Major problem.... HELP!!

[tinroofrusted]

Go ahead and make up stories about me. You're not hurting me. You're only trying to make yourself feel better.

You're the one with the problem. You read stuff you didn't like to hear. Hurts, doesn't it? You can't change how they think of you. That's what really pisses you off. You've finally graduated to "grown-up" status where you realize that not everyone in the entire world likes you, and some people *GASP* don't like you.

Get over it. Hating me and calling me names won't change what you've read or what they think of you. You're stuck with that, and it really ticks you off.

I am completely aware that not everyone in the world likes me... that doesn't bother me.

However, someone that I was close to and considered a good friend doing this to me, hurts very badly. I completely admit to that.

I am sorry that you have no feelings and that you feel it necessary to rub salt into a wound........

And if I remember correctly, you are the one name calling........

[tinroofrusted]

For Fedler: our rules here, since you are fairly new:

"• All BF users agree not to call people names or write a post simply to make a personal attack, or get a negative reaction; this behavior is not allowed on our forum. The use of derogatory language aimed at anyone will be severely dealt with. There is no need to agree with each other, or to even like each other. However, by signing onto BF you agree to treat each member and guest with the respect they deserve. No threats or personal attacks will be allowed."

[tinroofrusted]

Another "bad Karma" generator added to my ignore list... and "Tin"...remember the joy of the coming wedding, and do what needs to be done to keep you and your intended focused on your future together, and who will be important in your circle of friends.

Thanks LaProf... that is becoming harder and harder to do.

It seems like every week something new was coming up, but this really "tops the cake" so to speak.

I will keep that in mind though. This IS a good and joyful time, isn't it?

[lilgoose]

But your supposed friend that's gonna be in your wedding,......... That's a different story. Be calm. Be cool. Be rational. When you do this. Hand her a copy of the emails you have, and simply say, "I understand why you have to bow out from being in my wedding party and even attending my wedding at all." Let her know in a nice, yet firm way, that she is no longer an invited member of your inner circle and will not be a welcomed guest at your wedding.

Don't even give her the opportunity to potentially ruin your day. It's your wedding and she has no business being there. That's the day you want to be surrounded by the people you love that love you as well.

Be sure to cancel her bridesmaid dress order, if it's already been placed. And any other plans that have already been made including her in the wedding party. If you have another girlfriend you'd like to include in her place, ask that GF, and then just contact the dress shop to change the size of the dress that's already been ordered for the new person.

Tell the other bridesmaids, family, etc., that the gal just had some personal problems and she cannot fulfill her initial committment to be in your wedding. And let it go at that.

That gal knowing you know, she'll self implode and blow the whole thing up for you. You won't have to do a thing or even get your hands dirty with the affair. She reveal herself, and your former co-worker to her current boyfriend and his wife all on her own. It may take a bit of time, but it will happen.

Just my thoughts.

I totally agree! It is your day and you should be happy! Don't let this one spoil the day for you!

[lilgoose]

I doubt reading personal e-mails was part of the cleaning up your boss had in mind. Here's a hint about life. Not everyone likes you. Some people even say bad things about you behind your back. The only sad thing here is that you found out the actual verbiage. Too bad.

Do whatever you want about the wedding and the friendships. No matter what, you're the loser here. They may feel embarrassed about you finding out what they said, but you're the snoop.

Next time, don't read other people's notes, e-mails, diaries, mail, etc.

Okay, yes, personal emails are and should be a no-no at work. But since some people cannot restain themselves from showing their lack of control and their lack of being a true friend, I am glad that this was all discovered!

Life is TOO short for people who earn your trust (and love) only to go behind your back and stab!

With friends like this....Well, you all know the rest.

[SinkingFast]

Tell yourself whatever you want. Cleaning up a computer does not require a person to read every e-mail message on the system. Have you heard of CTRL+A, DEL? That selects all the messages and deletes them. That's cleaning up.

Regardless, no matter what you do you lose. You'll lose friends and tick off people. As I said before, you've only touched the tip of the iceberg. There are countless other people who harbor negative feelings about you. That's life. Go ahead and waste time and make enemies.

Looks like you're into drama. Congrats. You got it.

The person who was assigned to clean out my husband's desk did the exact same thing. Checked his computer for any signs of corporate "espionage". Any signs that he'd been slipping proprietary info out of the Company, and that included any and all emails.

You've got the problem, Fedler.

I'd be quite surprised if you indeed had any friends yourself, you're so, so sympathetic. NOT!

[edwards2]

tin - so sorry you "found out" but I am glad you did BEFORE your big day. I agree with everyone(almost) else - this is the most important day of your life - DO NOT let this person or anyone else ruin it for you. I know it hurts because I found out something similar about a friend of mine too. In fact she did a no show at my wedding. Fortunately, she was not in the wedding party but it still hurt my feelings. In my case she was jealous that I was getting married. One by one of her friends all got married - before me and she reacted very negatively about them so I should have known it would not be any different for me despite the fact she claimed otherwise. Regardless the wedding went on as planned and I survived it without her and you will too. You dont owe the naysayer any defense of your actions nor do you have to justify your feelings to that loser or even to us. We are here to support you...end of discussion. I agree with Sinkingfast I would present the emails to her, say what she suggested saying and that would be all I would do. Dont go off on her...just be calm and matter of fact. As for your friend you know the old adage when you find out a friend's husband is cheating on her...and you tell her....she will HATE you too not just her husband so I would not say anything to your friend. I can't imagine he would be angry with you because you didnt tell him. He will find out on his own and if he is a true friend he will understand that you didn't say anything because you didnt want to hurt him. Unfortunately or fortunately - depending on how you look at it, he will find out soon enough on his own. As for people liking you and that whole unsolicited tirade Fedler went on...same goes for him...who CARES what he thinks...

[FloridaGirl]

If people choose to use a company computer for private e-mails, it is their own fault if those e-mails are discovered. The computer you use at work belongs to, that's right, WORK! That means that the boss has every right to look at whatever may be on that computer. He also has every right to have another employee "clean up" the computer after the one using it leaves the job. Tin's discovery wasn't the result of her being a snoop. It was the result of doing what she was asked to do. Could she have skipped over what appeared to be private e-mails? Yes, but let's be honest. She probably wasn't even paying that much attention to the subject lines of the e-mails she was looking at. She was probably just whiping through, and then came across something shocking. Why should she have sat there and pondered whether or not to open some of the e-mails? It wasn't like she was on the person's home computer. She had every right to open any and all e-mails, and anyone who thinks differently is not being fair or rational.

And let me just add a reality check to Mr. Negativity. Do you really think that the majority of people would skip over e-mails even if they knew they were private? Of course not. For anyone to say that curiosity wouldn't get the best of them isn't being honest with themself. Even you would read them, Mr. Negativity, so get off your high horsey.

Another reason why private e-mails need to be looked at is obvious. What if someone was engaging in child pornography on their office computer? That would be a pretty important discovery, don't you think?

[13inOR]

Geez Fedler...... the fact that she considers herself having a major problem, in the title of her thread, should tell you she isnt "into drama."
I dont envy her that predicament one bit, and I don't think she was snooping either.
She asked for advice, not criticism.

Another thing, we are told at my company that we can use the email for personal use within reason and with certain restrictions, and the policy clearly states that this form of communication should not be considered private and is subject to scrutiny at any time, and we are to keep this in mind when using it. So, I don't think its considered snooping if someone is assigned the duty of cleaning up another persons computer. She was authorized to do it, it was company property, and fair game, really.

[robivi3]

It has that "lightning" feel in here! We get one every few months. I'm not going to get drawn into the post wars. Been here to long for that. Newbies don't realize we've been over it a thousand times before. So, Tin, you were absolutely right. You were told to take care of the computer and clean out the "inbox", etc... You can't determine personal/private in that setting. Any argument over that is just stupid.

It's funny I didn't even read your reply until just a second ago and we both spotted lightning's return. that's who it is, so this silliness starts all over. Only now we likely know Lightnings last name at least... LOL

[tinroofrusted]

Thanks everyone. Your support and ideas are so thoughtful and helpful.... Love you guys!!!

I will be confronting her this week. It's NOT going to be pretty....

Thank goodness I got my dress back from her, as she was storing it at her house after my last fitting.....

[tinroofrusted]

It has that "lightning" feel in here! We get one every few months. I'm not going to get drawn into the post wars. Been here to long for that. Newbies don't realize we've been over it a thousand times before. So, Tin, you were absolutely right. You were told to take care of the computer and clean out the "inbox", etc... You can't determine personal/private in that setting. Any argument over that is just stupid.

It's funny I didn't even read your reply until just a second ago and we both spotted lightning's return. that's who it is, so this silliness starts all over. Only now we likely know Lightnings last name at least... LOL

hahahaha. That's too funny. I just KNEW it was him as soon as I clicked on his name, and realized that the ONLY postings he had done were negative and argumentative. He's on my ignore list now, so it won't be a problem....

I feel I was in my right to do this, and since I had my boss's permission to save what I found, I feel even more justified in doing so. I wouldn't be surprised if she gets written up for the over use of personal email at work after this either. She's already on probation......

[robivi3]

It's him, just look at the posts. He's on my "you know what list' now so i won't see his posts. I'm not gonna go through with his idiocy again. But to the Mods, definitely check this guys MO, Lightning is back in all his ugliness.

[AMISLANDER]

email at work issue

You know, I don't have my computer set up at home anymore. So my only access is through work.

However, any emails sent never have anything in them that I wouldn't be afraid to have the whole world read.

I think if people would stop & think, it would be better.


You can't be considered snooping if it's your job to clean up!

[Minnymouth]

Remember on the job - IT'S NOT YOUR PC.... it's company owned.....
They have the RIGHT at any given time to tell you to "move over" and sit down at your pc and look at anything and everything on it......

As soon as an employee is dismissed, laid off, terminated, etc, most companies will go thru anything they have touched including files, including lockers, including information on pc's.

Pc's will be "cleaned off" and set up for the next employee coming in....
and yes a lot of the cleaned off material is READ.......
Corporations check for company secrets being shared, etc....
Personal information on computers is not "personal" on a company owned pc.... it's corporate business.................

You don't want your personal business known - DON'T PUT IT ON THE OFFICE PC................

Tin, was doing HER JOB...........nothing more!! Snooping - NOT HARDLY!..
Unfortunately the information she was cleaning off the pc pertained to her and people she knew.........

The personal issues - she will have to deal with - But she did nothing wrong from the business point of view....

Minny