file BK without spousal approval.

[kathyc02124]

oh my. I've read all of the above replies. I agree with everything that was said. I'm not doing well tonight, but give me a pat on the back because I am home and it is midnight on saturday and my husband is in chicago. I worked 4 hours over and then stopped off for a few drinks after work. And I know that is wrong because I am seeing double and I am heading for bed. I am finding an escape with evenings out after work. I could have called my sponsor and had coffee or I could go out and have drinks with single people from work that like to have fun on saturday nights. And saturday night fun is enhanced at foxwoods. 4 people chose to go there tonight from our drinking crowd, yet something told me not to join them. They tried to get me to go. But 3 of them staid behind and knew better I guess? Anyway, as clouded as my judgment was, I was very tempted. And right then I should have called my sponsor. But a friend that kind of knows of my gambling spent some time talking me into staying with her. She took me to another bar, just to get me away from all the others. we had another couple of drinks and then she told me to go home.
I'm let down now because I am realizing that I'm just taking up time here. drazil says it nice and clear, not only do I have to stop the gambling, but the drinking is a problem too. But then, the debt is a problem too. And I am not going to get out from under it. And that makes me want to drink more and forget my troubles and be with friends. And my head hurts. I know I am doing everything wrong. BUT. I maybe had too many drinks, but I am still in my home and not at foxwoods. But how do I face my husband. How do I pay my bills. How do I pay $400 a week to a mean bastard that threatens me every week if I don't pay him. I wish I could talk with my sponsor now. Why do I feel like talking to her more than my husband? It's after midnight and she told me I could call her day or night. Sometimes, it is therapy enough for me to just come on here and rant? You know? And this way, I
m not distributing anyone? No one wantes to be distributed at this time of night to talk to someone that has been drinking all night. But on here, it is ok. Although it takes 5 times as many key strokes to get it right. its ' probably time for me to go to bed. I am in my own bed tonight. We can work this out. I guess I am not filling bankruptcy so it is not an option now. So I rweally don[r have a reason to be here any longer. other than help.

[kathyc02124]

Disturbing anyone. how do they do that upper arrow when they make a mistake.

[kathyc02124]

A second job may seem like a good idea but Kathy is already putting in 20 hours of overtime at her current job. That is a second job and if she did take another part time job when would she be home? Sure the money would be helpful but she would be working herself to the bone in my opinion. I say just keep doing the overtime, meet with your sponsor and try to get on better terms with your husband.

All of this will take time but will be well worth it in the end.

I can't do no more.

[kathyc02124]

I don't want to be like this. I want a happy marriage and to be loved.

[dina13]

I might be missing something, and I apologize in advance for my question, but what is the worst that can happen if you don't pay them? Are they some sort of criminals, or are they just threatening? And if they are criminals, couldn't police get involved?

They are thriving on your fear. But rationally, could and would they actually fulfill their threats?

I'm asking because I've had situations before, and bk was one of them, when I was afraid of the future, and then I asked myself: what's the worst that can happen? And then I realized that the worst is not as bad as my imagination made it seem.

[Pjmax]

Kathy, I'm so glad you made it home. Give yourself credit for the things you are doing right. It's one day at a time, and you made it through another one. Bankruptcy or not, you are a part of this forum, and I hope you'll keep posting for as long as you want to.

Sleep well, and call your sponsor in the morning.

Thinking of you.

[pamkev]

Kathy
Please don't think you are a bother here because you are not. You were on a Saturday night Good for you a job well done.

Talk to your sponsor today and as corny as it sounds it is a new day and your made it though last night

Pam

[angel7821]

Even if you are not filing BK we are still here for you and care very much. You are among friends and we understand. Great job on not going to Foxwoods last night. You should be very proud of yourself.

[Pjmax]

Kathy, I had a thought: in one of your posts I think you mentioned you had payday loans. I'm not an expert on this, but from what I read Mass. has some very strict rules on this as far as being licensed and charging interest, etc. Maybe if you could give more info on this debt, those that do know could offer some advice. It's worth looking into.

[kathyc02124]

pj, it's more than a payday loan that I am talking about. And I probably shouldn't even mention anymore about it. It's the biggest part of my trouble. But I am here because I was hoping to take care a what I now see as a much smaller part of my trouble, and had hopes that if I could do the BK, I would then have money left to make the other payments. I actually have several dilemmas going on all at once. And I am starting to realize that it is hopeless. I've let my husband down too many times. Now I have really dragged him into a situation that he warned me not to drag him into. I had a serious gambling problem. I borrowed money from peter to pay paul and then got credit from paul to pay peter and played one against the other. And I owe a lot of money. I can't blame anyone. I knew what I was doing at the time. I ruined my credit, my husband's credit and my marriage so that I could have fun at the slot machines in atlantic city and foxwoods. The more I lost, the more they enticed me with free meals, free luxury rooms, free limo service. They don't offer that service if you are winning. I was offered suites, they threw birthday parties for me. They gave me tickets to any show I wanted to see. Front row seats. All I had to do was gamble for a couple of hours with my card in the machine. The offers kept rolling in. If I lost a lot of money, they gave me free offers. If I won a little bit of money, they gave me more offers to get me back. Either way they win. I'm thousands, upon thousands of dollars in debt because of them. And when it got so bad, the parasites come around and give you free drinks and treat you like a high roller. And they throw money at you. And you live the good life for awhile. Flowers, room service, spa services, all complimentary. An afternoon pedicure, facial and massage. How about we spend the afternoon looking for designer pocketbooks or shoes? Jeepers, there is no charge, just sign here, it will be delivered to your room. Well, all that comes to a stop at some point. Suddenly people and places want to get paid. And husbands who thought you were home when they were away, well, they find out a different side of you? And they get hurt.

[kathyc02124]

I never meant for any of this to happen. I am so sorry. Yet the one I love cannot accept my apology for I have made this apology too many times. And each time, I mean it. I truly am so sorry. I hate who I am because of what I do to my husband. But I do it over and over.

[Pjmax]

Sorry, Kathy, I misunderstood, thought you had both payday and loan shark loans.

You are home again tonite. That's good. Did you talk to your sponsor today?

[pamkev]

Kathy,
You may feel like you are the only one who has ever been in this mess. You are not. Talk to your sponsor and then talk some more.

Pam

[Drazil65]

No quick fixes I am afraid only a lot of hard work to climb out of that hole but not hopeless either (just a long climb). Call your sponsor and meet with him/her, no one can do this for you BUT you have people willing to listen to you. You need that right now.

You cannot fix things between you and your husband without fixing the main problems which do include the gambling, the drinking and the debt. Just do what you need to do and for how long you need to do it. You have to do this for yourself first then focus on your relationship, in the mean time your husband will have time to figure out what he needs to do as well. Unfortunately you do not have a lot of control over what he ends up doing in the long run but if you make strides in the right direction he may change his heart. Either way you have to do it, you really have no choice but to start at the beginning. Many have done it and succeeded and been better for it.

[pamkev]

No quick fixes I am afraid only a lot of hard work to climb out of that hole but not hopeless either (just a long climb). Call your sponsor and meet with him/her, no one can do this for you BUT you have people willing to listen to you. You need that right now.

You cannot fix things between you and your husband without fixing the main problems which do include the gambling, the drinking and the debt. Just do what you need to do and for how long you need to do it. You have to do this for yourself first then focus on your relationship, in the mean time your husband will have time to figure out what he needs to do as well. Unfortunately you do not have a lot of control over what he ends up doing in the long run but if you make strides in the right direction he may change his heart. Either way you have to do it, you really have no choice but to start at the beginning. Many have done it and succeeded and been better for it.

I agree with this post 100 percent. Kathy it will be hard but you can do this.