file BK without spousal approval.

[AngelinaCat]

Kathy, you made it home safely, and are talking with us. We are here with you! You WILL make it! {{{{{{HUGGSS}}}}}}

[pamkev]

Kathy,
Here's to a sunshine day and fine one thing to be grateful for. It can be as simple as being able to breath

Pam

[angel7821]

It's a new day so forget about yesterday for that is gone. Do something special for yourself it will make you feel better.

[angel7821]

Kathy just wanted to pop in and say I hope you have a great weekend.

[AngelinaCat]

Hi Kathy. It is 9:30 by my clock here. Please let us know that you are home safe and sound.....

[kathyc02124]

Just got home. Stopped off and had a few drinks after work with some of my coworkers.

My husband has an early flight out in the morning so went to bed early. None of my co-workers know of any of my financial troubles. I find it comforting that I can socialize with them and none of my problems come up.

My husband pays little attention to me even though I try to entice him and please him. He goes to bed early and stays on "his" side of the bed.

I had lunch with my sponsor this afternoon. We talked for about an hour, then I had to return to work. We are going to a meeting tomorrow afternoon. I'm looking forward to going. It's a closed meeting.

I'm not able to talk to my husband, my co-workers and even my sponsor about my debt. I don't know what to do about it? I'm not talking about my credit card debt. I want to chapter 7 or 13 so bad because that would free up money that I can use to pay of this other debt that is the route of all my problems right now.

Sometimes I want to scream. I have serious trouble that no one knows about. And that I can not tell anyone about.

Do not EVER owe these people money. Because they want more than money in return. You are ok as long as you don't miss a payment. But the rules change whenever they feel like ti anyway, so there is no good way out. Believe me , payday loans people are a pleasure to talk to even when I am behind. They rant and rave but I can deal with that.

I have run up a lot of debt. I don't even know how or why, all I know is I owe a lot of money. To a lot of credit card companies and when I ran out of them, I met a few people that extended credit real easy. And thinking about how my husband makes good money and I can "do this" based on his bank account, until he shut me off? But by then I already had the fever . And when he shuts me off, and someone else offers me more cash, I took it.

I never meant to do any of this. This isn't me. I'm NOT a bad person. I never meant any harm to anyone. If only I could have done a chapter 7, all would have been good. And no one would have ever known of my dirty secrets? I never asked for this.

Thank you all for letting me vent. I am so sorry for bringing you into my troubles. But I need someone that I can talk to and I so much appreciate this board and all of you that listen to me.

[AngelinaCat]

Kathy, I am so happy that you are home now.

I do have to say that I must break your long post up into smaller paragraphs so that it is easier to read.

I will repeat, I am so glad to see that you are home. You are doing well.

[Pjmax]

You'll start talking about it (to your sponsor) soon enough, you know you have to, when you're ready. You've taken some big steps in the last week. You're doing good! Meanwhile, vent away!

We know you're not a bad person. Good people get into trouble too. I'm so glad you're checking in here every night, some of us worry until we see you've posted.

[AngelinaCat]

Dearest Daughter Kathy: I am glad to see that you are home. You are amongst friends and supporters here. Remember that!!!

You will need to meet with your sponsors continually for some while--each case is different. Eventually you WILL confess to them how much debt you actually owe to the scumbags.

Once you can actually say the amount out-loud to another person, THAT is when your really true healing will start. I assure you; you will NOT shock your sponsors. They have already been there and done that.

One baby-step that I told you of, is the fact that you found this Forum, and you started sharing your problems with us. We are your supporters, and your friends.

You are starting on your Healing Journey. We are here with you.

[AngelinaCat]

Pjmax got in ahead of my post. That is well.

I do wish to point this small fact to you:

Your husband is HOME with you. He may NOT be talking right now, and it may take days or weeks, but as long as he is HOME with you on his scheduled days to do that; he still loves you and wants everything to work out.

I suggest not pushing anything right now; just be home when he is home, and be as pleasant as you can be. Eventually, you both are going to have to sit down and talk. But I do not think this is the right time.

(I need to say that I am not a psychologist or anything like that. I am a Research Librarian/Archivist. But I have had a lot of time to observe people.)

[pamkev]

I agree with above posters you will tell your sponsor about your bigger problem and when you do it will be a freeing experience.

Cat is right about your hubby he is home with you. He is hurt and angry right now. One day you will need to tell him and you will know when that time is.

Pam

[Drazil65]

Glad to see you are home with your husband even if things are not good between you. You know and understand how hurt he is so this is the walk you need to walk right now to earn his trust back eventually.

One thing I must say, it is time to drop the thought that you can chapter 7 or 13, you cannot on your own, period. I get the feeling that you still dream of ways to make this happen and that it will be your saving grace or make all your problems go away. It will not and you cannot, so maybe start dreaming of other ways to make this happen. You appear to be a smart girl that made some bad choices, you know this and no one thinks you are a bad person because of it. I believe deep down you understand that this is your mess and you need to crawl before you can walk. Right now those first baby steps have lead you to GA and you should/need to stick with it no matter what. That will be your life saving grace in the long run, not chapter 7.

Perhaps a second job in lieu of going out for drinks with coworkers would speed up the payment process and keep you from the temptation of visiting the casino once you start drinking (bad combination I'm afraid). This is a hard road you have chosen but each day spent talking to your sponsor and working hard to pay back these debts will make you so much stronger. Sometimes life makes us learn things the hard way so that you will make better choices in the future, no one likes to or wants to learn this way but so many need to.

You can do everything you can do to help your husband trust you again but as you know there are no guarantees. No matter what happens between the two of you ultimately the main focus right now needs to be on yourself. If you cannot be proud of yourself or love yourself then it will be impossible for someone to do it. You are on your way back up and your self esteem will come back with each step forward you make. Is it tough? Absolutely!!!! But at this point it needs to be so that you can appreciate the place you came from to where you ended up and the hard work you did to make it all happen.

[angel7821]

A second job may seem like a good idea but Kathy is already putting in 20 hours of overtime at her current job. That is a second job and if she did take another part time job when would she be home? Sure the money would be helpful but she would be working herself to the bone in my opinion. I say just keep doing the overtime, meet with your sponsor and try to get on better terms with your husband.

All of this will take time but will be well worth it in the end.

[Drazil65]

Angel, I agree with you 100% about the second job, the overtime and meeting with her sponsor should be more than enough to keep her busy (with some time to spend with hubby when he is home). My thought process is that if she has time to go out after work and have a few drinks with coworkers then she needs to keep busier. The drinking is not doing her any good and the temptation to go to the casino is very strong when she has a few. I say remove all and any temptation that you have control over, I am afraid cold turkey is the way to go at this point so you do what you have to do to accomplish it. Maybe replace the drinks with her sponsor and talking but drinking with the friends is one of the things that pushed her towards the casino from her earlier posts.

[AngelinaCat]

Kathy. it is Saturday evening about 8:30 PM. How are you doing?