Moving Back "Home"

[zactak]

Hey everyone!

I'm really enjoying the insight, support and knowledge everyone provides on here! It's definitely a great atmosphere and I'm thankful I've found this site as I begin the process of CH 7.

I wanted to ask all of you some advice on something that is slightly related to the bankruptcy.

I'll be 28 years old next month and I live in southwest Missouri. My parents live outside of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I saw my parents for the first time in two years a few weeks ago. My dad is an accountant and I finally showed him my financial situation. I've never asked him for money and while it's been tight, I can support myself if there is no surprises. I live paycheck to paycheck. While I was in Pittsburgh, my parents suggested I file bankruptcy and move in with them until I could find a job and get back on my feet.

I'm really kinda lost in what to do. I ask my friends, but they're biased about staying while my family is biased towards going. I wanted to seek out outside advice.

The advantages to going would be leaving my current job (I'm not happy there any longer), saving money once I get a job, no rent while I live there, starting back to school sooner, leaving where I live now (I don't want to stay here forever and want to move closer to my folks) and getting a fresh start. I may even be able to get a part-time job while I begin going back to school.

The disadvantages would be, losing some of my independence, leaving my friends and leaving my pets (my parents are anti-animal). I'd also like to mention I'm not from Pittsburgh. I do have s couple friends out there, but I've never lived there. My parents moved there after I left home in St. Louis.

My pets are really my biggest hitch and it's really hard to think of a life without them. I'm sure there are other pros and cons that I can't think of right now. So, what do you all think? Are there any members that live with their parents now, or did move back after being on their own?

[sunshinepa]

At 28, if you have the opportunity to go back to school, save money and live rent free, I believe I would seriously consider moving home. Yes, you will loose some privacy, some friends and maybe the animals. Look at the big picture though.......can you go to school now? In today's world, education may not be the total answer but it sure helps alot. I was fortunate and worked my way into a good paying job when I worked.........those days appear to be gone.

Also, today many families are mergining with the economy so this is not uncommon. My 26 yr. old grandaughter, her fiance and their 2 yr. old will be moving in with me shortly due to loosing all they owned in the flooding here in PA, there is no shame is doing what you have to do!!!

Think seriously about how your life may improve in the future with such a move.

Good luck whatever you decide.

[disconapper]

I'm the youngest of four (I'm in my early 30's), due to financial reasons, two of my older siblings live with my parents, they certainly pay some rent but it's much cheaper then living on their own. There is absolutely no shame in moving back home, especially if you have the opportunity to save money.

The question is...if you intentionally quit your job before filing...won't that raise a red flag if you file bankruptcy? I'm no expert but I think it might......

In regard to the pet thing....I just had to send my dog to my Aunt's house because I work just way to much (60 hours a week) it wasn't fair to him. My God, does it suck not having him around, I miss him greatly but I know he's being very well taken care of and I send a "child support" payment to my Aunt each month....driving away while he was looking out the window at me and barking was a very tough moment in my life. Pets are like children to most people, so that's a tough decision. In the end, you have to do what is best for you and your future....

[discouraged]

It's true that leaving your job and then doing a bk might put up a lot of red flags. Think this through. Read everyone's story and see what would be best for you. Your parents aren't going to go away in the next 6 months and you have to seriously prove hardship 6 months before you bk. Talk to some lawyers and get some suggestions before you make a decision.

And remember, it's a hard world out there right now, job wise. So make sure this is a business decision that would benefit you in the end.

[bcohen]

I don't understand, what difference does it make (legally) if you quit your job, got fired, or simply were unemployed for years on end prior to filing? As long as the minimum "lookback period" is met--i.e. you stop using your credit cards and let 6 months of non-employment go by--what legal basis could there be for challenging the BK?

For example, I exited the workforce when I got fired from my job in 2009, and am now a full-time student at a 4-year university. I in fact quit paying on my unsecured debts 6 months before I lost my job, but in any case, if I got sued now (more than 2 years later) I would assume that I could file Ch. 7 and not be challenged even if my salary in the past was high enough to fail the "means test".

Am I missing something here?

[zactak]

Thanks for all your responses!

I should have mentioned I wouldn't leave until my bankruptcy was discharged. I'm way below the median income in this area and state as is, so I'm not sure too many red flags would go up if I was leaving before filing. The earliest I would leave is probably January and the latest would be next July when my apartment lease is up.

Not getting a job for a while would be all right as I could begin going back to school. But I do have to do what is best for me, even if that mend giving up the pets, as hard as that would be.

[msm859]

This is a business decision, keep the emotions out of it. What is going to give YOU the best future potential. A few years with your parents for a much better tomorrow may be well worth it.

[IHateChase]

You are fortunate to be young enough and supported enough to really be able to get a fresh start. Your parents are giving you a very generous offer.

If you get along reasonably well with your folks, or can even at least tolerate each other - find a good home for the furbabies and head on back. By your early 30's you can be independent again and looking at a much brighter future.

Good luck!

[keepmine]

It's true that leaving your job and then doing a bk might put up a lot of red flags. Think this through. Read everyone's story and see what would be best for you. Your parents aren't going to go away in the next 6 months and you have to seriously prove hardship 6 months before you bk. Talk to some lawyers and get some suggestions before you make a decision.

And remember, it's a hard world out there right now, job wise. So make sure this is a business decision that would benefit you in the end.

The first few lines of this post aren't correct. Nothing in the bk code says you must prove hardship or, have a job. Many here have quit jobs, refused OT, delayed the start of a job search,etc. in order to qualify for a Chapter 7.
I'd agree with others. Take your time in making a decision. What's the total amount of debt do you wish to discharge?

[rustymich]

Family is forever friends sometime arent...Go with your parents they love you...

Hey everyone!

I'm really enjoying the insight, support and knowledge everyone provides on here! It's definitely a great atmosphere and I'm thankful I've found this site as I begin the process of CH 7.

I wanted to ask all of you some advice on something that is slightly related to the bankruptcy.

I'll be 28 years old next month and I live in southwest Missouri. My parents live outside of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I saw my parents for the first time in two years a few weeks ago. My dad is an accountant and I finally showed him my financial situation. I've never asked him for money and while it's been tight, I can support myself if there is no surprises. I live paycheck to paycheck. While I was in Pittsburgh, my parents suggested I file bankruptcy and move in with them until I could find a job and get back on my feet.

I'm really kinda lost in what to do. I ask my friends, but they're biased about staying while my family is biased towards going. I wanted to seek out outside advice.

The advantages to going would be leaving my current job (I'm not happy there any longer), saving money once I get a job, no rent while I live there, starting back to school sooner, leaving where I live now (I don't want to stay here forever and want to move closer to my folks) and getting a fresh start. I may even be able to get a part-time job while I begin going back to school.

The disadvantages would be, losing some of my independence, leaving my friends and leaving my pets (my parents are anti-animal). I'd also like to mention I'm not from Pittsburgh. I do have s couple friends out there, but I've never lived there. My parents moved there after I left home in St. Louis.

My pets are really my biggest hitch and it's really hard to think of a life without them. I'm sure there are other pros and cons that I can't think of right now. So, what do you all think? Are there any members that live with their parents now, or did move back after being on their own?

[rustymich]

Family protects family at any age..Good post On the other hand my wife left her job before we filed were past this mess now and had no problems she made no money anyhow and what she did make they would have taken and most like pushed us to a 13...

[zactak]

The first few lines of this post aren't correct. Nothing in the bk code says you must prove hardship or, have a job. Many here have quit jobs, refused OT, delayed the start of a job search,etc. in order to qualify for a Chapter 7.
I'd agree with others. Take your time in making a decision. What's the total amount of debt do you wish to discharge?

I still have a couple other places I need to call to get the exact total, but including medical bills, credit card bills, eviction, car repossession and pay day loans is about $24,000.

I spoke with my dad today and told him I want to come "home." We set a timeline and financial goal for myself. While I'm upset about leaving my pets, I know it's the right thing. I slightly think I hoped someone could give me some reasons not to go, but the positives far outweigh the negatives.

[Exployer1234]

I think in the end you are going to be glad you moved back "home" and went back to school.

I did not got back to school until I was already in my 30's. It is hard having to work full-time, go to school, full-time, take care of the house, and find time to study. If I had known back then what I know know I would have gone to college 15 years ago. Just this weekend I went to a meeting on Saturday, came home did some light housework, read 186 pages in one book until 1AM, then Sunday I read another 200 pages and wrote 3 papers, plus still had to do everything around the house.

Don't feel bad for having to go back home. You will be better off in the long run.

[AngelinaCatHub]

A "Devil's Advocate"

I still have a couple other places I need to call to get the exact total, but including medical bills, credit card bills, eviction, car repossession and pay day loans is about $24,000.

I spoke with my dad today and told him I want to come "home." We set a timeline and financial goal for myself. While I'm upset about leaving my pets, I know it's the right thing. I slightly think I hoped someone could give me some reasons not to go, but the positives far outweigh the negatives.

I assume you are male, so I'm going to call you son.

Son, you asked for a diversity in why you should not go back home. I'll give you one, and then an alternate of same.

You are young, you put yourself into a crisis and a 24K payday loan situation is unacceptable. I have seen too many young men (I call boyz, due to their easy way out attitudes) that have stopped work for easy life reasons. One being my nephew, one being my grand son, one being my brothers employee. The work ethic of the young generation stinks. The wisdom of self control stinks. The fall back is too easy, and the lessons of life are ignored or not implemented. Tough times is like tempering fine steel. It makes you a better person. I in my young life and on my own once had nothing to eat except two hotdogs, no buns, no mustard. No dime to call into work when I got the flue and could not leave the toilet. Had an employee to check on me and could see I was sick.

My nephew went into the National Guard for the 20K listing fee. He had a previously minor back hurt so he listed a medical and got out, and got a small pension with the lie he made up hurting his back. He now lives off that pension until he buys enough pills that he is broke till the next month.

I'm not lecturing you, son. I am seeing your "easy way out". I am also seeing a horizon of law suits and an impossible situation to recover from. Are you realizing how you got there? I do believe in hind sight, every BKer has. I know just exactly how I got into BK. For me I could have simply apologized to my enemy for his imagined indiscretion that I did to him. I refused to the tune of near a quarter million dollars as I did no wrong and would not lick his boots. BK made me stronger not weaker. I lost everything material except my self respect.

If you go back to your parents, I wish to warn you, "familiarity breeds contempt". When Dad tells you what you can do or cannot do, and limits your freedom, will your love grow cold? Why have you not seen your parents for two years previously? They already are controlling your life by limiting your having pets. If you bring a girlfriend or male friend home, and they dislike that person for whatever reason, will you be offended?

Son, you have many things to consider. Not just financial. Your future relationship with your folks. Are you confident that it will not be compromised?

When you BK, will you have learned a lesson? Will you put your money earned into savings so that you will not get back where you are now?

************************************************** ***********

OK, you got your other side of the argument. Now some Fatherly advice. With age comes some wisdom. IF you can live with your parents and IF you do not get lazy since you will have free room and board, and IF you will not fall out with them and be in a worse situation than you are now, I will acknowledge that your plan MAY work, as long as you can affirm to every 'IF'. You know, you could just as well BK where you are at, learn pro se, and jobs if you have one are at a premium and you say you dislike your present job, you are in no position to pick and choose. Be happy you are employed at all.

This is strictly your personal decision, and I view it as a difficult one YOU must make. My only advice is; think this out long and let your 'gut feeling' lead you.

Your temporary pseudo Dad, 'Hub

[Pandora]

...

If you go back to your parents, I wish to warn you, "familiarity breeds contempt". When Dad tells you what you can do or cannot do, and limits your freedom, will your love grow cold? Why have you not seen your parents for two years previously? They already are controlling your life by limiting your having pets. If you bring a girlfriend or male friend home, and they dislike that person for whatever reason, will you be offended?
.....you have many things to consider. Not just financial. Your future relationship with your folks. Are you confident that it will not be compromised?

Very very true. Contempt will creep in on both sides to be certain. Unless you can control your emotions and your parents theirs, you will come to blows inside of 3-6 months, consider it a given. In lieu of room & board, what will you have to do in order to "earn your keep"? Dont think its going to be a free ride of sorts - it wont be - and you will be expected to do things. Will you feel like a child again at times? Without a doubt. But as it's your parents house and they will be footing the bill - you will have no real choice but to do as they ask.

If you cannot handle any of the above, then you need to sit down and weigh everything out - good to bad, then decide. While you and your parents may work out an "agreement" on living conditions / terms - it will most assuredly change during the course of your stay from both sides of the fence. If your parents have been used to being alone for the past few years with no other members in the household - it will take some time to get into a transitional stage of having someone else living there - just like it will be for you in turn.

Once a parent...always a parent - no matter how old your child is.