Dealing with family members.

[Indigosage]

You don't have to tell them that you are filing.

They will find out and disown me, which is perfectly fine. Hate is a powerful word, and I hate my parents. I am in a bad situation and found a job in the city they are from so I am staying with them until I can save up money for a rental. I am looking at renting a room for a few hundred dollars a month, and just packing up and leaving one night.

[btbeme]

My opinions often tread the edge of sarcasm; however, I sincerely believe that a LOT of our own Moms and Dads would be significantly better off if they themselves had declared BK just before retiring. Or, declaring BK so they COULD retire.

Anyone else see far too many of our beloved seniors working themselves to death in fast food joints and Wal-Mart checkouts so they can afford to buy groceries?

[Flamingo]

Has anyone had any problems dealing with your family?

We're getting ready to file 7 and let the house go to FC. Our parents are in the late 70's early 80's and they are having a harder time with it than we are. My wife's parents haven't said anything. But mine are flabergasted we would do something like this. I tried all the explanations but they just can't seem to comprehend it. I know they blame us for things like overbuying our house (we really didn't) and extreme debt (which wasn't extreme until my business income got chopped in half) and poor management (I probably could have done better I'm sure).


It irks me though that they are unwilling to be understanding and supportive. I certainly don't need their approval but it would be nice for them not to make us feel guilty.

Anybody else?

To many people (some family included) filing bankruptcy has a certain stigma still attached to it and family members may be bothered that someone in their family filed bankruptcy. That's all normal - your parents are of the older generation when credit was different story than it is now - charge cards really didn't come into existence until the mid-60's or so and many older seniors grew up learning to live on cash and cannot figure out how someone could end up having to file. Unless you are looking for some sort of help or assistance financially from your parents and in-laws, your financial business is your own and really needs no explanation to anyone unless you choose to do so.

[pamkev]

My opinions often tread the edge of sarcasm; however, I sincerely believe that a LOT of our own Moms and Dads would be significantly better off if they themselves had declared BK just before retiring. Or, declaring BK so they COULD retire.

Anyone else see far too many of our beloved seniors working themselves to death in fast food joints and Wal-Mart checkouts so they can afford to buy groceries?

Yes I see many seniors working so they can buy foods or meds and it its a sad things to see the way big phama socks it to those who need the meds to live and the cost is insane

[Drazil65]

They will find out and disown me, which is perfectly fine. Hate is a powerful word, and I hate my parents. I am in a bad situation and found a job in the city they are from so I am staying with them until I can save up money for a rental. I am looking at renting a room for a few hundred dollars a month, and just packing up and leaving one night.

I am so sorry for all your parent issues but if you really have all that emotional stuff going on with the parents then you really should not be staying with them. You seem to have already made up your mind that they will find out and you put yourself right smack in the middle of the war zone. Probably need to move to another place asap and save yourself the stress. Bankruptcy is stressful enough without all this extra stuff. You will have to take extra strides to take care of yourself emotionally and financially to get on that new road to a fresh start. Good Luck!

[Bell30656]

In many ways being away from my family has its advantages. None of my family live close enough to really be that involved in my financial life. I think this distance often helps. Especially when it came to things like my divorce and bankruptcy. They all do know about the divorce, that wasn't easy to hide but the bankruptcy? Nope. As far as anyone knows I simply moved because I wanted a smaller, less expensive house after the divorce.

The only two people that would have been upset would have been my grandfather and my father. My grandfather would have not said much but I'm sure he would have made a few discrete comments about a real man honoring his word. My father would have had that disappointed look on his face and then he would have taken out his checkbook and asked how much I needed to fix it. My grandfather passed away a couple decades ago and my father passed in 2004. So I was spared the embarrassment of being the son who wasn't up to handling his money. Of course, since my bankruptcy was immediately proceeded by a divorce, I'd have already been painted as the black sheep of the family.

[lillymarlene]

I have really not had that much of a problem dealing with my family. My mother has been deceased for over 20 years and my father passed away in 2006. My mother really never knew what was going on with the family finances and my father being horribly in debt, should have filed bankruptcy.

I can understand though, about how some people of the WW II generation, just cannot fathom why anybody would use bankruptcy. My Dad's old bookkeeper, who still works for my brother, no longer speaks to me. Oh well, small loss :-) She was always giving me terrible advice (which I never used) like get a home equity loan and pay off your credit cards, you've got to keep your "good name," etc.

[keepsmiling]

My accountant- who should know better- told me to take money from my 401k to pay my cc's.
Mind you, I am very middle aged and unemployed, with zero hope of ever replacing that money.
Before I found this forum, I would have done just that.

[Tater]

My husband and I are just starting the bankruptcy process but we do not plan on telling our families. They don't have a need to know as we don't owe any of them money. I know my Mom would be unhappy because she doesn't believe in bankruptcy. It's not that we haven't tried to pay our bills, we just can't keep up anymore. We have been struggling for years and after I lost my job last year, things got progressively worse for us. We are doing what's best for us and our future. I view that as our business and no one else needs to know.

[Bell30656]

My grandfather used to tell us about how during the war the railroad that he worked for could not pay the employees. He and all the other railroad workers continued to work for 1/4 of their pay in credit at the company store and 3/4 of their pay in stock which couldn't be cashed in until after the war. He would tell us how in addition to his 10 hour days at the railroad he would mow lawns for the women who had husbands overseas and get paid $1 per yard. My grandmother would take in laundry and ironing to get by.

By the end of the war, they were three years behind on the mortgage even though they paid some each month. When the railroad began paying them full pay again, he took that 3/4ths straight to the banker every week. They continued to live on the 1/4 until the debt was paid off.My grandparents were never wealthy during their lives. My grandfather had already paid the utility bills and the taxes on his home for the next month when he passed. His funeral was paid for. He died owing no one. Actually his railroad stock was worth a fortune but he never cashed it in.

You don't know how many times that story went through my mind as I went through the bankruptcy process. I was actually glad that I didn't have to explain it to any of my family. Is bankruptcy an embarrassment to me? You bet. Thankfully no one sees my credit report.

[davetedge]

Bell, your grandfather's story speaks volumes on how much has changed, and by that I mean the banks and the employers.

Today I can't imagine any bank that has the patience or humanity to wait out 3 years of partial payments, nor any large corporation that makes good on its promises to its employees.

I'm still embarrassed about my need to file but realize that avoiding it is far far worse.

[lillymarlene]

Bell, your grandfather's story speaks volumes on how much has changed, and by that I mean the banks and the employers.

Today I can't imagine any bank that has the patience or humanity to wait out 3 years of partial payments, nor any large corporation that makes good on its promises to its employees.

I'm still embarrassed about my need to file but realize that avoiding it is far far worse.

Ditto. Years ago it was that people, landlords, banks, employers and others just worked with you. Now is just not the case.

[AngelinaCat]

Bell, your grandfather's story speaks volumes on how much has changed, and by that I mean the banks and the employers.

Today I can't imagine any bank that has the patience or humanity to wait out 3 years of partial payments, nor any large corporation that makes good on its promises to its employees.

I'm still embarrassed about my need to file but realize that avoiding it is far far worse.

To give a slightly different take from Lilly's: When I was working at a small Catholic High School more than twenty years ago, I saw my peers complaining about how their adult children were going nuts buying things on credit cards so they could have the nice, fancy stuff that their parents saved for years to buy. They also complained that their kids were not happy in their marriages, etc., and kept buying the 'stuff' to make up for it. They kept trying to caution their kids, only to be laughed at.

I never said anything one way or the other, just kept the eyes open and the mouth shut.

'Hub and I made plenty of our own mistakes about our spending habits, etc.

[Bell30656]

Actually, I think his lender was the Railroad Bank so they were kind of a bit obligated to work with him since they weren't paying him. But I understand what you are saying.