Post-BK Relationships

[anonymuse]

Not sure what made me think about this last night, but I was wondering how/when you told a new SO about your BK? Obviously, casual dating there really is no need to mention it. However, if something turns serious, finances are something that are generally discussed somewhere along the way when you see a commitment coming.

[nervousSC]

I wondered the same thing anon. I know this sounds stupid, but is any decent man going to date/eventually marry me if I have a BK....
Any people who have filed BK and then found "the ONE".......?

[anonymuse]

I'm late 30-something, and I still want kids dearly. But I've heard time and time again that the thing people clash about most in their relationships are finances. I'm sure there's some decent men out there (just not sure how to find them before this BK business anyway). And we'll have to explain what happened to get in this situation and show that life has been turned around. But still not sure how you slip this conversation in over coffee. ;)

[jane taylor]

Nope, BK is definitely not "kitchen table" material! I am blessed to be married to a wonderful man, but I know that fighting over our finances has been a huge stressor in our marriage! Add to that, well-meaning, but ill-advised family of origin and that becomes a real mess!

My opinion is that someone who really loves you will see past the BK, not that they like it, but they accept it as something that could happen to anyone.

jane

[nervousSC]

bump.......

i'm anxiously awaiting a response telling me that there are decent men out there who will marry a bankrupt girl.......

[Pinktiger]

OK - what's the big deal?
So you had to file BK. Things happen. I'm not ashamed of my bankruptcy and you shouldn't be either.
The way I look at it, anyone who is so skittish as to allow a bankruptcy in my past to stop them from being interested in having a life with me, is just too shallow to share my life. Everyone has things happen to them. I don't know of any perfect people. Even the people I know who have never dealt with this particular type of adversity have had to deal with other issues. And people who haven't had adversity are usually people who don't take chances and who live boring lives.
I'd rather be bankrupt than bored.

[NASCAR20FAN]

Add me to the list!

[poorme]

Hey Nervous!
This is a serious, well-intended reply. There ARE still a lot of decent guys out here and somewhere there is one of them who will honestly want to marry your bankrupted butt and make you happy! I hope you will find your guy in a fun, relaxed manner when you least expect it...you know, one of those "Ah-hah!" moments.....be yourself, try not to stress, and take care of your finances and credit rebuilding. At some point you can talk about your progress to guys and the bk will be some little old thing that happened a long time ago. Seriously! <hugs>

[Minnymouth]

EXCUSE ME.........................

Girls and Guys................... who better to marry than someone that HAS NO DEBTS..................... THINK ABOUT IT...................

Bankrutpcy is not all that bad anymore.............happens everyday, all day long....... to everybody.....

AS TINA SAYS "What's Love Got To Do With It"??????

LOL

[anonymuse]

I remember being so concerned about not having student loans when I got married. Then, I thought that it wasn't really any big deal since I had such a good income that a few hundred dollars a month is nothing compared to what I'd be making if I didn't have that degree. Now I wonder why I'm worse off than when I left college.

Where are those rich guys? ;)

[JeepMom]

I met my dh his sr year of college. I had about $1k of bad debt on my cr I bawled when I told him. I had to tell him when we couldn't get our first appartment because of a judgement. You know what he did. He gave me the money to pay it off so we could move in together.

We went through bk together and we're rebuilding together.

Now that we aren't paying crazy high intrest on crazy high credit cards life is good.

It's tough but if they are the person you are going to marry they will do anything to be with you.

[Credit Hater]

bump.......

i'm anxiously awaiting a response telling me that there are decent men out there who will marry a bankrupt girl.......

yea, I guess theres still some decent men around, hard to see through all the dogs though.

Relationships are a totally different dynamic for me....but its low on my priority list right along with my credit score. Women want a nice guy but then when they get one, they want a bad boy....damned if you do, damned if you don't. Remember those books "men are from mars, women are from venus" ? Ya, right! No we're just wishing we were that different. In general, we are all VERY much alike, but theres too much plastic....fakeness....pretending to be who we want to be or what the other S O wants us to be.........screw that! I am who I am, if someone can't accept me and all that I'm made up of, that problem was in their hands and out of mine from the moment we met.

Thats how I live my life. Plastic got me into financial trouble. I'll be damned if I'll allow a plastic personality (someone else's or one of my own) add to those troubles.



I guess a simple way to break it to someone you feel is worthy of knowing that deep personal part of you, just casually mention that your credit sucks or something to that effect. If they pry, say you got into trouble with some financial issues and have cleared it up (or are clearing it up). If they don't call back, you're in the clear and they did you a favor.


:EDIT: The statement I made above of course doesn't apply to all relationships. JeepMom's is a perfect example. Thats when someone accepts all of you!! Congrats on your catch JeepMom

[nervousSC]

Hey Nervous!
This is a serious, well-intended reply. There ARE still a lot of decent guys out here and somewhere there is one of them who will honestly want to marry your bankrupted butt and make you happy! I hope you will find your guy in a fun, relaxed manner when you least expect it...you know, one of those "Ah-hah!" moments.....be yourself, try not to stress, and take care of your finances and credit rebuilding. At some point you can talk about your progress to guys and the bk will be some little old thing that happened a long time ago. Seriously! <hugs>

Thank you poorme! WHEW....a sigh of relief! I just noticed on eharmony there isn't a box to check for this....LOL........I can sleep better at night now!

[alh]

I don't think there are many guys that would not continue a relationship because of a prior BK. Usually when they ask for your number they are thinking phone, not FICO.