Is Marriage Really Worth It?

[tobee43]

Gosh, from reading this thread and the time lines, it seems we are all about the same age. Weren't we always told that these are our golden years? Well my gold turned into lead. Well if nothing more, we have this in common. We are all bankrupt, and we are all friends. It truly is an ill wind that blows no good.

Looking back, I would not change a thing, and I am blessed by my bankruptcy adjustment and this Forum and most of all, my new friends. God bless you all. 'Hub

here here

[oregonpilot]

i really admire people that can come to the point they realize they are not right for each other and civil...and i'm so GLAD you found the "right" one.

MEEE TOOOOO. I cherish every day i have with him.
It's kinda cute. I had kept my hair colored since turning gray in my 20's. He asked me to let it grow out so it looked like we belonged together.

[Pandora]

is marriage worth it? Hmmmm.. depends on if he's pissing me off or not that day ;)

In all seriousness, yes, if you know its the right person. I married young (19) and he was 24 - everyone said it wouldnt last. Here we are 21 years later, still going strong. The key is as 'Hub stated, first you must like each other as friends, and from there it gets deeper. My hubby is my soul mate (yes I believe in soul mates), we are very alike but also very different. He's calmer than I am and sort of rolls with the punches whereas I'm the one thats usually figuring out when to duck or when to jab back. LOL

I would not want to be single in this day and age and try to date. Too complicated, too many things to worry about. This is the biggest fear we have for our daughter, and why we always tell her to use extreme caution and judgment before she decides to date a person let alone sleep with them. You're taking your life in your hands in this day and age.

[tobee43]

MEEE TOOOOO. I cherish every day i have with him.
It's kinda cute. I had kept my hair colored since turning gray in my 20's. He asked me to let it grow out so it looked like we belonged together.

now that's sacrifice!! LOL!! and very sweet...

[tobee43]

is marriage worth it? Hmmmm.. depends on if he's pissing me off or not that day ;)

In all seriousness, yes, if you know its the right person. I married young (19) and he was 24 - everyone said it wouldnt last. Here we are 21 years later, still going strong. The key is as 'Hub stated, first you must like each other as friends, and from there it gets deeper. My hubby is my soul mate (yes I believe in soul mates), we are very alike but also very different. He's calmer than I am and sort of rolls with the punches whereas I'm the one thats usually figuring out when to duck or when to jab back. LOL

I would not want to be single in this day and age and try to date. Too complicated, too many things to worry about. This is the biggest fear we have for our daughter, and why we always tell her to use extreme caution and judgment before she decides to date a person let alone sleep with them. You're taking your life in your hands in this day and age.

well...personally i have said it before:

IF i was to become single again........i would take me to Monaco...sit my firm ass at one of the baccarat tables and find me the oldest riches man in the place...LOL!! ok....maybe NOT so firm...but that's what i would do.

friends is ALL you have left once you peel down the onion...you need to like each other!!

[AngelinaCatHub]

Rereading your war story this morning. wow. would have freaked me out.
To get that ceiling on the 150 you must have had helium in the tanks. LOL Learned in a Tomahawk, when taking the private test the examiner was a BIG guy. Told me to climb to some un-godly alt on a HOT summer day to do stalls. YEAH RIGHT.
I like the wings under me so i don't have to see the ground. My instructor was an 80+ yr guy...told him i was gonna B his worst nightmare and I WAS. Went on amd got my instrument just so I didn't have to be in the plane by myself.

BUT, back to the OP's Q. Have found lots of reasons to not get married cuz i was scared to be in the vulnerable place again. Spent lots of years keeping my head out of the line of fire.
Had a friend tell me..Now you know better than that. So has been a very conflicting thingfor me. Most people don't know that we're not married. I guess being judged played more in my mind than i thought.

It took a LONG time to get that high. Had to climb real slow and lean the engine almost to off. Just wanted to see if it would fly with no air. I never completed my instrument due to the fact I was too busy flying everywhere. Oh yes I did practice it now and again (not legally) but after all you WILL land, one way or other so it might as well be at an airport. I love the Tomahawk. Very large cabin and is fast. Your hubby did well rotating planes to build a paid for house. I've built two now. Our house is in construction as I write since it took a bad water hit in 2004 hurricanes. I had to gut it and much rot. All due to the fact that I could not get at it to fix it for four years due to medical. Now I'm up to working with it. One dollar, one board. No credit ever again. I found a wonderful item called a nail gun. Never used one and feel so dumb. Of course as good as my history with power tools is, I'll use it until one goes through a leg or worse.

Back to OP subject of marriage: Marriage is a state of mind, a moral commitment, and a blessing (sacrament) of God. I would never judge you or anyone who chooses not to get a legal document from a Courthouse. A contract is not important, the bind to that other person is all that matters. I needed that paper for my own head and past. A personal choice.

Now being legally married has some legal advantages and you should consider this, particularly when getting older, or collecting assets such as that house or pension survival.

About feeling badly about not working or contributing money. Wrong. If you can lay tile and sheetrock, as well as do what "housewives" do, you are working. Contributing is not money. It is companionship. Almost always people will not see one of us without the other along. Unless I have a consulting job, I am with my partner. Even working on the house, she is present (watching the power tools with first aid kit).

Our interests either are, or have become each others as well. Mrs. had her hair turn prematurely as her daddy was completely white hair at age 37. When Mrs. asked me (only once) if I wanted her to dye her hair back to a dark brown, I told her "hell no, we will age gracefully and enjoy every minute of it". Her hair is a platinum silver and very pretty. It does not look gray to me. It looks beautiful.

For me, I choose legally married. For others, it is a personal choice. In essence, does it matter if that is your life companion? 'Hub

[tobee43]

It took a LONG time to get that high. Had to climb real slow and lean the engine almost to off. Just wanted to see if it would fly with no air. I never completed my instrument due to the fact I was too busy flying everywhere. Oh yes I did practice it now and again (not legally) but after all you WILL land, one way or other so it might as well be at an airport. I love the Tomahawk. Very large cabin and is fast. Your hubby did well rotating planes to build a paid for house. I've built two now. Our house is in construction as I write since it took a bad water hit in 2004 hurricanes. I had to gut it and much rot. All due to the fact that I could not get at it to fix it for four years due to medical. Now I'm up to working with it. One dollar, one board. No credit ever again. I found a wonderful item called a nail gun. Never used one and feel so dumb. Of course as good as my history with power tools is, I'll use it until one goes through a leg or worse.

Back to OP subject of marriage: Marriage is a state of mind, a moral commitment, and a blessing (sacrament) of God. I would never judge you or anyone who chooses not to get a legal document from a Courthouse. A contract is not important, the bind to that other person is all that matters. I needed that paper for my own head and past. A personal choice.

Now being legally married has some legal advantages and you should consider this, particularly when getting older, or collecting assets such as that house or pension survival.

About feeling badly about not working or contributing money. Wrong. If you can lay tile and sheetrock, as well as do what "housewives" do, you are working. Contributing is not money. It is companionship. Almost always people will not see one of us without the other along. Unless I have a consulting job, I am with my partner. Even working on the house, she is present (watching the power tools with first aid kit).

Our interests either are, or have become each others as well. Mrs. had her hair turn prematurely as her daddy was completely white hair at age 37. When Mrs. asked me (only once) if I wanted her to dye her hair back to a dark brown, I told her "hell no, we will age gracefully and enjoy every minute of it". Her hair is a platinum silver and very pretty. It does not look gray to me. It looks beautiful.

For me, I choose legally married. For others, it is a personal choice. In essence, does it matter if that is your life companion? 'Hub

hub....you really are sweet...and GOD Is good, we woman many times feel over burdened and unappreciated...and, it so helps when you men lose your eyesight as you get older and can only see our hearts and not the wrinkles and crinkles...thanks!

[AngelinaCatHub]

Hey Orogonpilot: you liked the Tomahawk so you can't see the ground? Isn't the whole idea of flying is souring above it all? I used to LOVE seeing traffic jams below me when I was cruising over all that mess.

The height below you buys time, and anything above 50 feet is academic as far as a crash. Two least useful things is runway in back of you, and height above you. Airspeed helps too. 'Hub

[AngelinaCatHub]

hub....you really are sweet...and GOD Is good, we woman many times feel over burdened and unappreciated...and, it so helps when you men lose your eyesight as you get older and can only see our hearts and not the wrinkles and crinkles...thanks!

Thank you for enjoying my theories on life. They work for me. Now you are a young person as I know your age is the same as Mrs. C. She noted you stated it somewhere. Now whenever you look back into old pictures you realize how transitory our physical being is. How temporal. Our real person is within us.

A great revelation is a High school reunion. Ever been to one? Those macho boys who played ball are either dead, fat with no hair, those real knock outs are fat and loud, and the wall flower who was so ugly no one wold associate, turns out to look 25 with a figure that won't quit. What a sense of humor God has.

We just went to Mrs. 40th. My fiftieth will be 2012 so now you know our ages. I never realized being a Senior Citizen is a Title of Pride.

[AngelinaCatHub]

How to Do the Philosophy of Happiness


Epicurus, who lived from 341 BC to 270 BC, believed that one should live a happy, self-sufficient life surrounded by friends. He recommended the path of the small pleasure: "Send me a small piece of cheese, so that I may indulge myself whenever I wish."[3] Epicurus taught the importance of being frugal in external things (knowing your "point of enough"), providing for the necessities of life, putting inner happiness in the center of life, and working every day on improving your mind. His goal was to overcome all fears and unnecessary desires, and thereby live like a god among men.

http://www.wikihow.com/Do-the-Philosophy-of-Happiness-%28Diogenes%2C-Epicurus%29

EDIT: I picked my way, how 'bout you?

[tobee43]

Thank you for enjoying my theories on life. They work for me. Now you are a young person as I know your age is the same as Mrs. C. She noted you stated it somewhere. Now whenever you look back into old pictures you realize how transitory our physical being is. How temporal. Our real person is within us.

A great revelation is a High school reunion. Ever been to one? Those macho boys who played ball are either dead, fat with no hair, those real knock outs are fat and loud, and the wall flower who was so ugly no one wold associate, turns out to look 25 with a figure that won't quit. What a sense of humor God has.

We just went to Mrs. 40th. My fiftieth will be 2012 so now you know our ages. I never realized being a Senior Citizen is a Title of Pride.

oh...it indeed is hub....a title of pride...

i can't look back on pictures...we don't even had any wedding ones...i'm one of those my entire life is in our hearts...i may have only a handful of my entire life in a picture...one when i was 6 months old...one or two in middle school....and a few from now...no wedding...nothing...so guess i have nothing to fret about!! can't see myself then...although i look DARN good now!! could use a nip and tuck here and there...but i stay in shape..mostly for heath reasons but it doesn't hurt the old bod.

oh!! but i REALLY don't even know that! since we own NO full length mirrors...(the truth)!

[Freddy03]

Well I will tell the OP this - marriage is hard, relationships are hard. I've been married for almost 11 years but we did things backwards. I got pregnant young. Our parents tried to force us into marriage but I declined. After 7 years we married on our own terms. And been together ever since. It has not always been easy. We definitely have our differences but we are making it work

[onthefence]

I agree with several of the above posters that you have to be friends first, and that marriage is a personal choice. I knew my DH for 2 years before we started dating. We were also married young. If I had a dime, even a penny, for every time I heard "you won't last", well, I am certain that I would not be a member of this form!! LOL! Well, we just celebrated anniversary number 16, and all those who said we wouldn't last have been divorced! All I can say is that he is my best friend and I love spending time with him. Don't take that to mean that he doesn't drive me crazy sometimes....of course he does! And it does take work, sometimes really hard work - but don't all the good things in life?

[bulletproof77]

Unfortunately, my marriage didn't survive our financial issues, among many other issues we had. Lack of communication being the big one. After 24 years, she "just wasn't into this anymore". We produced four great kids and had some great times together, but that whole growing apart and indifference just killed it (That..and her infidelity, but that's another subject ahem..). After the divorce, I was kind of bitter about relationships and marriage and just concentrated on work and finding another house. My only real commitment was to my Yellow Lab and his conversation skills are lacking a bit. Then a few years ago I actually went to one of those high school reunions. I met a woman who I had dated for years in school. We never did get married because after school I enlisted and ended up coming back from Vietnam with a pretty crappy attitude about life in general. Over the years, she raised her family, I raised mine and we exchanged the usual Christmas cards and with the advent of the Internet an occasional casual email..Fast forward many years. I brought a DUI into a local ER for a blood draw one night and there she was, the girl from the reunion. She was divorced a few years, as I was. We "kept it very light" for quite a while due to my paranoia about relationships. She met my kids, they loved her, her family still likes me after all this time and we very slowly realized we had something a lot of people don't. That we were great friends first. All the "rest" seemed to fall into place after that. She's everything I need in a relationship. The end result to this long winded story ? We have "lived in sin" together the last couple years and everything is great. However, I like many others want her to have some security in case I leave this planet...Soo..We will just be having a quiet little ceremony in Las Vegas in early spring, and legalize things. I don't need that piece of paper, but I want her to have it, just in case. And I'm not nervous at all about it..

[jane taylor]

Husband and I have been happily (most of the time!) married for 22 years and been together almost 24. Didn't EVEN have a clue what the part of vows "for better or worse . . . " would have entailed, but would do it all over again. We've definitely been through a lot--job losses, challenging medical problems, rebellious teenagers, but when I honestly look at it, there have been MANY more blessings and cannot imagine life without him!