EdytaHome where are you?

[robivi3]

We know that you are in Poland but if you look in, just want to let you know that your friends remember you!

[Minnymouth]

DITTO,

WE MISS YA AND YOUR WORDS OF WISDOM....

Hope you and yours are having a great time there!!

Minny

[EdytaHome]

Oh you guys are awesome...
I'm so sorry I haven't looked at this board for over a month... I promise not to neglect my friends like this any more.

I've been busy, I guess... I'm looking forward to getting back to the States in a week... I'll be back Dec 7th than I will have a mountain of things to do.

First of all, I have decided to separate from my husband. He doesn't know about this yet. I hope to be out of the house within a week of coming back. I'm going back to school in Michigan, my old school, my roots.

I have to do things in a very sneaky way since my husband has a violent nature and I'm not exactly sure how he'll react to this. During the whole time of us being in Poland he has only called 3 times and wrote me 2 emails. What an a...whole... He's a truck driver so when he takes off for California, I plan on moving out.

I want to leave him a separation agreement, does anyone have any generic forms? I've been looking on the Internet but I have decided that I will draft something up myself. I just need some examples now.

Anyway, so much has happened for me. I can't believe the amount of things I have done online as far as school is concerned. I applied, got accepted, registered for classes, and reserved an apartment for school all electronically online. I even had a special consideration approved for financial aid via email. America is an amazing country, this sort of thing would be unimaginable in Poland.

Again, I apologize for not keeping in touch. Hope to hear from you all soon.

[Minnymouth]

EdytaHome,
So glad to hear from you. We have missed you......
Guess that trip gave you enough time and space to make all the decisions you had been struggling with. Glad to hear you have you mind clear now, and are making arrangements for you and your daughters future.
Going back to school is GREAT....... What will you major in??

Your relationship had already sounded like it went bad long before you took this trip..... Ya know, somethings aren't "forever" and some are for just a short. People make bad decisions based on love sometimes...... Also people grow apart - especially over the years. What was important when you were young, changes a lot as you get older.

Sometimes the only answer is to change the circumstances, and get on with your life......

If you feel in your heart and mind that you can no longer live with this man and give 100% to your relationship, then its time to move on. Be fair to yourself!! Don't make the mistake of staying for your daughters sake.... she will adjust - kids are resilent. In fact, you may see a big change in her after you make the change. You may notice laughter, that hasn't been there in a long time. You may have even noticed this on you trip to Poland......just you and her time. She may have seemed more calm and relaxed and happier.

You said you were going to separate and move to Michigan and go to school. Did I understand you to live in Florida now??? Or am I getting old and senile too!!!

Since you say he has a violent nature, yes, the best way to do it is let him get gone, pack your things and move while he's on the road..... Let him "figure it out" when he gets back. Leave him a Dear John, if you have too..... and put it all out on the table..... and "whys and what if's"... and its too late now to change anything...

You can even file for separation before you leave and put a restraining order against him. If not you can wait till you get to Michigan. In fact you may have to do it twice if your moving to another state. That does not mean he doesn't have visitian rights, just make sure their under supervision so he don't take your daughter and run with her. Course he may not want the problem and up keep of a child.....

I will check my legal programs and see if their is a set of separation papers on it that is good nationwide.

If you don't feel comfortable filing for separation, just get away from him, put space between you, and make you decisions later about it.....

You may end up just filing for divorce instead. Once you split - the the violent nature will only get worse.

I know - my folks were together 35 years (till death do us part).....and my mom wished him dead for 34 of it. Finally got her wish...... she managed to live 25 longer after he was gone.

I grew up in a violent household, Saturday nite cops, shot guns and butcher knives, neighbors raising cain over the noise, and watching my own back......till I got big enough to fight back.... My dad was a quiet, gently man sober - liquor him up he was hell on wheels.... Our household was well known in our town and at the courthouse. And I grew up in Dayton, Ohio, a big town.

I finally earned his respect at 17. I took a butcher knife too him... he thought I was going to cut his throat.... Lucky him, I didn't!!! But the cops sure were afraid I was.....

He never bothered after that, in fact stayed clear of me. If him and mom got into I was always "called home" to calm his ass down..... When he saw me he knew it was "over".....

My mom was a "bitter widow" over the kind of marriage she had and for staying as long as she did. She gave him the best years of her life... and then when he died she was alone and bitter.

Maybe thats a good reason why I never married... My brothers did, both are great family men, good, kind, considerate, devoted husbands. Nothing like my dad was.

I always said I'd have to marry in black - cause when I killed the dude I would need a dress to wear to the funeral too....

I will not put up with abuse like a lot of women do just to have a man around the house. Nor will I support one thats able to work! I am a man's equal in a marriage, he does not "own" me...

Make your decisions, stick by them once you make them, and you won't be sorry.... Do whats right for you.

Well, will get off my "soap box" now, have said enough and maybe too much!!

Finish up your trip, get back to the states, and get back on here and help the rest of us and the new ones too.

Hang in there girl, have a good trip the rest of it,

Minny

[robivi3]

Edy, the violence is enough. If he is by nature physically violent then that was the missing factor. You didn't seem like the "love and leave em" type. I am not sure as to seperation and you might be well to call Legal Aid where you live, you likely can at least get an answer or some pro bono help.

Your friends are glad to hear from you. I hope that the visit to Poland has gone well. My Grandad lived most of his life in Tennessee, married an American, (this was his one flaw in that he had left his wife and children in Poland, he refused the Kaisers "invitation" to stay in the Army after two years in an Austro-Hungarian POW Camp), his family disowned him over the Military Service issue. Though he loved America, would only drive Desotos and bought American he never forgot who he was. He never mentioned his German citizenship but always considered himself a Pole and even got magazines from communist Poland during the 60's (DEFINITELY not a COMMIE, he was a Truman Democrat and cried while watching Trumans funeral on TV). We only found out about his citizenship issue when we cleaned out his home in 1969 after a stroke, when he cam e to live with us.

My Dad has always told me how much of the future my Grandfather foretold just by common sense. My Dad remembers lectures about "buy American" or one day they'll be building our stuff overseas back in the 30's! My dad told me that he used to think my Grandfather was nuts for this. I remember him getting upset over a 9 inch Panasonic TV made in Japan that my dad got him back about 1967!

As far as your schooling, that is EXCELLENT news! That is called getting on with life, you will not be defeated witha can do attitude. Education at the least makes you a better person and better able to articulate and that brings about some power that can give youi many advantages in life. God Bless, that is great news!

[EdytaHome]

Minny and Robivi3,

Thanks for the kind words, during this time they really do mean a great deal to me.

Minny, I will be moving back to Michigan from Chicago area. We moved to Chicago in April (right before our discharge) from Michigan to be closer to my husbands "dear" family. I decided to go back to MI because that is were I grew up and have some friends. I'm going to study nursing (my second carrier), I can do my BSN in a year now since I already have my BS in Chemistry. I was a Hospital Corpsman in the Navy and I have always regretted the fact that I didn't become a nurse. Employment opportunities are very important to me now that I'll be a single Mom. Honestly, industry is dying in the US so my employment opportunities as a Chemist are dramatically declining. I'm pretty tired of the big company politics and the back stabbing attitude of industry employment. I don't want to have to worry about being downsized again.

In regards to my visit in Poland, well it was very educational as well as emotionally healthy. I got a chance to be away and look at things from a good perspective, I got a chance to make peace with my parents, and I got a chance to rediscover Poland (my home country). The whole experience was
very good.

As to my soon to be ex, well there are no legal separation agreements in MI. I can only do a joint separation agreement which could be notarized and later included with the divorce order. Secondly, because I left MI and have a gap in residence, I now have to wait 6 months until I can file for divorce there. Divorce will take another 6 months after that, too. I'm looking at a full year until I'm officially free/divorced. I wanted to do a notorized separation agreement so that visitation (which I'm still not sure about) and other factors are spelled out.

I have so much to do... I do promise to post some pics from Poland, as long as someone will help me with the task!!! I have over 500 pictures on 2 digital cards now.

BTW, it has been snowing in Poland for 2 weeks now and I hear that the eastern US has been dumpted on as well.

[EdytaHome]

Christmas is going to be really hard this year...

[Minnymouth]

Remember the Strong Survive.......

Its hard to think about a divorce during Christmas holidays... its supposed to be a time of happiness and being gratefull for our faith, our family, our friends.

Divorce is one of the hardest things people go thru in their lives - its like a death.... Someone you loved so much at one time, suddenly all the feelings for them turn to almost a type of hate.....

I firmly believe that marriage is a commit you make and you do your best to try and honor that commit... BUT I also believe some things weren't meant to be - and some things only last a short time.....

You do what you HAVE TO DO in your heart, mind, and soul..... Bring peace back to your life...... If it takes a divorce to do that.... then so be it....

This may be a hard Christmas for you mentally and emotionally, but with a little one around, I'm sure she will bring you much joy on Christmas Day..

Make your decisions, stick by them, and you will come thru this okay, too....

Will be thinking of you,

Minny

GO FOR THE NURSING DEGREE.............GREAT CHALLENGE!!!