Need to Vent?

[Minnymouth]

Robivi3,

I see the weather report says "IT'S RAINING ON YOUR PARADE TODAY - "HURRICANE STYLE".

Hope you weather well thru it my friend!!!

Minny

[JeffinSC]

Thanks robivi3, herekitty and Minnymouth. I really appreciate the advice that you all have given me. I appreciate the encouragement too. My ex really did play dirty in court. People always tell me the "what goes around comes around quote". I keep waiting.
It seems like I will never get through this thing. My dad passed away three weeks ago. He was taking care of and had power of attorney for my 92 year old grandma. Once he passed my aunt, his sister, wasn't worried about taking care of her mother.She was worried about where my grandma's possessions are and wants to see a full record of the "books". We, my sisters and I, are trying to do everything possible to get grandma covered by Medicaid since the Nursing home is owed $28,000.00. My dad had been supllementing my grandma for the past several years to the tune of $200,000.00 to $300,000.00 dollars. My Aunt hardly comes to see her. She lives about 3 and 1/2 hours away.
The problem I am dealing with now is that my mortgage belongs to my grandma and I am behind 6 or 7 payments. My dad was okay with that because he knew of my struggle in taking care of my three kids and myself. I had offered to refinance and start over on my loan if I could somehow qualify. Anyway, I am worried that now because I am behind and because my Aunt is looking for money that isn't there that I am going to get in trouble. My life has been one constant worry. I am about at my wits end.
The ironic thing is...my grandma should have never been in this position of having to qualify for Medicaid. My grandma had a restaurant in Ohio that was very successful and had been doing business for over 30 years. I am sure it had to worth a million or so. They owned the strip mall that it was in too. Anyway, it was lost because my cousin, the same Aunt's son, lived high on the hog and sucked it up his nose in the form of cocaine. Now his mom, my Aunt, has the nerve to think that there should be things and money that she should be inheriting from Grandma after my dad, my sisters and I have been taking care of grandma with NO help from her for many years. I don't know what to do. It's a shame that we can't grieve over the loss of my dad due to my Aunt being such a greedy person.

[JeffinSC]

robivi3...I hope you are doing okay through the storm.

[Minnymouth]

Jeff in SC,
You didn't say who was in charge of your dad's estate or your grandma's affairs.....??
If your dad was her guardian.....and your dad has passed away...someone else has to be appointed guardian of her affairs...
Are you in charge of your dad's estate?
As a son of your father, you children are entitled to your dad's portion of your grandma's estate if there is one....
If your aunt is in charge of grandma's affairs, then she can and might evict you to be able to sell the house.....
If that's the case, don't pay her another dime....save your money! You'll need it.....
If she's NOT in charge, you can apply to be in charge of your grandma's affairs to represent her. You can be appointed by the court. Or your grandma can "appoint" you to represent her as long as she is still in her right mind... It's called a "Power of Attorney". If your dad handled her affairs then probably he may have had POA, which may designate a alternative if he is not living....(you need to check into this)..
Being a POA does not mean that you are responsible for her debts, it just means that you can handle her affairs under guidelines of the law to pay her debts and maintain records of what you do.

If I can help in any way, let me know..

Minny

[Minnymouth]

Just a note,
If your grandma appointed someone else to be in charge of her affairs (possibly your dad).....you aunt has "no say in the matter" - your grandma is still living!!!
Unless your dad's sister is in charge of your grandma's affairs -
There's NO REASON that anyone has to make an "accounting" to her for anything. Now after your grandma passes on - that's a whole new ballgame!!! It becomes your grandma's estate in question.
If you are executor to your dad's estate and your grandma's affairs are part of that estate, then that puts you temporarily in charge of your grandmas affairs also....now. You may have to apply to the court to stay in that postion if it exists....
Check into these.....
Minny

[JeffinSC]

Thanks again Minny. My dad had power of attorney. Once he passed my sister gained power of attorney. There are three houses that my grandma owned. I am buying one. My dad was buying one from her until he refinanced his to pay off grandma for nursing home expenses. Then my sister is renting one from her. It is the same sister who has power of attorney now. Unfortunately she is having to get hers sold to help get my grandma qualified for Medicaid. My mortgage is being sold to an outside investor to also help liquidate her assets, pay off the nursing home and get her qualified for Medicaid once this money is gone.
My Aunt is trying to claim fraud on my dad. I really don't think he had done anything fraudulent. He took great care of his mom. He probably supplemented her enough to pay for all three of the houses. His bookkeeping, to be frank, wasn't the best. He had battled cancer and a lung disorder through all of this as well (about the last five years). Before he died he wasn't capable of doing things that he had done so well in the past.
It's just incredulous to me that my Aunt, my dad's sister, has not even asked to take care of her mom. She's just worried about losing things that aren't there to be inherited anyway. She was notorious for taking things out of my grandma's room at the assisted living facilty.

Thanks So Much,
Jeff

[babycakes]

Jeff, I'm sorry you are going thru all this. My mom and uncle were the same way when my grandma died. I shouldn't have been surprised how greedy they were, knowing them like I do, but I was. They even bickered about the pillows on the couchs and the pictures on the walls. I have never been so disgusted and disheartened in all my life. She even left over $90,000 to them cash not counting other assests , property, and jewelery, and they have yet to put a stone over her grave. She died in '91. If I could afford to I would have done it years ago. I know all this doesn't help your situation any except to say that I know how it feels. And on a side note, I'm from SC too

[JeffinSC]

Thanks Babycakes,
When my dad died I didn't expect anything. My stepmom called me to the house and gave me some of his shirts that fit me and a lot of his rings. I didn't ask for a thing but that was nice. I just don't understand greed like that. When my grandfather died my Aunt "just knew" that he had an insurance policy with her as a beneficiary. So the day of his funeral instaed of grieving she was going through all the drawers and his suits to find that policy. There wasn't one. Glad to meet a fellow South Carolinian babycakes.

[Minnymouth]

jEFFNSC,

Been there, done that!! FOR SURE!!!

My mom lived with me for the last 18 years of her life - last 4 bedridden.... (everybody else was out-of-state).

When mom's estate (in the hole) was settled I accounted for all funds - but one nickel..........

Had years of itemized receipts for everything (I'm also a bookkeeper).....I showed where every dime went.....

Yet, my brothers throwed a fit - wanting to know where THEIR SHARE WAS!!!! To this day, one of them doesn't speak to me and the other still thinks I did them wrong. My mother had "no assets" when she died other than a few old peices of furniture and some homemade quilts.....

Me, I had to claim bankruptcy to get out from underneath the debt I created for myself - (cc debt, 2nd mortgage, etc) trying to survive, keep my mother in my home, and make ends meet.

If you have the "support" of your sisters - be so thankfull!!!
Dont worry about an Aunt that NOW WANTS TO BE INVOLVED....

Sounds like she was about as interested in her mom and my brothers were in theirs!!!! OUT OF SIGHT - OUT OF MIND!!!

Understand where your coming from,

Minny

[JeffinSC]

Thanks Minny,
It sounds like you have been through it too. It's going to be interesting when she and my cousins get here tomorrow to look at "the books". My dad's wife can't stand her anyway. I have a hard time trying to figure why people are so greedy. All I want to do is just make it in this world but yet I struggle to so just that. I don't want the big house, fancy car or other peoples possessions. I'll let you know how this weekend turns out. Wanna come referree??? LOL. Big hugs to everyone for all their help.

Jeff

[Minnymouth]

When my oldest brother told me "he'd see me in court" - I told him "waste your money on a lawyer - it's not going to change all the receipts".....

Been 4 years, and still haven't been called to court...

Minny

[JeffinSC]

I'm wondering if they are just making threats too. I don't thinks so though. I think they are too stupid to do the math and figure how much it costs to have someone in a nursing home. This is more than ridiculous. My sister suggested we add up everything that my dad has paid, divide it in half, and send my Aunt a bill saying that "this is what you owe".The woman will go off...she's as mean as a snake.

[Minnymouth]

I told my uncle (executor of mom's estate) that I could go to court and let the boys pay thier share of the following:

1. funeral expense
2. 2nd mortgage on my home - to pay sitters while I work
3. debts on cc - she did not have SS benefits (did not qualify) so most medical items were bought by family
4. My vacation pay and sick pay I used to pay sitters with.

And much more that I could list......

ESPECIALLY - my "sitting services" - 7 days a week,14 hours a day, for 4 years....... (sitters only worked 9 hrs a day 5 day a week) THE REST OF THE TIME I HAD HER!!

My uncle just "shook his head"....

WONDER IF THEY WOULD LIKE TO REIMBURSE ME FOR MY EXPENSES................?????

Don't worry too much about your aunt. Tell her when all expenses are tallyed - your sister will send her a bill for - "her share" of the cost of taking care of her mother.

You won't hear another word out of her, probably....

Keep me posted, let me know about the weekend meeting,

Minny

[Minnymouth]

I'll help ya in anyway I can.......

Suggestions, morale support, etc.

Minny

[JeffinSC]

Thanks Minny,
I have read several of your posts on here today. You are a wealth of information. I appreciate the suggestions and moral support too.

Jeff

P.S.

I Love this suggestion that you gave us!!!

"Don't worry too much about your aunt. Tell her when all expenses are tallyed - your sister will send her a bill for - "her share" of the cost of taking care of her mother."