Fear of the unknown and children...

[Newday1]

Well, tonight we prayed together after both my husband and I have been experiencing a heightened sense of anxiety over BK. It seems we have had such a stressful life the past 5 years trying to pay off debt and all we were doing was paying on the interest. If we had the money we would pay off all of our debt, but that is not our reality. I watch my husband's health suffer and I am beginning to look much older. We were blessed with a daughter after several years of trying and one miscarriage. Our daughter is a motivator in helping us to take care of this while she is so young. She won't remember it, whether we are in a 7 or end up in a 13, one way or another in 5 years this will be behind us.

How have you coped with the unknowns that come up throughout the process? We are trying to do everything right, but it is intimidating to have your life scrutinized as is done in a BK.

We have held off trying for another child because we did not think we could afford it due to our debt. Do we try for another child if we end up in a 13? How could we afford another child if we are in a 13? I have to work for insurance and that would mean that we would have to pay for daycare for both children. How do you have children while going through a 13?

I really don't know if we will be a 7 or 13 yet, our attorney is still trying to get us into a 7. He is experienced and knows the Trustees on a friendly basis. That is one thing that is positive. But, I feel that we will be a 13. He told us that is the worst case scenerio, which after hearing and listening and reading others stories who are in them does not seem like it is such a terrible thing. I just want more children and just don't know how we could afford an additional child. I am sorry to ramble, but I am feeling the stress and worry tonight and just wish we knew the Trustees decision, as do so many of you tonight.

[jst4f]

The anxiety is normal and it too shall pass. Very soon you will post that it is over and you don't know why you were so stressed. As for your big decision, I think that is between you, your husband and your big Adivsor.

You might want to look into the time lines between BK13 filings, between BK7 filings and between BK13 and BK7 filings, etc.

A fresh start is worth waiting for.... Best of luck

[Drazil65]

Hi, totally normal and expected, we have all been there (seriously). One thing that might be of help to you at this stage is to read (if you have not done so already) all the stickies here at the top and then as many of our questions and responses here. You will see your story in so many of the responses, you will see your questions. Knowledge is power and that power/knowledge will carry you through this process. Your family is a business, its the business of your family.

Get heavy into preplanning mode, sketch out your plan on paper, your timeline and your goals. Set that plan into motion, the timeline is yours and only you two can agree and work within that timeline. You make the rules with the plan, only then will you begin to feel the control seeping back into your life. Search for Google Voice, read it, set it up and use it, will be a saving grace in your life during the process. Stop paying on all your unsecured debt and start saving the money you would have used to make those payments for your attorney fees. Start making your "free consult" appointments, make your question lists for the attorneys, keep seeing them until you get the right one (you will know).

This is your private business and between you, your spouse and your attorney, anyone else you involve is your choice and your consequence (they may tell someone else or judge you or they may be supportive who knows) so think carefully about that. Trust me 1 year from now this will be behind you and your life can be on track with money in the bank as long as you learn what you need to learn from this big life lesson you will come through it just fine, like many others you will be fine, Good Luck!

[TBA]

First, take a deep breath momma.

Second, know that what has already been said here is true, the one that struck me and got me through the emotional part... This is a business decision. This isnt about you failing or letting down your family. This is about getting a fresh start because paying interest will get you no where.

I was over 2mil in personal debt due to a failed business with personal guarantees smiling down on me. At the time we realized we were not going to make it, we didnt have children, but hubby and i wanted them. We met a few attorneys and found the right one and set up a plan. It was a huge relief. We laid out a timeline, just as mentioned above, got everything in order, and once i saw the light, we decided to have a baby. I am an older mom - we were waiting until we were "financially ready" if there is such a thing...

I was about 6 months pregnant at my 341 meeting. we were discharged about 65 days later.

Fast forward to current day - My little one is almost 14 months and i am less than 4 weeks away from delivering my "oops" baby. You can plan and prep all you want, but sometimes things go awry. I wonder how i will do it now - and i remind myself - people have done more with less. my grandmother raised two children 11 months apart in the mid 1940s. If she can do it, so can i.

If it means i have to give up cable and fancy cell phones, or clip more coupons and eat the supermarket brands of my favorite foods - i will make that sacrifice to make sure my babies have everything they need.

Get a plan ready and then make a decision and move on it. It is the first step. everything will start falling into place. And you will find that you can handle anything thrown at you. because in the end, you still have your health, even if you added a few grays along the way.

[Pandora]

Children are a gift... If you should find yourself expecting somewhere down the road and you're in a Ch. 13 - then you modify your plan accordingly to account for that little bundle of joy

Live your life...and if that little miracle happens, know that it's meant to be; ease your mind (hugs)

[Newday1]

Wow! Thank you so much to all of you who have shared your stories and encouragement. My heart and my head affirm what you are saying. Children are a gift, yes have a plan, be frugal and worst case scenario you might need to go back to Trustee for a change in plan. This is a business decision and we will get through this. After days and days this month of tears, pity parties, regrets and compassion from the Lord, I can move forward with life and if that means another child then what a gift that life would be.

[dmc-2008]

Did you decide?

[btbeme]

How did we get through the emotional part?

It was a lot easier for me the day I figured out that bankruptcy is a privilege rather than a punishment. Sure, it is painful. Yes, it can be a bit humiliating. Absolutely, there was some guilt and anger and anxiety.

We have kids, too - two adopted daughters. Both are special needs kids. Regardless of the curveballs that life (and the economy) threw us, they are the ones who have battles to fight that they cannot win. For us, financial difficulties were as tough as anybody's. But, thank God, we live in a country that sees the best in people and allows them every chance to succeed, even if that means a "do-over." We do not have debtors prisons or Sharia law. We do not chop off limbs or imprison family members if we cannot pay our debts. We get the chance to start again - and hopefully live the lesson learned so that we can continue moving forward to be (and raise) contributing members of society.

There is embarrassment, angst, anger, crying, and maybe even a little terror in a bankruptcy. But no shame.