Is Marriage Really Worth It?

[freedomnow7]

As I am becoming more and more free from debt everyday, I'm thinking about future contracts and how they will affect my life. And for me, the most binding contract of all is marriage.

First of all, my parents have been married for almost 40 years. I have been in a beautiful relationship for 2.5 years. We do not have children together, or from previous relationships. We live together, however do not share bank accounts. We are both in our 30's.

My question is, if things are going really well now, what exactly would marriage change? He's been married before and I have not. We're both open to getting married one day but I want to get some opinions out there on marriage and what it really means and how is it different from what we are doing now?

[tobee43]

we personally were hippies in the 60's totally, san fran calif...haight/ ashbury and pot... anti marriage...however the VA benefits for going to college doubled if we married...so we thought..cool..that extra money works for us.

40 years later...i'm still liking him most of time and loving him always...marriage is a state of mind NOT a piece of paper...so it's a personal thing as far as i'm concerned...i was 16 when i met him (i use to be smart and was in college at 16)....and it's one of the only things i do NOT regret in my life...but once again it's very personal decision, only one you can decide.

[freedomnow7]

Tobee - If you had to do it all over again, would you have gotten married legally, or just continued to be spiritually married, but not on paper?

[tobee43]

well actually it is the spiritual part that keeps us together...i think...i was so fortunate in my life to have found my soul mate. many people are not and settle...i was just one of the lucky ones. and would absolutely do it again...in retrospect...... on thursdays...ask me tomorrow, i may have a differnet answer...LOL!~

[tobee43]

well actually it is the spiritual part that keeps us together...i think...i was so fortunate in my life to have found my soul mate. many people are not and settle...i was just one of the lucky ones. and would absolutely do it again...in retrospect...... on thursdays...ask my tomorrow...LOL!~

oh and the legal thing protects us for each other...NOT that we are thinking it's needed at this point in our lives.

[freedomnow7]

That was a beautiful response. Thank you, Tobee.

I think I have some hippee in me too....I have a macrame and burn incense on the regular.

[tobee43]

That was a beautiful response. Thank you, Tobee.

I think I have some hippee in me too....I have a macrame and burn incense on the regular.

well freedom...that macrame thingy and some incense certainly qualifies you as pure hippy..!! ROFL!!!!! too funny and very cute!

[oregonpilot]

Well....i was married for 30 yrs before getting divorce. We were both 19 back then. Seemed like a good idea at the time. LOL
He remarried the month after our divorce and i attended. They are great together and i hugged them at the wedding and told them that i hoped the best for them. I knew her for years and she is a really sweet person.
My S.O., sweetheart, soul mate, best friend and i are looking at getting married in Jan. Been together a bit over 9 yrs. Our reason is more financial. He wants to be sure i'm taken care of if something happens to him. I'm 59 ..he's 76. He doesn't want me to be living in my car when i'm old and gray.
WAIT...OH NO....I'm already there. Guess its like BK. a financial decision.
Who knows...i may chicken out B4 then.

[AngelinaCatHub]

My opinion only.

I married young, at 19. In my day, you went to college, went into service, or married and had kids. I got a good career job and the third. My belief was and is, you marry once and forever.

I/we raised two trouble free wonderful daughters. We after 10 years were not progressing through life equally. After 23 years I was about to end my life and both daughters told me they had wished I had ended the marriage ten years before. I was surprised, but kids seem to pick up more than we realize. My wife and I just grew into different directions.

She would have stayed with me but I could no longer tolerate the situation. I still love that women but I divorced her, paid alimony by choice not law. Even into one year of her new marriage some years later. Until she asked me to stop.

I met Mrs. C several years before, but no interest till our interest seem to become apparent. She was an "old maid" of 37 and never seriously dated or ever married. I had been "around".

Her interests and mine were very much alike as well as our intellect. We became "friends" first then we kinda "visited" a lot. I told her that I would not accept a live in situation as I am a person of full or no commitment. After a length of time, we 'ran away' and got civilly married. Due to circumstances, we got remarried in her Church two years later and on the same day of anniversary.

We are on the brink of equaling 23 years of my first marriage.

We both decided this long ago: First you have to LIKE a person, before you love them. NEXT, you have to "renegotiate" your marriage DAILY. I mean what I just said. It is a constant effort.

We also realize, when we have a disagreement, (argument) and do something in spite to "hurt" the other, it is hurting our self not the other. When you marry, it is ONE person. That is what a marriage is; ONE person, but two people. If you can understand that, you will have a working knowledge of what a good marriage is.

I often tell my Mrs. that after our 23, my next wife I shall at least make 24, if she does not always agree with me. (LOL a joke) I would not survive that remark. LOL 'Hub

[AngelinaCatHub]

Gosh, from reading this thread and the time lines, it seems we are all about the same age. Weren't we always told that these are our golden years? Well my gold turned into lead. Well if nothing more, we have this in common. We are all bankrupt, and we are all friends. It truly is an ill wind that blows no good.

Looking back, I would not change a thing, and I am blessed by my bankruptcy adjustment and this Forum and most of all, my new friends. God bless you all. 'Hub

[oregonpilot]

Ahhh Hub. You guys sound sooooo cool together.
My sweetie looks at me and tears up and says that he wished we had found each other many years earlier and it took him too long to find me.
I get ALL gooshy inside just talking about him. When we first got together i thought he was way too old. I'm glad i didn't listen to myself.
Remembering something i read from one of your posts. You were a pilot.

S.O. and i first met when he was selling his 68 Cherokee 180. X and I (weren't x's at the time) Bought it and kept it touch. Was working on my license 12 yrs ago so we had kept it touch how i was doing and where we were flying..with his "old baby".
Found out we were both going thru divorce. Lived 3 hrs apart so was long distance for a while.
Haven't flown in nearly 8 yrs. Seems like a whole lifetime ago. x kept the plane for a while after the divorce
Funny his new wife didn't want to fly so he sold it.

[AngelinaCatHub]

Ahhh Hub. You guys sound sooooo cool together.
My sweetie looks at me and tears up and says that he wished we had found each other many years earlier and it took him too long to find me.
I get ALL gooshy inside just talking about him. When we first got together i thought he was way too old. I'm glad i didn't listen to myself.
Remembering something i read from one of your posts. You were a pilot.

S.O. and i first met when he was selling his 68 Cherokee 180. X and I (weren't x's at the time) Bought it and kept it touch. Was working on my license 12 yrs ago so we had kept it touch how i was doing and where we were flying..with his "old baby".
Found out we were both going thru divorce. Lived 3 hrs apart so was long distance for a while.
Haven't flown in nearly 8 yrs. Seems like a whole lifetime ago. x kept the plane for a while after the divorce
Funny his new wife didn't want to fly so he sold it.

To think: An airplane brought two Angels together. I wonderful thought.

Yes I owned a little Cessna 150 and damned the day I sold it. I would have lost it in bk anyway. I put 2K hours on it and once (illegally) got it to 14.5. service ceiling only 12.

Had pretty blue fingernails and sang "If I had the wings of an Angel......", but I put it down for weather in Coal City VA and spend a month for three days there. NOTHING there but a flop house with bad food.

I doubt that I could get a medical now. I flew many planes but loved that Cessna.

A war story: Had battery out, cowling off to clean the machine and change oil. Went to move it to wash rack. Told my (ex) wife to be in seat, pull throttle back once I propped the machine. On catching, she put the throttle to the board. Holding onto the strut, the door was locked and me screaming turn the key off, it rotated around me and fortunately did not get going. Fortunately we both and others survived, and needless to say, I paid for her solo permit.

Sometimes we do stupid stuff and still survive. Reminds me of pulling a suction on a gas tank with a vacuum cleaner. It worked. I ran like hell. Then the drop cut with the Skill saw. 55K of surgery. AND, I was tested as I.Q. 140 once. Can't trust those tests. 'Hub

[oregonpilot]

He's had quite a few planes over the years. He liked to buy fix them up and sell. Since we/ve been together he's bought a Long EZ, (found out about it from instructor here that the owner abondened it and where it was being stored) it was a beauty. Got it cheap ended up selling it to my x and son.
A 69 Cardinal that was in repo. Neglected, got for a song and spent 6 months fixing it up and sold it. And a 152.
All those together helped him put the funds together to build the house we're in. Built it ourselves (cept foundation, setting trusses,shingles & sheetrock.)
It's the first new home he's had with no morgage.
I feel sometimes like a leach cuz financially i can't contribute very much when i'm not working. I guess i'm the slave labor. LOL I've done all the painting . layed all the laminate and some of the tile work and grouting and the landscaping and stuff.

[oregonpilot]

Rereading your war story this morning. wow. would have freaked me out.
To get that ceiling on the 150 you must have had helium in the tanks. LOL Learned in a Tomahawk, when taking the private test the examiner was a BIG guy. Told me to climb to some un-godly alt on a HOT summer day to do stalls. YEAH RIGHT.
I like the wings under me so i don't have to see the ground. My instructor was an 80+ yr guy...told him i was gonna B his worst nightmare and I WAS. Went on amd got my instrument just so I didn't have to be in the plane by myself.

BUT, back to the OP's Q. Have found lots of reasons to not get married cuz i was scared to be in the vulnerable place again. Spent lots of years keeping my head out of the line of fire.
Had a friend tell me..Now you know better than that. So has been a very conflicting thingfor me. Most people don't know that we're not married. I guess being judged played more in my mind than i thought.

[tobee43]

Well....i was married for 30 yrs before getting divorce. We were both 19 back then. Seemed like a good idea at the time. LOL
He remarried the month after our divorce and i attended. They are great together and i hugged them at the wedding and told them that i hoped the best for them. I knew her for years and she is a really sweet person.
My S.O., sweetheart, soul mate, best friend and i are looking at getting married in Jan. Been together a bit over 9 yrs. Our reason is more financial. He wants to be sure i'm taken care of if something happens to him. I'm 59 ..he's 76. He doesn't want me to be living in my car when i'm old and gray.
WAIT...OH NO....I'm already there. Guess its like BK. a financial decision.
Who knows...i may chicken out B4 then.

i really admire people that can come to the point they realize they are not right for each other and civil...and i'm so GLAD you found the "right" one.