New benefits for those 50+ (humor)

[andy158]

My birthday is next week and a friend emailed this. Not so unbelievable.....

New benefits for those 50+:

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years and older on early retirement.

The scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPEd can apply to Congress to be considered for the SHAFT (Special Help After Termination). Persons who have been RAPEd and SHAFTed will be reviewed under the SCREW (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers) program.

A person my be RAPEd once, SHAFTed twice and SCREWed as many times as Congress deems necessary.

Persons Who Have been RAPEd can get AIDS (Additional INcome for Dependant Spoused) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personel Early Severenced).

Obviiously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTed or SCREWed any further by Congress.

Persons wh are not RAPEd and continue to work will receive as much S**T (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Congress has always prided itself on the amount of S**T they give our citizens.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough S**T, please bring this to the attention of your congressman. He has been throughly trained in giving all the S**T you can handle.

Sincerely,

The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (EVIL)

P.S. Due to the recent budget cuts and the rising cost of energy as well as current economic conditions, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off!!

[tobee43]

Ok.....this has to be the FUNNIEST thing i have ever HEARD!!!!

tears and a run to the bathroom were in order after reading this...


thank you thank THANK YOU....for making us laugh so hard!!!!

[ryan]

I am sending this every 'over 50' I know ----It;s hysterical!!!!!!!!!!!

[helpmeout]

You know, it really isn't funny. Ever been a victim of an actual rape?

[BobMango]

You know, it really isn't funny. Ever been a victim of an actual rape?

There's always someone to be offended. Tell a joke about a car crash, somebody was in one and doesn't find it funny. Tell a joke about a guy catching his wife cheating and so on....soon we won't be able to tell any joke about anything because it might offend someone somewhere.

The thing about humor is that it is generally rooted in misfortune and is often a coping mechanism.

So here's one that should offend a few others.

A guy goes on vacation and gets his buddy to watch his cat for him. After a few days away he calls his buddy to see how things are going. His buddy blurts out that his cat is dead.

"What!? That's no way to break that kind of news! You gotta ease into it, you know, something like "Well your cat was running around on the roof, got distracted by a bird and fell off, ended up dead. I'm real sorry."

His buddy says, "Yeah, you're right, sorry about that"

A few more days go by and the guy calls back. Asks how things are going. His buddy says, "Well, your mother was on the roof...."

So my apologies if you had a mother, a cat, an insensitive friend, gone on vacation, etc.

[andy158]

+1^
Humor comes in many forms and ironically many can find humor in tragedy. For most of us it is a coping mechanism.

[wnguyen]

This is one of the funny ways to play the words out since I've read the "Employee Attitude Test Special High Intensity Training" jokes.

[bigtim6656]

Dang I needed a good laugh today now that is some funny s**T I want shafted and screwed but you can keep the aids and herpes LMAO

[BigJohn]

It is funny but true at the same time.

Time to go buy some more KY.

[Maine]

Time to go buy some more KY.

You should be able to deduct that as a medical expense.

[houston7]

You know, it really isn't funny. Ever been a victim of an actual rape?

If you spend your life looking to be offended you will always find what you are looking for.

[wnguyen]

If you spend your life looking to be offended you will always find what you are looking for.

Didn't mean to offend anyone and didn't mean to suck up to anyone either, but I DO like this statement. Do you hold any copyright or copyleft of this one?