How do I retract my claws?

[southernbelle]

I met a guy this weekend and he seems nice enough, but I just keep having flashbacks of how horrible my ex was to me. He seems interested (which is shocking because I wasn't very nice), but how do I move past the evil my ex did to be able to enjoy a future with someone else?

[JRScott]

Soon as you figure it out let me know.

I had several bad relationships. I know a gal I"d like to ask out and I keep hitting that same bump.

[southernbelle]

Its sad and unfortunate that we are in the same boat. Hopefully we can move past this.

[Minnymouth]

Take it from an "ole timer"....... learn to forgive others in your heart (put your old resentfull feelings in your back pocket) and open your mind to a new future.
Nothing is FOREVER, and some things only last a short time in our lives.

Don't dwell on your past, take all that energy and work on "what you want your future to be"!!!

Lots of people FEEL the same way you do.......

You can dwell on the past...OR... you can "take a chance" on a new future!!

Give that "new person" a CHANCE...... they just might be your SOUL MATE!!!

[Frogge]

OK, I was an a** for a long time to my husband because I hated my ex.. and he put up with it, because he knew I was a burned woman. LOL ...AND I'm so frickin cool.

You are too, Belle, and the person you are now may be guarded, but you are a WISER person. When you meet a guy that you are comfortable with and he starts to care for you, something will come up eventually that will 1) let him know you are healing from a bad relationship, and/or 2) let him know not to f*** with you.

Just feeling a little sassy today.. ahem.

[southernbelle]

OK, I was an a** for a long time to my husband because I hated my ex.. and he put up with it, because he knew I was a burned woman. LOL ...AND I'm so frickin cool.

You are too, Belle, and the person you are now may be guarded, but you are a WISER person. When you meet a guy that you are comfortable with and he starts to care for you, something will come up eventually that will 1) let him know you are healing from a bad relationship, and/or 2) let him know not to f*** with you.

Just feeling a little sassy today.. ahem.

That's good advice because I feel the same way right now. I'm surprised he gave me his number because I wasn't nice at all and gave off an obvious "don't mess with me" vibe, but maybe he could see past my hard exterior to see the real me.

I don't have any illusions and didn't have any with my ex, I just messed up and blindly trusted him when I should have had my guard up. I PROMISE that won't EVER happen again!!!!! (It still might take a while for me to get up the nerve to call him.....I feel like a teenager). LOL

[Frogge]

Well, it sounds like this guy might be worth a call back!

[justplaintired]

I can totally relate to this thread. I went threw a horrible divorce and nearly lost my mind. I was leary of any relationship but I didn't want to be alone either. So when I met my present DH I was scared. Scared he'd be the jerk my ex is.

Well he isn't and he wasn't. So see if you don't give it a try you'll never know what you might miss. I would have missed a life with a man who is my best friend (most of the time), I would have missed the 2 boys we have and the great step dad he became. The great family life we share, the good days and the bad days. It's really been a great story my DH and I share. Even threw BK it's ok, I have him to lean on. I know it's hard to believe but the right one's out there, give it a shot! You know I thought I'd never love a man like I did my first DH, guess what, I am not sure I knew what love was until I met my present DH.

Good luck Belle and JR! Jump on into the dating game again, you'll be surprised how much fun you'll have and how great love can be the second time around!

[scubaman]

As the old story goes sometimes you kiss alot of frogs before you meet your prince!
Good luck to you and don't be to hard on yourself. Keep your boundaries in place and trust you will make the right choises, and don't compare even though they say karma usually has to work itself out with other situations/relationships. I have also heard that its takes half the time you were with the other person to move on and allow youself not to transfer old s*** on the new relationship, carrying around all the old feelings is not going to do you any good. I hope you let it go and see if this guy is someone you could at least check out, why not you don't have to marry him.
Well I hope this helps and good luck. Relationships are probably the hardest part of our lives. (except for this BK crap)

[twuoo]

Give yourself time. Don't look for someone to "make you happy". It just doesn't work like that. You gotta be happy yourself. It'll give you more patience to put up with someone else's quirks.

I'm just starting to test the waters again myself. It's been over a year now since I've been out on a date.

I'm going out on a "coffee" date this coming Wed...wish me luck...lol

[southernbelle]

Whoo Hoo Twuoo!!! (hehe) Good luck on your coffee date. That sounds like a safe idea. A public place with lots of witnesses. LOL

[Scott50]

I've always felt that a relationship should be something positive in ones life and wouldn't stand for someone that treated me bad.. Not sure why people stay in bad relationships..

[twuoo]

I think we find people and it doesn't start off bad. Inevitably, people change. And then we become complacent or have codependent relationships. Seems either to weather the known than to jump off the ship into who knows what lies beneath.

Nobody goes out of their way to find a crappy relationship, unless you're masochistic.. lol

I think as with any harrowing life experience, for me it was divorce AND bk, you have to just let the dust settle and find out who you are. What makes you happy, what makes you tick? When you can be happy with yourself and your situation, then you don't hold anybody responsible for your happiness.

I've heard this from other people agree with me that when someone says "you're my world" or "you're everything to me"...that is the WORST thing ever!

That puts the burden of the person's happiness in my hands??? No, that is not fair! I don't want somebody to expect that of me, nor do I wish to hinder my very existence on somebody else "making me happy."

I'm sure lots of you nice folks wouldn't agree with me, but that's just my two cents.

Bottom line, make your own happiness. Don't let someone have that power over you. I think in the long run, you'll be less disappointed when the other person slips up and pisses you off

[Minnymouth]

Happiness begins within our "own being" and "mind". Spouses, family and friends only add to it.

When we lock ourselves off from the world, emotionally and mentally, we are only hurting ourselves usually.

Lifes experiences can be brutal at times, often life is "no picnic".... What we might consider "the love of our life" often turns into "my pain in the A**"...

Love is often "deaf, dumb, blind, and stupid" when we start out.... Often physical attraction over-rides everything else, until you start living with someone on a day to day basis. Then its a whole new ballgame!!!

Often in a relationship there are the "controllers", and the "submissive ones"...
Sometimes the controllers are abusive, reckless, and very demanding.

People stay in bad relationships for many reasons, some of which are:
Money
Kids
Fear of being alone
Commitment
Fear of spouse
Fear of the future
To be financialy supported

When you stay in a bad relationship, not only are you unhappy, but everybody involved in that relationship is unhappy also.

Life has no guarantees, today we might be here, tonite or tomorrow we or a spouse might be dead.

So "live in the moment" and "today"...... make it the best you can regarding your happiness. Make the necessary changes to bring happiness back into your life and into your heart.

Your only gonna "go around" ONE TIME....... make it worthwhile!!

NO ONE should waste their life in a bad relationship............. you gain nothing!

[AngelinaCatHub]

Errrr, 'Southernbelle', I'd like you to meet 'JRSCOTT'. 'JRSCOTT' I'd like you to meet 'Southernbelle'. You two have a lot in common and both seem to live in the same vacinity. Hope it works out for both of you. LOL.

Seriously, My first wife who I dearly love but could not live with, and my now wonderful Mrs. are so much different than each other. I did not have an evil divorce although it was my choice and hurt my ex, I felt very bad in all, but I had to get away from her. This marraige is so much different but I also have changed in the years. My first marraige was 23 years. and two now grown daughters and two grandsons. My current and last marraige 20 years last June. We are very much in love. 'Hub