything "fun" with the little DMI I'll come out with.

Any guilt I feel quickly goes away when I realize the interest I have paid over the years, the billions most of the companies are making, and the fact that I vow never to get to this point again. While I have made some bad choices, I was never extravagant in any way, just getting by, or so it seemed. I'm really looking forward to getting out of the game.

[Amanda123]

We are also paying 1,500 a month in min. payments. It is so overwhelming to add it all up. Unbelievable. Sobeit, I agree, that I will never allow this to happen again. The stress of this process and having to examine everything, will still be better than the constant stress of how are we going to pay our bills?? That was such an awful feeling... and not seeing any real way out.