This whole marriage thing...

[tinroofrusted]

Is not what I was hoping for.

It's as if overnight he's completely changed into this snarling, snappy monster, and quite frankly, I am sick of it already.

I hate my job right now, and I am starting to hate him.....

Any suggestions before I completely lose it?

[CATCHMEIFYOUCAN]

Quit While Your Ahead

Not knowing anything about you:

Things ain't gonna change, that's my opinion.

I ended up being in a relationship for 5 years. I "saw things" in the beginining of the relationship but figured, things will change over time. Nope! They only got worst. I should of "quit while I was ahead." But, everyone is different and have different needs. If your needs aren't being met - how long are you willing to put up with it? You deserve better.

Now I'm in a different and wonderful relationship of 9 years. I've been working 2 full time jobs all the while and we are still together. We are not a "needy," lovey-dovey type couple, dependent on ones company (obviously). People ask me "you two hardly spend time with each other," how do you do it?! I don't know. It depends on your needs - wants .. all that stuff.

Ever heard of this:

The first time you get married its's usually for Love, the second time is for money, and the third for companionship.

Why don't you sit down with your partner and DISCUSS things. Try not to argue, think logically not emotionally.

Good Luck, Catchmeifyoucan

[tinroofrusted]

Not knowing anything about you:



Ever heard of this:

The first time you get married its's usually for Love, the second time is for money, and the third for companionship.

Why don't you sit down with your partner and DISCUSS things. Try not to argue, think logically not emotionally.

Good Luck, Catchmeifyoucan

I've tried to get him to sit down since we came back from Florida... it's a no go. He always has something bigger, better, or more important to do.

He's also sleeping on the couch already, and I can't for the life of me figure out what I am doing wrong.

[miss puff]

He's also sleeping on the couch already, and I can't for the life of me figure out what I am doing wrong.

aawww, hun, virtual hug your way. Hopefully whatever is on his mind he will tell you and you two can work it out. Good luck

[brokemommy]

You know who could say something positive, motivational and talk in a
upbeat way---------------Minny!!

Minny needs to say something here, I have had pm's from her, she has great people skills I would like to hear a response from her.

I do feel bad about the trouble so early on. Do you really think it is you, or are you the outlet for his something bothering him? How could he be that upset with you after you just got back from a honeymoon.

Best wishes, I anxiously await a minny response on this.

Take care
BM

[Minnymouth]

Well Tin, I see the honeymoon is now over!!!

And yes, some people do change the day they get married....... Some turn into monsters, some turn into "I own you" people, and some turn into a peson full of "questions all the time"........ the "real person inside of each of us" starts showing after the wedding.......

Often after people get married the man says "your no longer working", "where have you been", "what have you been doing all day"?, "I have a piece of paper that says I OWN YOU", ETC...... Some men turn into "control freaks"! Some turn violent and abusive.....

The woman starts with "pick you clothes up", "where have you been", NO, your not going out with the boys - your married now", "I'm not going around your mother - I don't like her", etc...... Some women turn into real nags!!

All the little quirks and nasty habits that irritate you now, you never noticed (or ignored) before you married. Before you married your relationship was built on attraction, passion, and willingness to "please" the other person......
Now its built on "living with each other every day"...... BIG DIFFERENCE.....

Try sitting down and talking to your new spouse (control you redheaded temper) and tell him how you are really feeling right now...... don't let it go!! Also take the time to "listen" to him.

If he is not willing to "talk" - THEN you are going to have some SERIOUS PROBLEMSin the future.....

You should still be in honeymoon status...... if it is changing already, it will probably get worse in the future....

If your present relationship gets worse in the next 3 months, it is not going to IMPROVE over the years......

Best to make changes sooner, than later.....

Every new couple have their "little problems" they have to work out.... if their not they turn into "big problems" later.... and keep growing.

When you all talk, ask him to make a list of what he "expects out of you" as a wife, and you do the same regarding him as a "husband"...... Compare your list and see where changes or things need to be "discussed".....

Remember LOVE only goes so far....... and often between Love and Hate is a "thin line".......

Good luck, I hope things can be worked out for you and yours......

If you need to vent - we are here to help............ if you need to cry - we'll cry with you......

The only thing worse than a "bad divorce" is a "bad marriage".......

Listen to your heart, BUT ALSO LISTEN TO YOUR MIND................

Minny

[brokemommy]

I'll be darn there she is right after I wrote that, and as I predicted a great answer. I enjoyed reading it myself for my own situation. Good response Minny well done.


Like this part;

"All the little quirks and nasty habits that irritate you now, you never noticed (or ignored) before you married. Before you married your relationship was built on attraction, passion, and willingness to "please" the other person......
Now its built on "living with each other every day"...... BIG DIFFERENCE....."

[JusticeForAll]

Oh yeah, can SO relate to this one!

My first husband did the EXACT same thing. Literally, the next day after we were married, HE turned me into his MOTHER!

When we were leaving our honeymoon resort and boarding the plane, I knew right then and there I had made a HUGE mistake.

One year later, we were living under the same roof, but had completely separate lives.

Two years into the marriage, we got divorced! What a relief that was.

I call that my "starter" marriage. (some people buy starter homes, i had a starter marriage )

2nd hubby is awesome.........13 years and feel like a newlywed!

I hope and pray that this will work out for you Tinroofrusted! GAWD, I wouldn't wish a bad marriage on my worst enemy. But I DON'T think you're there yet!!!!

Minny's advice is sound!!!

Wish you the best Tinroofrusted, really I do

[JusticeForAll]

You know, this got me to thinking about hubby number one and how relieved I was to get rid of that ball and chain, and it hit me, I was MORE relieved to get divorced from him than I was to get my BK discharge

Now, that's BAD! LOL

[BassBoy]

WELL SAID MINNY!

I'm sorry to hear about this tin. I truly hope that you and your new hubby are able to work this out.

As a man, I can tell you that we're not really good at opening up and talking about our feelings. We'll bottle it up, but one day, it will eventually show it's ugly face. We are a bizarre species. We have no understanding of women at all. Hell, I don't think we understand oursleves sometimes....LOL. We have strange make up...gotta be a flaw in our genes (and I don't mean jeans....LOL!).

I have been married for 10 years now and I still have difficulty opening up to my wife and discussing my feelings. I just don't know how to. She'll ask if something is wrong, I'll say "Oh, nothing," but in all honesty, something is got me acting all goofy....just don't know how to say it. We are not normally the senastive, mushy type. We are stubborn, pig-headed and want control of EVERYTHING. So, if men and women are such different creatures.....?

[JusticeForAll]

Speaking of well said

We have no understanding of women at all. Hell, I don't think we understand oursleves sometimes....LOL.

[Minnymouth]

The old saying "Women are from Venus, and Men from Mars" is basically true.......... Women are driven by LOVE AND THEIR HEARTS............Men are driven by SEX AND WORK............ everything else comes second to these.....

Men have a terrible time talking about their inner feelings.....especially to their spouses..... They can sit down and talk to a older women and spill their guts about their problems and feelings (I have men roommates)..... but they can't tell their girlfriends and wives......

I've listened to many a man tell me his problems (Momma Dee image)....... and I tell him how a woman would think about it or react.......

Sometimes feel like the local marriage counselor, lol........ but it helps them get a prespective on their problems...... often they work it out.

Men are supposed to be MACHO - so they hide their thoughts, their feelings, and most of their sensitivity about things....... But men do get sad, they do cry, and they often are troubled about things they won't discuss until someone can "get it out of them" and off their chest......

Be patient women, hopefully your spouses will be husbands, lovers, best friends, and companions, who will share everything with you..... in time!!

Minny

[BassBoy]

............Men are driven by SEX.......

Gee Minny, where did you get that idea.....ROFTLMAO!

As a man, I can tell you that were not really good at opening up and talking about our feelings. We'll bottle it up, but one day, it will eventually show it's ugly face. We are a bizarre species. We have no understanding of women at all. Hell, I don't think we understand oursleves sometimes....LOL. We have strange make up...gotta be a flaw in our genes (and I don't mean jeans....LOL!).

I have been married for 10 years now and I still have difficulty opening up to my wife and discussing my feelings. I just don't know how to. She'll ask if something is wrong, I'll say "Oh, nothing," but in all honesty, something is got me acting all goofy....just don't know how to say it. We are not normally the senastive, mushy type. We are stubborn, pig-headed and want control of EVERYTHING. So, if men and women are such different creatures.....?

Oops. Did I just open up here?

[jane taylor]

Tin,

So sorry to hear that things aren't going well for you and your hubby. Every one of us goes into a marriage with unrealistic expectations of the other and the majority of those are unexpressed. Expectations then very quickly turn into resentments. Yes it is true that the very characteristics that attract us to our mates are the ones that drive us the craziest! (My dh is very organized, stoic, and doesn't show emotion unless a referee makes a bad call and HE DRIVES ME NUTS sometimes!!! Meanwhile I am a free spirit, love to socialize, and am great at thinking on my feet!)

You CAN work through all of this, but marriage isn't easy. The only thing any tougher is parenting which is a totally different thread. Even under the most ideal of situations (and I can't think of any off the top of my head) require newlyweds to adjust. Even good changes such as marriages are stressful.

Best wishes to you and hang in there. For me, it has been worth the effort and we've been through h#$* and back.

Peace,
jane

[lrprn]

After 26 years of marriage...most great, some not so great....all I can say is it's really easy to get into the "I'm right!" mode and not listen very well (or at all!) to the opposing view of your spouse. If your new husband is already sleeping on the couch, I'm guessing that one or both of you feels like she/he is right about something and isn't listening and isn't compromising. If there's one thing I've learned, a good marriage is filled with many compromises! You learn to pick your battles and let the rest go. If everything little thing becomes a battle to be right, that way lies divorce (or at least a lifetime of emotional misery).

The two of you saw something in each other that made you want to be together for a lifetime. Start looking for that again and build on it. It's too soon to know if this is a pattern, so give compromise a chance first. Go to your new husband, tell him you love him and want him off the couch back in the bedroom, then give him a big hug and kiss. Go halfway first to give him a chance to meet you halfway, then see what happens.