About to file Chapter 13 :(

[Ivygirl2020]

I am so nervous and disappointed in myself. Came here for support. Been crying nonstop.

[shipo]

Don't beat yourself up, fact of life, life happens. I think if you ask everyone here who filed a Chapter 13, myself included, we would all say, "I wish I'd filed sooner." It takes a few years, but there is life and financial stability after bankruptcy, you just need to stay positive.

[Ivygirl2020]

Thank you so much. I needed to hear this!

[justbroke]

You are among friends. We have all been here and some of us have been at this point twice. As we say, life happens.

[Ivygirl2020]

Thank you so much.

[Carmella]

Ivygirl2020 been there done that. It is emotionally tough to file for BK 13. I was the worst and as shipo said yes, I WISH we would have done it sooner. I dragged my feet about a year, was getting sued by credit card companies and still procrastinated until my attorney had the "come to Jesus" type moment. She really let me have it and I needed that to actually do what we needed to do.

It's totally normal to feel like you messed up and have failed. There's a stigma to BK. We didn't tell anyone who wasn't involved and even pushed it not to tell our daughter who was sorta involved since my name was on the car with her and she was authorized user on my credit card. I took care of it not to drag her in because she wasn't in the best state of mind herself and I didn't want her blame herself as being part of the problem because she was not.

Cry and get it out of your system!! After you file you will have less stress, a different type of stress because it's not easy, but it's better. I cannot express how relieved I felt, how much better I felt after we filed. I felt like a new person! A great burden was lifted off my shoulders.

The BK 13 was the best thing to do and without it there is no way we would be in the financial shape we are in at this time. We are just over 2 years post BK13 discharge. Ours ended about 1 yr early since all creditors did not file. We were in 100% payback plan. We made it through the pandemic while in active BK13. My husband and I were both "essential workers," although I lost my second job, but he got overtime. It was a struggle for us to get through it since we were helping our adult daughter, new college grad , financially/lived with us to be able to start her career (she was not included as a dependent since she was an adult and just graduated college).

I won't lie and say it's an easy path, but it's a better path and you end up better off in the end. It would have been easier if it was truly just my husband and I, if daughter was financially independent.

You may have made mistakes leading to BK 13. I know I did. But we live and learn and correct those mistakes. that's the key LEARN how not to get into such terrible debt again. I know sometimes it's out of people's control if there is a financial emergency or health emergencies. My situation was poor planning after loss of income and paying off debt and then racking more up. I no longer blame myself because I made mistakes. I also went through some hard emotional times combined with the poor planning.

But what's done is done, it's in the past. It's time to move forward and start new habits and avoid making any mistakes you have identified in your past.

You will learn to live on a cash budget that isn't always easy. I would say the first 3 months were the toughest to get into new habits. But still it was different it was not the stress we I had before we filed.

This forum is great. I wish I found it before we had filed I may not have procrastinated as long if I had this type of support and people to answer any questions or share their fears. This forum helped with questions and was very supportive. Nothing like being in BK 13 during a pandemic and having your only car totaled in an accident caused by a drunk driver! Ask any questions you have.

Here's something good to know before you file: Something I wish I knew before was about the house payment and the car payment. This is IF you are paying these outside of the plan. I had the option to pay them on my own or let the trustee pay them. I wanted to keep paying these bills myself.

They no longer allowed online access to make the payments. I had to call the bank and transfer money from the checking account to make the mortgage and HEL payments, the bank has a bankruptcy department. I could have mailed a check, but it was easier to call. At one point I regained online access, I am not sure why and they told me that was NOT possible, but my account allowed me to pay online so I did and didn't ask any more questions about it.

One of the cars was through a local bank so I went in person and paid it at the bank. I could have mailed it, but I have had problems with the mail before and I wanted to ensure it was on time. The other car payment went through a 3rd party, you could access through the Ally bank website (that's where my loan was from). One car was to be paid off during the BK and the bank would not release info to me regarding the pay off balance they had to contact my attorney and get permission. Then they told me the amount and I paid it!

I had a step plan so when that car was paid off my BK payment increased by the amount equivalent to the car payment. But then that car died and was too costly to repair so we shared a car which was a bigger strain on my marriage than the frickin BK13!

I hope I didn't overwhelm with info, look back if it's too much at the moment just know you are NOT alone and we have been there and lived to tell the tale and are better off now!

[Ivygirl2020]

OMG thank you so much. You all have no idea how much these words of encouragement are helping me. I’m really in dark place right now because I feel so ashamed and disappointed in myself…..like a complete failure BUT each comment I get is helping me. Hearing others say “it will be okay” means so much more to me than you all will ever know. Thank you!

[Carmella]

Ivygirl2020 You're welcome. Please do post and ask questions. I try to stop in the forum every week or two. Have you already talked to attorneys to find a good fit. That's one of the first steps to find a good attorney if your gut says the attorney is not the one listen. Find a firm that has experience in BK in your area.

We kept our BK very private. I actually did tell one person. She has a friend I had for a while and she actually brought up BK to me which to me was something I never ever would consider. She had gone through Chapter 7 after her divorce many years before and was about to file again. She was retired, had medical bills and a very low income. She recommended the attorney, I had seen one before who was not a good one which lead to our procrastination. Unfortunately, she passed away while we were in our BK 13. We wanted to keep it very private mostly due to the stigma and embarrassment.

But you would be surprised how many people have gone through BK either 7 or 13. I mentioned it to my tax guy who we used 20 plus years and so did my parents to find out he went through BK after his divorce. My daughter's fiancé's (at that time) parents went through BK. His mom accidentally said something about a BK payment then tried to change the subject real fast that was BEFORE we even considered filing. I almost talked to her, but I am glad I did not as her son, ex fiancé dumped by daughter shortly after...

When I learned to use PACER I started searching names of people I knew and while I felt like a Nosey Nell, it really helped because I saw we were NOT alone. I didn't gossip or tell anyone what I found in the public records, but my neighbor, my cousin and a few other random people had filed BK and NO ONE talks about it. The lady who managed the first apartment complex my daughter rented...she mentioned a cosigner if my daughter could not afford it. I just said, "I am sorry we (husband and me) cannot sign we have "bad credit." Then she shared that she went through BK and understands that people can have bad credit. There was a fairly young nurse at one of my work places. I overheard her talking to another nurse. She had gone through BK and was telling the other nurse it was the best thing that happened to her, she put her debt behind her and made changes so it wouldn't happen again.

BK if done right can help you put the huge financial mistakes or unfortunate circumstances that lead to BK in the past and you can prepare to do your best to avoid getting into financial problems again.

Long story short, you are definitely NOT alone and life can get better.

If possible make sure you have a decent car before filing and if you can set money aside for emergencies. I don't know what's allowed when you file. We had no savings and I didn't even know what to ask. If we were not still helping to support our daughter we would have been able to save after the BK payments started and I know others on this forum did save up some money after they filed which helped with the usual expenses in life especially if you are home owner stuff happens. But we did what we had to do and I rather go without and give my daughter a better start in her career than living a little more comfortably those first few years.

I look at it like the active BK is a short time in the scheme of your life and it's not fun, but we can handle it. Based on my religious upbringing I did equate the hard times to doing penance for not making the best choices. Even though the choices were not extravagant and were partly making wrong choices not doing the wrong thing, if that makes sense. I guess it helped me accept the fact that we are human and we make mistakes or fall upon hard times.

Do update as you begin this journey.

[Ivygirl2020]

Hello. Thanks for the reply. This feedback is helping me so much, mentally. I found a good lawyer and filed and was surprised at how fast things started moving. I had a little panic attack when I logged into my credit card account and seen “account restricted” because that made it very real to me. BUT I convinced myself into thinking this was the beginning towards righting my wrongs. Credits cards were my enemy and play a huge role in why I am where I am today, so that account restricted notification is honestly what I needed to see. I’m going to take it day by day and try to stay positive! I suffer from extreme anxiety so this will be a process but hopefully this ordeal will help me address many of my shortcomings. Thanks again for taking time out to offer kind words. I will continue to check the forum weekly for messages. It’s Friday so I hope you have a safe and wonderful weekend! 🤗

[Carmella]

I popped online now since I had time. My second job didn't need me today so in a few I will finally decorate for Christmas.

I hope once the initial shock is gone that filing will actually help relieve some of your anxiety.

Living close to 5 yrs without a credit card made me not want to use them anymore, but I have to rebuild credit so now I do have three cards that I only use for SPECIFIC things and I always say no the nice lady asking me at the department store, "do you want to open an account, you can save 40% on this entire order."

Remember if there's a financial/BK type issue that pops up come and share it with us for advice and support because that is anxiety provoking and life happens. I am happy you found a good lawyer!

[Ivygirl2020]

I was so excited to get the notification that I got a message. Glad you are able to do some Christmas decorating today. 👏🏾 Soooo my first week down alot more to go. I’m starting to get the notifications from the credit bureaus that a BK was reported on my credit report. 😕 BUT there is no turning back now. Just preparing myself to make better financial decisions and staying focused. I will definitely reach out if I have questions or just need to vent or start feeling down. I really appreciate the support. It’s amazing that sometimes support comes from the people you don’t know and less from those you do.