I want and appreciate all your help. Kathy

[kathyc02124]

I know some of you question me. I am trying. I drink too much. I admit it. I found my most help on here. I don't always make sense. I will leave if you want. I don't think I can file anyway?

[kathyc02124]

I'm over weight, I'm over drawn. I'm under loved. And I'm in trouble. On top of all that, I am unbelievable. Rock bottom comes to mind.

[pamkev]

Kathy,
Have you checked in with your sponsor lately? You need to come clean with them about everything to start the healing you need. I know you don't want to tell hubby either for fear of what may happen but you must tell him.

I was scared when I went to hubby with the BK idea and although very unhappy at first we worked it out and our much stronger for it now.

[ValleYum]

NOTE to posters:

Kathy sent me a picture of her holding a sign with both her and my name this evening. She is a real person. Let's move it to a off-topic area of the board though.

[Drazil65]

Kathy, unless your husband agrees, you cannot file bankruptcy, let go of that idea. You seem to still be hanging on to that idea and we have laid it out for you, its not happening unless hubby agrees because of the joint names. Move on to plan B, what ever that is, but one thing for sure is that you should be on the phone or talking in person to your sponsor(s). That is square one and if you cannot get a handle on that idea (it is not enough to just keep talking about it out loud you must do it) then I am afraid we are out of ideas.

We have spent a lot of time and energy on your issues (willingly and compassionately) here and most of us are very sympathetic I would say, but we have gone as far as we possibly can go in cyberspace. If you are not willing to make the strides or changes needed to get on the path to healing then I am not sure what else we can say to help you. It appears you have found in us a new audience, a new vent outlet (which is fine for a time) and we gladly walk that road with you building you up where we can. The advice and guidance is out of our hearts and with true feeling that we want to help but please do not play us for fools. I suspect the reason your real life family, friends and husband have seemingly turned their backs is because like us, we have said all we have to say and you are not listening.

Pick up the pieces of your life and take the steps needed (which you are very aware of and have already reached out for with GA) like making a 110% commitment to GA and you should probably look into AA as well. You will also need to find new friends, ones that do not go out to drink and go to the casino, the temptation is too great. If you are not willing to do what you need to do (these are all toxic environments and people in your life) at this point to turn things in your favor then the debt is such a small issue in your life compared to where you are headed.

Once again, there is only hard, hard work in your future and lots of GA and AA meetings so you may want to come to terms with that fact. If you still have the idea of bankruptcy then you have no choice but to discuss with your husband BUT be totally prepared for what he may say or do. I think you probably already know what he will say or do and that is why you have not talked to him about it already.

[AngelinaCatHub]

Drazil65: That is an excellent post. Vallyum of course she is a real person. I'm not sure what more we can do on a cyber forum. We have helped many, many people here but those are the ones that listen to advice and not glean pity for pity's sake. There are only so many times we can plow the same field with no results. The energies expended could be put to better use on people who truly want to be helped, not just wanting to be "comforted". The first post this OP has made was adequate for a limited amount of pity, but hearing the same story over and over gets boorish as well as wasting time.

This party is either wishing us to mold her a way that she has in her own mind, or is fishing for constant stroking.

The idea of "praise me, I haven't gambled, I just went drinking instead", gives me the impression that this person needs more help than AA or GA or BankruptcyForum. Just my personal take. 'Hub

[pamkev]

NOTE to posters:

Kathy sent me a picture of her holding a sign with both her and my name this evening. She is a real person. Let's move it to a off-topic area of the board though.

Me to

[angel7821]

Hi Kathy! Good to see you here again. May I ask one simple request from you? Please stop putting yourself down and pointing out what you feel are your bad qualities. Everyone has great things about them no matter what their problems are. Focus on the good qualities. You are probably a great friend, good cook, awesome listener, beautiful person on the inside and outside, etc. Find the good things about yourself they are there.

Listen and do what everyone is saying here. Talk and talk some more to your sponsor. Check out an AA meeting. You may be afraid of talking to your husband but you know it has to be done so just bite the bullet and tell him what is going on. That in my opinion is the only way to move forward. I know it is scary but the sooner you do it the better. If he leaves so be it. Maybe he just needs time to mull things over and he will be back. You never know until it happens. You have got to stop being afraid of the unknown.

You may be feeling like your debts will never ever get paid off. We all felt that at one time. Sure we filed BK and got on with our lives but you WILL get out from underneath all this one day. It can't and won't last forever. How can it? Eventually a debt does get paid off. Start with the smallest amount owed on a bill get that one paid off then get started on the next one. Get those bills paid off in small bites.

I hope you have a great day today. And please find those great qualities about yourself.

[despritfreya]

Kathy, unless your husband agrees, you cannot file bankruptcy. . . You seem to still be hanging on to that idea and we have laid it out for you, its not happening unless hubby agrees because of the joint names.

I was not following the prior thread but I just need to comment on the above. OP can file bk on her own. Having joint debt and/or property with a spouse does not stop that. Filing jointly is a convenience, not a necessity, under the bk code. Just wanted to make that clear. Whether or not, under OP’s circumstances, filing a joint petition is more advisable is the question. Further, even if OP files on her own, husband will have to know about it since his income will be included for means testing purposes, jointly held property will be property of the estate and all joint debt must be listed.

Ok, I will go back to lurking.

Des.

[AngelinaCat]

Further, even if OP files on her own, husband will have to know about it since his income will be included for means testing purposes, jointly held property will be property of the estate and all joint debt must be listed

Des.

Aye! THAT's the problem. OP doesn't want DH to know. OP has a huge gambling problem, and appears to be substituting a drinking problem for it. Her husband has bailed her out of debt three times, if I remember right. The last time he did it, he cashed a retirement instrument. He told her then that this was absolutely the LAST time. Her family has also told her "no more."

She is paying $400.00 a week to some 'Soprano' type characters. She cannot explain to DH why and where this money goes. DH travels a lot for his work, so is out of town a lot. OP is trying to work OT and a second job.

This cannot go on forever and I think the OP is starting to realize this. Whether she can be honest enough with herself, and have the courage to do what she NEEDS to do--i.e. be honest with her husband, remains to be seen.

[despritfreya]

This cannot go on forever and I think the OP is starting to realize this. Whether she can be honest enough with herself, and have the courage to do what she NEEDS to do--i.e. be honest with her husband, remains to be seen.

Understood and I certainly wish her the best. Not the end of the world to move forward. Maybe even a new beginning.

Des.

[Pjmax]

Kathy, I'm glad you checked in, and I'd like to hear how things are going and the PROGRESS you are making.

Everyone on here has had to make some major changes in our lives, changes we never dreamed we'd have to go through. Whether we got to this place because of irresponsibility, a tanked economy, job loss, and even gambling; it's never as simple as 'OK, I filed and now I'm free to start over.' Many of us spent YEARS trying to hang on on, recognizing what needed to change, then doing it. It's been hard work, sometimes painful decisions and often, a lot of prayer and guidance.

We've given up homes, lost good incomes, lost friends, but we go on, and life gets better because we keep working on getting it there, and finding the joy where it matters most. We've found new homes, adjusted to different incomes and found new friends.

If you feel unloved, you must learn to love yourself and be willing to do what you know you must do to earn that love, and make some difficult choices. You can change your life and be proud of what you can accomplish.

[kathyc02124]

I think angelina is correct in her thinking that I come here looking for pity and condolences.I had a long talk with my sponsor and she pretty much said the same thing. I guess I got off topic because my main purpose for coming here to to file a BK without my husband being involved and if I could have done what I wanted to do, many of my problems would have gone away. I was looking for an easy out. But I didn't get it. And PJ you are correct that many of you have paid a high price for your recovery.
I've got a very good sponsor and a backup one if for any reason she isn't available. I've agreed to go to a meeting every night this week. I'm going to get serious about all this and not try to find that easy out that I have been looking for. First meeting is this evening at 7pm.

[angel7821]

Good luck!

[AngelinaCat]

Good wishes with your Meeting tonight. Tonight is the first night of your New Life. You can do it.