Help me with my 11 year old

[debtisbad]

Heres the situation. Today, I told my 11 year old that I would like to take him and his siblings to Fl to see grandma for Thanksgiving. Grandma (my mom) lives in a small place so we have to stay at a hotel. I am looking at hotels online and checking prices at motel 6. Motel 6 is very reasonable and we will only be there to sleep. Son says no way he is staying there, he will only stay at the hyatt. Its not even like he wants to go to disney or do things like that. He is overly concerned about the hotel chain. I cannot believe it! He is taking after his father. His father and other grandma are extravagent spenders without the income to coincide. My son is now verbally abusing me. Calling me a loser to stay in such a place. This really hurts.

[anonymuse]

Remember, you're the parent and he's the kid--before anything else (besides this money matter), he must treat you with respect.

Explain to him in terms he understands. To stay at a Hyatt would cost a year of his allowance, yet staying at Motel 6 would be 3 months of his allowance.

[debtisbad]

Anon, I am the mother, but I am completely over ruled in my home. My husband spends like a wild hyena. His mother (who has moved in with us for the last year) is right behind him. It is a weird situation. I almost feel like the third wheel. They do everything together. That is why we are leaving for thanksgiving, so his mama can have him to herself. She over rules every thing. She even said to my son " all your mother worries about is money". Then she pulls out her credit card and buys son what ever I just told him he cannot have. THAT IS WHY HE WILL NOT STAY AT MOTEL 6. This is just scratching the surface. The kid thinks money grows on trees. And it is really not his fault, though I am getting tired of the 11 year old attitude.

[SinkingFast]

I realize you have other issues going on in your home, DIB, but this sounds like a tween thing to me.

Middle School aged children are the absolute WORST kids. They are mean and snobby and hateful and sarcastic. They roll their eyes and say "Whatever." and blow you off. I hated going thru that phase.

Let me tell you, I did more than a little ear pulling and nape of the neck grabbing where I turned their faces right to mine and said, "There's the door! Don't let it hit you in the a$$ on the way out!" I could see sudden thoughts of no roof over their heads, no clothes on their backs, and no food in their stomachs running thru their eyes. They backed down really quick. They realized it was "Mom's way or the highway" and I didn't get any more guff. Until the next time, that is.

I realize that is much easier to do when you have support. And it sounds like you don't have that support. You and your Hubby are not a united front. Your MIL has come between you and stepped out in front with your son. Which I don't get at all. When I get done running this household, when the kids are grown and gone, the last thing I wanna do is take over someone else's household and do it all over again.

I also know that having a live in parent/grandparent presents its own set of challenges. My mother lives with us. When she tries to parent our kids, we tell her to get her nose out of our business. It's our job to parent our kids, not hers. She's a valued member of our family, but Mom is not the boss. This is not her household. Our kids are not her kids.

You could tell your son from my kids,............. They'd be more than happy to trade places with him. They wouldn't mind sleeping at Motel 6 to get to go to Florida!!!

[debtisbad]

Thanks for the wisdom, SF. Its just my sweet little boy is turning into a monster and I know I am having a hard time of it. He is growing up with very materialistic folks since we moved here (hamilton co.--indy) AND Grandma living with us has just about put me over the edge. The mil syndrome is in full swing here!! BTW, I am also getting the "whatever" bull sh*t from this son. AND to think I am going to listen to this tween crap for hours on end to drive to my mothers makes me nauseas!!!! Plus, I really have no money, as most of us on here can atest. The only reason I am going is that gas prices have come down. Motel 6 is 29.99 and you cannot find anything cheaper. Son can stay there or sleep in the car at this point!!!!!

[JusticeForAll]

Tell him to ask Grandma for the money for the Hyatt, or leave him at home with her!

I know, easy for me to say, right? I have no kids. I feel for all of you that have teenagers, it would KILL me!

[tinroofrusted]

An 11 year old, is still not too old for a quick hard swat on the behind.....

Or across the mouth depending on how bad the mouthiness is.....

I was 16 the last time I got it, and I deserved it!

[tinroofrusted]

PS, You could always try Priceline.com

I got a $100 a night hotel room for $25.00 when I went to Minnesota a few months ago.

[HRx]

Motel 6's aren't bad at all....you can also see if www.hotels.com can get you a decent deal. But as everyone else said...the bottom line is you're the parent, the decision is yours.

Good Luck!

[jane taylor]

Oh wow, do I know about mouthy teenagers!!

I'm with Tin--they are not too old for a swat across the behind! I've done that fairly recently and mine are 14 and 17.

It does get better and like us, they have their good and bad days. BK is so stressful for everyone.

I cannot imagine having my MIL live with me, although I will say that when mine was here during my husband's illness she was an absolute Godsend!

Hang in there. I've always said that moms of teenagers know why some species eat their young

jane

[JusticeForAll]

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!
I just choked up my Crystal Light, again! Jane! You kill me!!!!!

I've always said that moms of teenagers know why some species eat their young

jane

[SinkingFast]

Oh wow, do I know about mouthy teenagers!!

I'm with Tin--they are not too old for a swat across the behind! I've done that fairly recently and mine are 14 and 17.

It does get better and like us, they have their good and bad days. BK is so stressful for everyone.

I cannot imagine having my MIL live with me, although I will say that when mine was here during my husband's illness she was an absolute Godsend!

Hang in there. I've always said that moms of teenagers know why some species eat their young

jane

ROFLMAO!!

I've done my fair share of grab the ear or catch the nape of the neck and twist their faces nose to nose to me. Ask them do they enjoy the food in their stomachs, the clothes on their backs, and the roof over their heads??!!

We've even borrowed from Bill Cosby:

"I brought you into this world and I can take you out of this world!!"

[Minnymouth]

The HUMAN RACE is the only species that still takes care of their young after their grown!!!!!!!

Smack em down, get their attention, jerk those privileges.........

If momma ain't happy, NOBODY SHOULD BE.....................

Remember, we are the PARENTS..............

[jane taylor]

ROFL, Minny!! You are so right--if Momma ain't happy nobody else should be!

Minny, you rock. Please take good care of yourself!!! We love you!!

jane

[jane taylor]

I've told my kids on several occasions--"Don't let the back door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya!"

Then they just go and roll their eyes behind my back, but since I'm a mother and have eyes in the back of my head, they still get in trouble