Christmas dilemma

[JEM]

You are right, it would be so much easier if they announced they were going on vacation!

Christmas is not, IMO, supposed to be about gifts. But of course everyone else thinks it is! It would be so much easier if everyone didn't feel the pressure. My mother's side of the family decided to draw names this year so each person only has to buy 1 gift instead of something for everyone. Now if only my dad's family and my husband's mom's family and dad's family would do the same, we'd be in business!

We have two small children that DO still believe in Santa and so those are the first things on my list to buy. I bought my son a present that cost no more than $5. I bought a $5 plastic hotwheels case. Then I transferred an RX to Rite Aid and got a free $25 GC for doing so. I used that money to buy hot wheels to fill it. They were on sale 2/$1 on Black Friday. I can't think of a present that would excite him more than a case filled with hotwheels. His sister, I have yet to buy anything for, I'm still looking for a deal.

For the grandparents in our lives, I do lots of photo gifts. I stock up on clearance picture frames/albums throughout the year, and then get in on the free 8x10 deals at Walgreens, CVS, etc. I give them framed photos of their grandchildren, they certainly treasure them and it doesn't cost me much.

I'm glad that your children understand your position this year....but it does not have to be a sad Christmas. I think you should still put up your tree, as long as you already have the ornaments to decorate it and do not have to go out and buy anything. Cook a hot meal and celebrate what you DO have--family and friends--and you do still have that roof over your heads. That's what matters most. Not things wrapped in paper and bows.

We do this for Grandparent's too.

For my two young kids (7 & 9) I'm also doing practical gifts that they'll need anyway this year. Some jammies, clothes etc....

[tanya0525]

I can totally relate to your situation. My husband lost his job in September. We have yet to receive any unemployment. My income covers the house payment, gas, groceries. Unlike you, we have small children. Praying that the unemployment comes thru before Christmas or we will be in serious trouble (household bills).

Tanya

My kids are 9 (boy), daughter is (10) and oldest is 17. My daughter and oldest boy understand that we are in a bind. My son is a totally different story. My grandparents called and said they were going send us something for the kids (around $100). Hoping that my mother-in-law will be able to help. She has been helping us with extra gas money....groceries..and miscellanous things that come up. Right now we are two months behind in things.

I do agree that people need to realize what the true meaning of Christmas is. I am greatful for my family...to have a roof over my head..and a job that I love

Tanya
[email protected]

[Kansas1960]

My wife has an friend that is in her 40's and in the final stage of terminal cancer. I read some of her writings as she has documented her journey over the last 4 years. One thing she wrote really hits home to me. She missed the daily things she once called problems. How she missed those simpler times and she gave examples similar to the things that bother me today. We that have our health are lucky. We cannot file chapter 7 to fix our bad health, it is what it is so let's keep it all in perspective.

[cleanslate01]

Just when I was stressing about Christmas, trying to cut corners, etc, I was snapped back to reality. My friend's 2 year old beautiful baby boy suddenly died. They are still waiting to find the cause - swine flu is suspected but not confirmed. The news shook me to the core especially since our children were the same age. I did a complete 180 and re-evalauted what Christmas meant to me. Instead of exchanging gifts, my husband and I are putting that little amount towards presents for the kids. I decorated the house with old decorations from better years and homemade ones. I've picked a Christmas craft to do with my toddlers EVERY day since November 15th and my house is filled with painted pinecones, paper ornaments and foam snowmen which will be doled out to teachers, friends, and grandparents. But more importantly, I have made wonderful memories with my babies and I smile when they wake up from naps and ask, "Mama - what's our project today?".

We were honest with our families and in support (and I think mutual relief), they all decided to not exchange gifts among the adults.

[NHC]

You could do something craftwise- maybe make a montage of old pictures and memories.


Paint a rock.

volunteer at a soup kitchen in his name.

My favorite Christmas gift is handmade chocolates....honestly. Folks love them...they look forward to them...the folks at work FIGHT over them at the Gift exchange...it's easy, cheap, and tasty....and everyone knows that the 'gift' is not the item itself but my time. A few years ago, when things started getting tight, I took up an old hobby-crocheting. Again, I don't know what it is..but my family argues over who's "turn" it is to get the "christmas afghan"....this year's afghan is black , heather grey and sapphire blue.....

[LALADY]

The best gifts my parents ever receive from me are holiday cards with a letter to them telling them how much they mean to me and why. They have saved each and every one, and it costs no more than a card. It doesn't even need to cost that. Just the handwritten letter. If words or thoughts are difficult to come up with, you can look around the net.

http://www.agiftofpoetry.com/recent_poems.htm

http://www.poemsource.com/father-poems.html

http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/family/dad-poems.asp

[JRScott]

He probably knows something is wrong, especially if you've not invited him over as much as in past years. He might just be being quiet.

Still an expensive gift is not necessary. As you get older the gifts mean less, its the time with family and friends that becomes important. Your gift to him could just be having him over.

Perhaps a new picture of your family for his wall or counter might be something you could muster. (Assuming you can afford to take the picture yourself, get it printed out....you could use one of your nice but older frames to frame it).

[Mi Bankruptcy]

I have dealt with this similar situation. We were forthright with that we didn't want to spend too much money during Christmas. We told family we would be delighted if they would come over for food. We asked each couple to bring a dish to pass that they liked to eat. Pull out some old photos, or photo albums and ask your parents to bring some. I am sure you will be absolutely delighted at how your evening will turn out and you just may look back and smile in a couple years and say.. that was the best Christmas ever... You will have also taught the 17 year old something.

[StartingOver08]

MI_Bankruptcy has a great idea. That's what we did for Thanksgiving this year and plan for Christmas too. I also discovered all those old photos from my kids early years and we put together an album of "life to date" so to speak. We were able to get copies of the old photos for only pennies at CVS (those photos were we lost the negatives from 30 yrs ago!). We spent all day cooking and eating - and Christmas will be the same. But these are the times that really bring us together, sometimes money just gets in the way!

[Mi Bankruptcy]

The only problem will be the hours it will eat up talking about pictures and all the stories that always come out these things. The parents will enjoy sharing their struggles and their stories

[momisery]

I am the only child of 7 that is facing a bk.. so I know how you feel, you do not want to disapoint. We are not buying for anyone this year, but I have a photoshop in my computer. So I spent a lot of time on copying and printing our old family photos for family this year. They know money is tight, but not how tight. My Dad is old enough to remember the great depression he is 90. He worries about my sister and I the two youngest because we have lost children and will have no one to care for us in our old age... He worries too much already.. so I am not telling him or family (also feel it would reflect badley on hubby as he is laid off), and we are just doing a photo thing... pretty easy for us as we don't live very close to him.

[areck]

update/Christmas dilemma

We did put up our artificial tree and all the decorations. Figured that costs nothing. Why not. Under the tree? Empty, and will remain that way.

I don't feel as bad as I did. The older daughter, bought a new home this past year (Trailer home) and needed a lot of help with setup, and we helped her what little we could with buying things for her new home. So she "got" what we could do for her (Craigslist used furniture is the absolute best thing going), it just wasn't under the tree for her at xmas. And she understands completely, she's 26 yo.

The middle daughter got married this past year (and yes in the face of all this we planned, and for like 2 years, paid for it, not on cc's either, but scraping and scrimping, and yes, should've been paying cc's, but wasn't, was in default). But with the help of daughter and her budget, and we with ours (or lackthereof) we had a simple wedding for her. She also set up her own household, and was in need of numerous things. And so we've done what we could for her over the last year. So she too "got", just not under the xmas tree. And she is very understanding of our plight.

The youngest daughter (17) want her own laptop. She gets monies, from ole g'dad, the same one I'm worried about. She gets monies from a separate g'ma. And she has monies of her own from a little p/t job she has. And so mom and dad will kick in some $$$ and she can put it with what monies she already has and what monies she will receive from others, and if she wants a laptop she can go get one. That will be her xmas.

As to my dad. He and his wife (stepmom) invited us over for xmas. That was a relief. I didn't want them to come here and see the stark empty space under the tree, which says it all. So we will head to their house.

Now then. I remembered that someone had given me a Barnes and Noble giftcard for my bday, that I never used. That, I will now go spend to buy him a book, for xmas (he's an avid reader). I also have a Visa Debit card in the amount of $30, issued by the local phone co., for having signed on to a different plan. That, I'll utilize to get something for stepmom. And that will be that.

And, if this doesn't warm the heart, what will. My two older daughters are grown (live locally however). They both have their own households now. First xmas that they will both have their own households. Heretofore, it had been only the eldestwith her own shanty of a trailer, til now (she has a brand new beautiful trailer home). Now it's only the 17 yo at home (and she wishes she could be grown and gone, ........... don't they all). Well the middle daughter, who is newly married, asked me the other day was I going to cook my traditional b'fast casserole that I make on xmas a.m. I told her I didn't know, hadn't thought about it. She wanted to know if I would do that, said she and her husband would come over and eat b'fast here. I said to her "oh now you don't wanna do that, how bout I just give you the recipe and you start your own tradition at your home, ............. this is your first xmas as a married couple, you guys are gonna wanna enjoy your time together and your home, your space". She said "no, not really, we want to be with family, ...... we want to do what we've always done, have that yummy b'fast casserole and be with family". The older daughter was sitting listening to that, and responded in kind, asking if I would do so.

So looks like I will have the two older daughters and their s/o's around in the a.m. for b'fast, (that is if I can afford to go buy the ingredients to cook it). Even though they have their own households now, and their own lives, they want to return here for xmas a.m. Warms the heart. And they know, both of them, that there won't be a stack of presents under the tree, so it's not because they think there's a bounty here for em.

[JRScott]

Glad to hear things are looking up, You know I've not put my tree up. Just been to busy and no one comes at Christmas. I'll dig out my manger seen probably.

If she searches around she might can find a good deal on a computer, I'd check like dell.com, hp.com, etc, you might also try newegg.com. If she shops around she might can find a good bargain and get a decent laptop with what she gets gathered up.

[lindsay2181]

Glad to hear your positive attitude! And I think having your girls over for breakfast is a great idea. Maybe they realize that the holidays are not just about getting gifts.....they are adults now and maybe the realize, things in the real world aren't always as magical as they appeared during childhood. And if they would like to spend time with the family that says something about the way you have raised them. You should be proud!

I'm 28, and having my own financial struggles I can understand what stress my parents must have had trying to do this and that for my brother and me when we were growing up. I would not be upset if I didn't have a present under their tree. To me, all that matters is going to their house on Christmas Eve and sitting around the living room drinking hot chocolate and chatting like we always have, which now includes our spouses and children. And if there were no presents I would still value that tradition.

Glad your girls feel the same way!

[lindsay2181]

I am proud to say, I am helping two families for Christmas. Though I can't afford much and spent a bare minimum on my own children, I came to be aware of a little boy who probably wasn't going to have anything under the tree. I decided to help his mom out. Today I bought a $20 gift card at Toys R Us and I'm mailing it to his mom. She can use it to buy him something. I know it's not much, but that's about the same amount I spent on my own son. Then I heard about a local mom who has 4 kids and no Christmas tree, much less presents to put under it. I really am not in the position to go out and buy toys or give her cash but I told her I would put together a couple bags of food from my pantry. Another mom offered to give her a Christmas tree with ornaments, and others offered to buy toys and clothes. To save the woman some embarrasment, I came up with the idea to drop the stuff off at a nearby church and she can pick it up later. Another mom offered to pick up everything from those who wanted to donate and she will drive it all to the church.

It feels good to help others. I want to try and start a tradition with my kids and do this every year.