Domestic Abuse / Violence Intervention

[AngelinaCat]

Hi All:

You are really going to *love* me for posing this question. And I searched and didn’t really find any answers.

Have any of you had a loved one who got involved into a domestic violence / abuse situation and tried to intervene? If so, what do you do, how did you do it, and did it work?

OR were YOU the victim of domestic violence / abuse situation, and someone intervened on YOUR behalf? How did you handle it? Did you go back to the abuser? Any suggestions / insights you may suggest would be most appreciated.

I can provide more specific details, but I would rather not at this time.

Thank you so very much.

AngelinaCat and AngelinaCatHub

[BK2008]

I have been involved in that situation before...

Without all of the gory details, the end result was I went to my neighbors to call 911, he took off, and days later, he was on my front porch when I got home from work. I did not press charges because of retaliation concerns.

But what I did is...packed up all of his s**t while he was gone, put it in the trunk of my car, and when he showed up, drove him to a greyhound station, bought him a one way ticket to his family in a different state, and *presto whammo!* he was gone. I then moved, so he doesn't know where I am at.

I heard through the grapevine he was in jail, but at least it was because of his own stupidity and not because of something I brought on.

The police got a little pissy because I wouldn't file, but I think my method got the job done without having to deal with the retaliation factor.

[AngelinaCat]

Thanks BK2008, our intervention is in progress even as I type. The problem here is our loved one is in another city, so we are having to create an 'escape situation' for her--which I just got from coded messages--that our loved one has understood from OUR coded messages and is coming--does this make sense at all?

Please pray for a successful outcome.

Love to you~~~~

[BK2008]

Good luck, and let me know if you need any 'ideas' for escape or help.

It just depends on their exact situation at that exact moment and how bad that situation is. Call the cops if need be. Or the domestic abuse hotline.

Huggs...

[AngelinaCat]

The situation is this: our loved-one—hereafter, LO, became involved with a person that is extremely violent. At first the relationship was very nice, but it degraded from there.

The couple was staying here on our property as guests for a while, and when we observed LO’s beat up face, we called the sheriff. Three squad cars came, but LO would not press charges. ‘Hub and I knew what had happened, but we did not witness it, so could do nothing.

The deputies put the offending party off the property and it went back home to its legal residence in Mid Florida (I can’t even dignify the creature as a human being).

Things were fine for about a month or so, then LO made stupid mistake by contacting her ‘Creature’. ‘Creature’ lured our LO in gradually, and conned her into moving to Creature’s location and job in Mid Florida, where she is totally away from us and her friends, and we learn she is totally isolated and being beat up constantly.

Our LO escaped for a time to a mutual friend that also has DA/V issues, who contacted us. The three of us have put together a plan that seems to be playing out tonight and into tomorrow…

I’ll keep you posted. Thanks for your help and encouragement……

[CindyLou]

You are in my prayers. Domestic violence is one of the most dangerous situations that one can be in. You and 'hub are great people by helping her. I would advise you to contact your local domestic violence shelter and ask for help. It is important that your LO stay at a shelter and not with family or friends...at least for a while.

[AngelinaCat]

We have a place arranged to hide our LO, if she can make it away from her current place.

LO's friend lives about an hour or two past LO's current living arrangement. Since LO's Friend lives about an hour away, and we had all this arranged, 'Hub went to pick Friend up. The two of them went and scoped out LO's current appartment, and reported back to me by cell phone beeper, that LO's vehicle is packed to the hilt. So I think our LO has gotten all the veiled clues and such.

'Hub and Friend paid someone to knock on their door and ask for payment for something or other, asking for LO by name. The Creature would not let her go to the door. This exchange was overheard by 'Hub and Friend.

What we want right now is for LO to drive up here, as has been previously arranged--then we will handle it from here.

I know this could have been handled better in other ways, but when the principle person does not want to file charges in the first place, what do you do?

We are praying right now that our LO survives the night, and can actually drive herself home--a distance of about 3 hours.

Prayers gratefuly accepted. Love to all~~~

BTW, we fully expect Creature to follow our LO home. We will deal with that as it comes.

Love to all~~~

[FreshLikeADaisy]

Ms. Cat, I think it will work out okay: she has places to go and people to help her get there, and most importantly, is willing to leave. That's the magic ingredient.

But I would second CindyLou's statement that a shelter, and not your home or the homes of friends, is the VERY best place for your LO when she leaves. First, the time immediately before and after a victim of domestic violence leaves is the time **most** dangerous for them. If the abuser is willing to kill, this is the most likely time for them to do so. Shelters are great because no one literally knows where they are, and they have excellent security if anyone does find out.

Secondly, shelters have wonderful resources there for your LO: counselors, legal help, people to help you put your life back together and teach you how to live again safely, people to hang out with who have been through the exact same hell you just left yourself. Thirdly, having your LO start her new life away from your home (or the homes of friends) makes it safer for her to come there after the shelter. Right now, those are the first places he will look for her when she goes. If she's there when he looks, count on seeing him again... and again and again and again. Maybe at night, maybe with weapons, maybe with flowers and apologies, who knows? But if she's there, your house will become his home away from home.

There is an excellent shelter in Jax -- Hubbard House -- that you might want to look into. But in the meantime, if you decide not or they don't have a bed, AT LEAST hide her car!!! Preferably in a closed garage (no windows), parking garage, or a friend's back forty if at all possible. But do NOT leave it in your driveway. This way it's somewhat plausible for you to say she's not there.

Reporting his latest abuse would probably be wise, but it is not necessary. You want it for backup should anything ever happen to her and you think it's this guy, but go with your gut on that. When you report, the cops may or may not arrest, may or may not charge (depending on state law, which varies greatly) but regardless, you're throwing this perp into the legal system. It's great if he has to stay in jail, but often they don't, and then what? Sometimes a restraining order works; other times it fires up the abuser to even greater abuses. You don't *have* to get a restraining order, but that is what will be offered if/when you report and he is not charged or jailed.

If you google "florida domestic violence" you should get all kinds of good info on resources, and info on what to expect from the abuser and how to deal with it. In the meantime, I wish you and your LO the very, very best.

[AngelinaCatHub]