holiday debt

[thewife]

Christmas use to be enjoyable for me, I would be SO broke , but I really enjoyed picking out gifts for everyone. I am a HUGE candle lover, and two years in a row I bought my sister in law really awesome Yankee candles for Christmas. The next year BEFORE Christmas she asked if we could exchange lists, and she said "by the way, NO MORE CANDLES" I have been a scrooge ever since. Is it not the thought that counts? I hate buying for her & her family, and especailly since her kids are all in their 20's and one is married and we are still expected to buy them all gifts. I stress out trying to think what would please them, if the gifts are ever enough. She has even regifted some of our gifts back to us, forgetting that we bought them the gifts.

I want to buy my kids nice gifts and start saving now, I want to get my small neices and nephews gifts and our parents, but the rest of the adults I do not want to exchange with. I have mentioned drawing names, but nobody ever wants to so every year I am so far in debt, but this year there is NO credit cards to fall back on, just cash & cash it tight. I really want an enjoyable Christmas this year, which means I need to start now if that is going to happen. I just wish my SIL & BIL's family would stay in Michigan this year

[chpxiii]

thewife, you need to put your foot down. Set your own personal budget and buy what you can within that budget. If your family gets offended or is miffed, oh well. THEY'RE not paying your bills or having to worry about your family.

[arizonalover]

i agree with the post before mine here

Christmas use to be enjoyable for me, I would be SO broke , but I really enjoyed picking out gifts for everyone. I am a HUGE candle lover, and two years in a row I bought my sister in law really awesome Yankee candles for Christmas. The next year BEFORE Christmas she asked if we could exchange lists, and she said "by the way, NO MORE CANDLES" I have been a scrooge ever since. Is it not the thought that counts? I hate buying for her & her family, and especailly since her kids are all in their 20's and one is married and we are still expected to buy them all gifts. I stress out trying to think what would please them, if the gifts are ever enough. She has even regifted some of our gifts back to us, forgetting that we bought them the gifts.

I want to buy my kids nice gifts and start saving now, I want to get my small neices and nephews gifts and our parents, but the rest of the adults I do not want to exchange with. I have mentioned drawing names, but nobody ever wants to so every year I am so far in debt, but this year there is NO credit cards to fall back on, just cash & cash it tight. I really want an enjoyable Christmas this year, which means I need to start now if that is going to happen. I just wish my SIL & BIL's family would stay in Michigan this year

I so agree with the next person after your original post - why do you feel like you need to live up to what someone else says or does? Dont buy anything and stay home if its going to cause you stress then eliminate the stress - I did for years and to this day I really prefer staying home alone on Xmas - too much for one day - we should celebrate life and each other 365 days out of the year and not just the one forced one. And I LOVE candles - I am easy to buy for - my kids and friends all know that candles or apple stuff will be just great - and I could care less how much anything costs. it IS the thought that counts - dont let anyone bully you hun ! Stick to your budget and when you run out of money then OH WELL like the other person said or just dont start spending at all

[arizonalover]

take care of YOU first and to heck with your SIL

Christmas use to be enjoyable for me, I would be SO broke , but I really enjoyed picking out gifts for everyone. I am a HUGE candle lover, and two years in a row I bought my sister in law really awesome Yankee candles for Christmas. The next year BEFORE Christmas she asked if we could exchange lists, and she said "by the way, NO MORE CANDLES" I have been a scrooge ever since. Is it not the thought that counts? I hate buying for her & her family, and especailly since her kids are all in their 20's and one is married and we are still expected to buy them all gifts. I stress out trying to think what would please them, if the gifts are ever enough. She has even regifted some of our gifts back to us, forgetting that we bought them the gifts.

I want to buy my kids nice gifts and start saving now, I want to get my small neices and nephews gifts and our parents, but the rest of the adults I do not want to exchange with. I have mentioned drawing names, but nobody ever wants to so every year I am so far in debt, but this year there is NO credit cards to fall back on, just cash & cash it tight. I really want an enjoyable Christmas this year, which means I need to start now if that is going to happen. I just wish my SIL & BIL's family would stay in Michigan this year

I so agree with the next person after your original post - why do you feel like you need to live up to what someone else says or does? Why buy anything for grown neices and nephews and your SIL sounds like a self centered selfish BI*** Dont buy anything for anyone other than your kids your own significant other or spouse, and stay home if its going to cause you stress then eliminate the stress (in this case, eliminate seeing your SIL and BIL) - I did for years and to this day I really prefer staying home alone on Xmas - too much for one day - we should celebrate life and each other 365 days out of the year and not just the one forced one. And I LOVE candles - I am easy to buy for - my kids and friends all know that candles or apple stuff will be just great - and I could care less how much anything costs. it IS the thought that counts - dont let anyone bully you hun ! Stick to your budget and when you run out of money then OH WELL like the other person said or just dont start spending at all

[WantToBeDebtFre]

I've been facing the same dilemma. In the past I've charged all the Christmas presents and worried about the costs later (I was so smart). This year I'm actually going to pay cash so it's going to be quite different. I have 3 children - I was thinking about spending $150-$200 a piece on them. Which means I'll need to start shopping now because I won't be able to afford that much at the last minute. I also buy for my mom and dad, husband, aunt (she has no children), Grandma, mother-in-law, father-in-law, brother-in-law (10 yrs), brother (he's single and buys gifts for my whole family), and I think that's it. I usually spend about $20 for each of these other gifts.

Christmas time can be so fun but it's also hard. I want my kids to be excited and get lots of presents but I know that's not the true meaning either.

[JollyGG]

I actually haven't charged christmas in alot of years. I was never really in the habit of doing it.
I did okay when It was just my family. I set a budget (usually $20 per person) and stuck with it. There were only five people in my family and I could usually find $80, expecially if I started early.
Well as we have gotten older our family has gotten bigger. I'm married now so I have his family as well and now instead of spending $20 on four people I'm spending $20 per person on 12 people, not including my own husband and kids.

1. I start early. I make my list, make a budget, and try to come up with a few gift ideas early. I try to have half my shopping done by thanksgiving.
2. I look for deals. I love to get someone a $40-60 gift that I got on sale within my $20 budget.
3. I am one of those insane people out the morning after thanksgiving. However I peruse the ads ahead of time. I go with a list and a budget.
4. The husband and kids get a few practical gifts. I learned from my mother. If it is between October and Christmas and I know my kids need something, but not right now. I get it and wrap it for Christmas. Every year my son has gotten snow boots, sleepers, and a few new outfits for Christmas. That way he has plenty to open, but I really only bought stuff he needed anyway. He only gets one toy and that usually comes from Santa. The aunts, uncle, grandparents get the kids so many toys that they don't even notice that they didn't get one from mom and dad. This is only my daugters second christmas but I'll do the same with my daugter.
5. I let people know what I want/need and what the kids need. That way their shopping is easier, and we actually get what we need. If my son needs new shoes, or my daughter needs new jeans, or our sink needs a new faucet I let people know and save a little bit in other places of my budget. Then I can use that money for more christmas shopping.
6. My son makes a craft project for everyone on the list. I want to teach my kids the value of giving, not just recieving early. I think those are everyone's favorite gifts to open.

When I got engaged to my husband he hadn't been buying present for his family because he didn't have much money. I convinced him that he needed to get each person something even if he only spent $5 a person. So that is the budget we set and we had the most fun shopping that year and spent $20 on his whole family. We got his parents a framed engagement picture, his sister (age 9 at the time) a cute little necklace, and I don't remember what for his brother. We used cupons and creativity and had so much fun with the challenge of finding a thoughtful gift for under $5.

[chpxiii]

I convinced him that he needed to get each person something even if he only spent $5 a person.

I'm curious, JollyGG, why do you feel that it is a "need" to get someone a gift? IMO, feeling a "need" to get people gifts is what put pressure and undue stress on people to begin with.

I'm trying to convince my boyfriend that he DOES NOT "need" to get his family anything. I'm afraid I'm losing that battle. I've since learned that *he* is the one putting this pressure on himself so HE can deal with the stress. :P I'm not going to stress myself out over this.

People get what I give them, if I give them anything at all. And I'm generally a pretty giving person through out the year. Conversely, I'm grateful for anything anyone does give me. I don't require someone to give me gifts just to be in their lives.

I realize this is not where you're coming from, but I'm genuinely curious why you feel you "need" to give anyone anything. Like I said, I have found that it's attitudes like this that stress people out. I dunno. I realize this is just my view and that others don't share it. But I sincerely believe so much more stress would be relieved this time of year if people didn't feel the need to give anything to anyone but do so because they want to.

[JollyGG]

I'm curious, JollyGG, why do you feel that it is a "need" to get someone a gift? IMO, feeling a "need" to get people gifts is what put pressure and undue stress on people to begin with.

Because to me christmas is about giving. I love spending the time to pick out the perfect gift for a person no matter what my budget is. I also volunteer more around the holidays and spend more time with my family.

Plus that year his sister was only 9 years old. I belive a 9 year old has the right to be disapointed if her own brother doesn't get her a gift for christmas.

My whole family loves the hunt for the perfect gift. We sometimes have trouble getting people to get started opening gifts because everyone want to watch everyone else open presents instead of opening their own. We love to watch and see if the person liked their gift. We tease mercelessly in the weeks aproching christmas giving ridiculus hints on presents. We hide presents in plain site, we switch gifts to confuse the present shakers, we give gag gifts.

Now christmas would still be complete if all that happens was church and some time as a family, but the gifts are so much fun and if I can possible give something meaningfull, I'm going to do everything I can. Even if that gift is a handwritten note, or a colored picture from my kids.

Now don't confuse the idea of wanting to give gifts with the idea that I am somehow entitled to gifts. My husbands brother hasn't given christmas gifts in years and that is fine. He has different priorities and values that I do. And has proven over and over and over and over again that giving and christmas is a concenpt that kinda escapes him. (I have horor stories of christmas gone wrong when he tried to give gifts when he obviously really didn't want to). But I do think he misses out on a lot of fun.

[chpxiii]

I understand now, JollyGG, where you're coming from. For me, part of gift giving is wrapping the presents in anticipation of the receiver's response. I love that. hehe...