Trying to help my mom

[jb300]

I really don't know where to put this at so here goes. I was talking to my 72 year old mother yesterday on the phone and we got to a problem she has been dealing with and didn't tell me about.

My dad passed away about 21 years ago. My mom never remarried. She was young, just around 50 when he died. Some time ago could have been 8-10 years ago she met a man. He was at least 15 years younger than her. She never said much about him but I know he drove truck and she rarely saw him, just talked to him a lot on the phone.

I know he got in trouble with his taxes and she was trying to help him with some of that bookwork, that is what she had done for a living, bookkeeping. Well now I find out that she got a credit card for him, I am assuming she got it in her name and put him on it. She never charged anything on it, it was all his charges. I know when I talked to her yesterday that there is about $5K that she still owes on this. I don't think he has ever paid her a dime on this and she is working extra jobs trying to get this paid off. When my dad died there was no life insurance due to a chronic illness he had for years so my mom has had to work hard all these years.

She is getting nowhere on this card because of the interest. She said the amount that was charged has been paid off but the interest has accrued faster than she can keep up with. I asked her if it was time to file BK and get out from under it but she doesn't want to lose all her other cards. They are all paid off and kept up with. She also has a couple CD's and stocks that will be affected if she files BK.

Now here is the kicker. He is laying in a hospital in New Mexico on a ventilator from a bad accident he was in. Has been in ICU since mid Nov.

Is there anything she can do to get herself out from under this and get anything from him or possibly his estate if he dies? She lives in another state.

Sorry this is so long but I am trying to figure out what to do to help her. I was afraid he was going to take advantage of her when I heard about the guy years ago. My mom is generous to a fault and tries to help others and now she is getting hurt by this. She is still working almost fulltime and she told me yesterday that this is why she is still working so hard.

[OHBOY]

With all due respect...but, having gone through bk, I suspect you already know the answer....
All seems to be simple: either use cd's and stocks to pay off cc... or, file for bk and have trustee take the 'goods'.
Personally, hearing what was described, I don't think that it would be worthwhile filing.....

Last option is to get to the $%#^% on the ventilator and either kiss him, or hold a gun to the guys head while asking him if he wants to come clean, and pay up, before 'checking out'......(just a fantasy thought of course.. )

[jb300]

I know that those are her options, I really do. I guess what I need to know is there anyway she can file anything to try to get some money from him if he has any in the event of his death? She doesn't have a lot of details but depending on the circumstances of the accident there might be a settlement.

If she can get charge slips from the CC company that prove he charged the charges could she win a suit?

Also is there anything with the new CC laws going into effect that can help reduce the interest? I am even wondering about a non-profit consumer credit place that might be able to stop the interest from going up.

This is just horrible, my mom has always done good with her CC and because she gets conned by some shister and here she is. She doesn't own a house, she is renting now. She just has her car. Her stocks and CD's were all the savings she had to try to get by until she couldn't take care of herself anymore. This whole situation sucks.

[lrprn]

First, bless you for trying to help your mom.

Is there anything she can do to get herself out from under this and get anything from him or possibly his estate if he dies? She lives in another state.

From what you said, the only financial tie between them is the credit card, and your mom voluntarily made this man an authorized user. Unfortunately there's nothing she can do legally to get the money from him no matter what happens. She's the guarantor for payments on the credit card. Unless your mom put together some kind of contract in writing that he signed stating he would pay off the debt he accrued on the card, then this man has no legal financial obligation to pay on the cc debt or to pay her back either.

My mom is generous to a fault and tries to help others and now she is getting hurt by this. She is still working almost fulltime and she told me yesterday that this is why she is still working so hard.

Unfortunately your mom is now dealing directly with the consequences of giving money away to someone with no legal protection to back up being repaid. This is a very hard lesson to learn this way I'm sorry it's been so hard on your mom.

Others have already shared the right thing to do here - cash in the stocks and bonds to either pay off the debt or make a dent in it so she has a chance to pay it off on her own. Given just what you've told us here, filing bk in this situation is probably not the right path for your mom.

[jb300]

Thanks everyone... I figured this is what was going to be the answer. She was trying to contact his mother who is handleing his bills now to see what she might be able to do.

I also found out that my mom was helping an alcholic former co-worker. He is still in touch with her although he lives a few hours away. She said he owes her money too but he doesn't have any money to pay her back either.

At what point do adult children approach their parents about being involved with their finacial decisions? What concerns me here is I am the only one left in my immediate family. My dad is gone as I previously stated, but so are my sister and brother. I live 2 hours away from her. Her family has a history of alzheimers, 3 sisters now have died from it.

I know this is a difficult situation here and I am guessing 5-10K has just went down the drain for her retirement years by these useless people.

[lrprn]

I know this is a difficult situation here and I am guessing 5-10K has just went down the drain for her retirement years by these useless people.

Unless your mother can be declared legally incompetent to handle her own financial affairs or she is willing to voluntarily turn her finances over to you or another family member, frankly there's nothing you can do to stop her from giving her money to whoever she wants. It's her money to waste if she wishes. Unfortunate but true.

[Flamingo]

Your mother opened that account for that man under who own accord and knew the consequences that could happen if he disappeared out of her life. Unfortunately, that is just the way it is. $5,000 is not a lot of debt to freak over and is pennies to consider getting that man out of her life. Unless you can get your mother declared incompetent to handle her own affairs, she may continue on doing this as she is looking for someone to fulfill an empty spot in her life. You may want to consider having her move in with you or another relative and try to get some control over her financial affairs if you are able. May I suggest getting a consultation with an elder care lawyer - the $75 or so you will spend for that consultation will be priceless to you.