Just Need To Vent

[Tater]

Hi guys,

I told my mom about our bankruptcy a few weeks ago. She is the only person we have told and she promised to keep it to herself. Today, I started getting a number of phone calls and text messages about our bankruptcy. Obviously, she told someone and word got out on my side of the family.

Wow, talk about some negative communication today. We basically got called everything in the book from losers to dead beats. I finally just shut my phone off as I could take no more. One thing we are learning from this process is that what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Yes, my feelings are hurt but what do I really have to be ashamed of? We are the ones that look ourselves in the mirror every day and realized the mistakes we've made.

I gave up trying to explain things and it's really no one's business but ours. I find it a good lesson in not to judge others. Trying to find the positive in a bad situation! Glad to have everyone here and be able to communicate with people who really understand.

[ksgirl38]

Wow, I'm surprised at that. I would think your family would be more supportive. Everyone does something in their life that they aren't proud of. Maybe my opinion is a little strange to other people, but I don't see bankruptcy as a big of a deal as everyone else does. Sure, it's not something I'm proud of, but with all the unemployment and other financial disasters in recent years it's becoming much more common. I guess you could look at it this way, when they are struggling to pay their bills you'll be starting over fresh without the debt.

[DesdemonaB]

HI Tater

Sorry to hear about the messages - just remember - how people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours.

Just stand up straight, square your shoulders, smile and laugh on the inside as you will be debt free and they wouldn't.

[TheBajan]

Tater,
I'm so sorry to hear what happened! I think you have a great perspective about it all, even though you've been hurt by it. Hold your head up and be better than that. You are a good person and you know better than anyone how much you regret what brought you here. Politely let everyone know it isn't their concern. You haven't asked for help or advice and any unsolicited opinions are both ignorant and arrogant. Feel free to vent to your hearts content.... we're here for that reason.

The Bajan

[keepsmiling]

Wow. So sorry to hear. It really saddens me that people are so bloody judgmental. How dare they??? Do they even have a clue? Are they willing to pay your bills so that you don't have to file???? Nobody gives a rat's patootie when a Trump or a GMAC files, but a regular person.... What nerve. There but for the grace of God and all that...
And someday, the shoe may very well be on the other foot, and these are gonna be the folks who come to you with hat in hand and ask for advice. And you will be the big person about it and send them here

Desdemona, I really like your quote "how people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours. " Excellent.

Well... you can't choose your family, that's why we are here to be your chosen friends So vent away, Tater. We're here for you.

[DeadManCrawling]

Tater,

Have you considered alternatives? If you have already filed, this could be simply an unfortunate coincidence. Once that info goes public, which it always does, there is no telling who will do what. It is possible your family is innocent in this, and someone else saw it published in the newspaper, or was snooping online through filings. There are many sad people in all our lives who take glee in others misery.

Just offering an alternate explanation, and I hope you keep your head high. BK is not at all to be ashamed of, that's just what banks and creditors try to convince people, to keep the unfortunates perpetually in debt-slavery.

[pamkev]

Ah Tater my hearts goes out to you we have told no one as of yet and don't plan to. I'm sure those who are casting those nasty remarks have a few skeletons in there closet that they would not like any one to find out about. Chin up and we are here

[Drazil65]

Tater, so sorry and wish your family was more supportive. Unfortunately this is one of the reasons we choose to tell no one. It is no one's business period. I know as children we tend to think we stil need to update our situations to our parent(s) or perhaps older siblings BUT as adults the decisions are ours. Stop explaining your circumstances, no one can walk in your shoes with the exact same conditions you are experiencing. You owe no one an explanation. I would ask my mom if she told/mentioned it to someone. If she confirms it then express your disappointment and let her know that you will not answer to any one and you want to make it clear that everyone needs to stay out of your business. Then end all conversations regarding your filing, period!

Change your phone numbers if you have to and do not give it out to anyone for the time being, also make sure you have google voice set up for the creditors. You can rise above this and it may mean no talking with your family for a little while until some time has past and things calm down. Good luck!

[jange]

H Tater, sorry to hear you are having problems with your family. I had to include my mom and my aunt (on my husbands side) in our plan. My mom was ok, but she told my sister and she went crazy. We had many many fights and probably took a year before things calmed down. Our relationship is better now, but not like it was before. My aunt has been wonderful and very supportive. We choose not to tell anyone else. good luck it will get better.

[Tater]

Tater,

Have you considered alternatives? If you have already filed, this could be simply an unfortunate coincidence. Once that info goes public, which it always does, there is no telling who will do what. It is possible your family is innocent in this, and someone else saw it published in the newspaper, or was snooping online through filings. There are many sad people in all our lives who take glee in others misery.

Just offering an alternate explanation, and I hope you keep your head high. BK is not at all to be ashamed of, that's just what banks and creditors try to convince people, to keep the unfortunates perpetually in debt-slavery.

No, we haven't filed yet so it had to be my mom. Thanks everyone for the support and I am glad I have my family here to vent to! We had a nice conversation with a family member last night who filed bankruptcy a few years ago and they went through the same thing with my family. If people want to judges us, that is their choice. I'm not going to be spend the better part of my day trying to explain our circumstances away to them. We have faced our reality and made the best business decision for us.

We are truly believer's in the saying, "what comes around, goes around". We are going to try to be the better people and just move on with our lives.

[Tater]

Wow, I'm surprised at that. I would think your family would be more supportive. Everyone does something in their life that they aren't proud of. Maybe my opinion is a little strange to other people, but I don't see bankruptcy as a big of a deal as everyone else does. Sure, it's not something I'm proud of, but with all the unemployment and other financial disasters in recent years it's becoming much more common. I guess you could look at it this way, when they are struggling to pay their bills you'll be starting over fresh without the debt.

My mom has been truly supportive and I don't think it was done with a malicious intention. Some of my family members are very successful and some just pretend to be very successful. Those individuals carry a lot of debt to live their extravagant lifestyles. It could be any time they lose their jobs and won't be able to keep up. I know we couldn't after I lost my job and to be quiet honest, even when I was working. We weren't living extravagant life styles, we made very seriously poor financial mistakes and created more debt because of it.

It's a fresh start for all of us and we aren't ashamed of our decision. It's not going to stop us from filing bankruptcy. A few months from now we will be freed of unsecured debt and we have learned to live on a budget. I was able to sleep like a log last night and start my day enjoying a nice cup of coffee! Next Tuesday, we have our petition appointment with our lawyer and should be filing bankruptcy by the end of next week.

[Pandora]

It's a fresh start for all of us and we aren't ashamed of our decision. ...

and THAT my dear is the best attitude to have, period . Tell all those that are texting you with negative comments if they care to contribute to your bills so you dont have to file, feel free; if not - then to shut the hell up

Worked for us

[chicagoed195]

A similar thing happened to us. I had to include a undocumented loan from my wife's mother, since I couldn't afford for professional licensing reasons to not report the loan. (it is a felony, to not disclose all debt). I told them what we were going through and that ultimately I would make good on the loan, but in the short term I would have to play it by the book. Shortly after we filed, my father -in-law passed away and the relatives saw one of the court mailings and all hell broke loose. I was pretty much called every name in the book including a thief and an addicted gambler (I used to go to Las Vegas once a year to celebrate the New Year arriving -hadn't been there or anywhere else for that matter for over 5 years)

It really hurt my spouse who had been the parent's caregiver for the past 15 years while all of the other family members just sat on their collective asses and did nothing. The relatives alienated mother-in-law and for about a year my wife and her mother were estranged. Things are better now, cause guess what, all of the other siblings have faded into the woodwork and mother - law is alone. My spouse is very guarded about trying to rekindle the same relationship she had in the past and won't visit her mother without someone else present. Stangely enough, because I do some things professionally for her mother, my relationship with the mother has not been as strained.

Perhaps it is because I have always been upfont about all of the issues and I generally call a spade a spade. In several conversations with the siblings, I basically told them what I really thought about them and that regardless of the fact that they became aware our situation, it was actually none of their GD business and to go away and stop stirring up nonsense. My mother-in-law has since come to realize that their motives were not as pure as they made them out to be.

Once you realize that the only people you need to please is you, your spouse and your kids and that what others may think about you is irrelevant in the cosmic scheme of things, life will be much better.

[BeckyK]

I'm sorry you had to go through that. I completely understand. I know bankruptcy is looked at extremely negative in our family even though I know others that have done so in the family. It is pretty much looked at worse than I think committing a crime. Although in our case, something clicked and I learned to put a new spin on it - basically using corporate world wording since we are doing Chapter 13 -- we are just "restructuring our debt" -- no one seems to bat an eye at that phrase.

Hang in there, you know your situation and they don't.

[Tater]

and THAT my dear is the best attitude to have, period . Tell all those that are texting you with negative comments if they care to contribute to your bills so you dont have to file, feel free; if not - then to shut the hell up

Worked for us

I think this will work like a charm!!!