Dealing with family members.

[rs422a]

Has anyone had any problems dealing with your family?

We're getting ready to file 7 and let the house go to FC. Our parents are in the late 70's early 80's and they are having a harder time with it than we are. My wife's parents haven't said anything. But mine are flabergasted we would do something like this. I tried all the explanations but they just can't seem to comprehend it. I know they blame us for things like overbuying our house (we really didn't) and extreme debt (which wasn't extreme until my business income got chopped in half) and poor management (I probably could have done better I'm sure).

It irks me though that they are unwilling to be understanding and supportive. I certainly don't need their approval but it would be nice for them not to make us feel guilty.

Anybody else?

[pamkev]

We have told no one as of yet my parents are gone. I have siblings who I haven't told and don't plan on. My DH mom is alive and we don't plan on telling her. If anyone finds out and asks we will be honest with them. We haven't even told our children and don't know if we will. We have not filed yet in the process of doing that in a few months. Thanks to the people on this board who get it we feel less guilty as time goes on. If many famous people and the likes can do it along with corporations we can also. You are making a good business choice for your family and in the end it is all that matters. Pam

[Drazil65]

Hi, I am sorry you are having a hard time with them. Obviously they come from a different generation that believed that BK was the devil pretty much. This just goes to show you that the banks and the government have been brainwashing this nation along those lines of thinking for a very long time. Isn't it amazing that until the banks had to be on the brink of bankruptcy in 2008 and get help from bailouts (under threats to the nation of course...TBTF) that it actually, suddenly became a different game in their eyes.

We did not deal with anything as far as family goes because we did not tell anyone, no one, it is no ones business, our financial status is absolutely no ones business. We have a house in our hometown that is awaiting foreclosure (surrendered in the chp 7) and a house here (we live in a different state) that we did a pay and stay on but have since discharged have stopped paying the payments and will stay here until we have to leave. Saving the money to rent (which we are so excited about). Our hometown house we just said that our tenant relocated and we have been trying to sell as a short sale, end of story. We did try to sell it as a SS for 6 months with no luck, its underwater.

You may have to just tell them that this is off the table for discussion from this point on and it is your decision to make. You understand the consquences and accept responsibility for your decision. Its a business decision for your family (just like the banks did and big business do every day) end of story. You will have to stop the conversation before it starts since they already know. Good luck!

[Indigosage]

My dad is a VP of a bank and my mother has worked in finance before. Bankruptcy is a four letter word and I know once I file I will be disowned. I know it doesn't help, but know other's have parents that do not understand that when you are bleeding from every orifice you can no longer stand.

[keepsmiling]

Some folks have been pleasantly surprised by others' reactions. You just never know. I thought I was going to get an earful about bad judgment but instead I got bags of groceries
You could try sharing some of the staggering numbers of recent bk's if that might help.
In the end, as with everything, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks when it comes down to your survival. Ya gotta do what ya gotta do. Thankfully we have each other here for strength, encouragement and venting.
((hugs))

[JessMN]

The only reason my family even knew was because I had to list my mom as a creditor so she got a notice. She was annoyed at first but later she was fine and in some ways envied me for getting a "new start". I honestly wouldn't have told her otherwise.

[AngelinaCat]

We're and older couple so both our parents are dead. 'Hub's younger daughter and her hubby were most understanding--in fact they had filed bk themselves. The older daughter and her hubby--not so much. We had to list him as we had borrowed money from him. Otherwise we wouldn't have told them.

[rs422a]

Hi, I am sorry you are having a hard time with them. Obviously they come from a different generation that believed that BK was the devil pretty much.

Yeah I know they think it is world ending. And if you had told me two years I'd be doing it, I would have laughed in your face. But we're in a different time now and i know this is the best thing for us to salvage what we can and start over and move forward.

[jange]

I included my mom and an aunt as creditors otherwise I would not have told our family. My mom has been ok, but of course she told my sister. It has taken 2 years for us to get past it and get any kind of relationship back. My aunt has been wonderful. We didn't tell anyone else as Drazil65 says it really isn't anyone elses business. I don't ask other people about their financial situation a just because we filed bk doesn't mean it is fair game.

[TheBajan]

My father is a tax preparer. BK is just a bad word in his world and I was honestly terrified to let him find out we were filing. I don't care how old you are we all feel like children around our parents. In the end, I had to tell him and rather than judging me as I expected, he was very compassionate. It's almost worse this way because he feels sorry for me and that makes me feel awful. Regardless though of what anyone thought, we had to file. That's the bottom line. Don't let it get to you.

[andy158]

There is a world of difference in the lifestyles of your parent's young lives compared to yours. Life was much simpler then and the cost of living was comparable to the wages then. There is a gross seperation of wages and cost of living now. There was real retierment pensions then, livable social security income for them now and and an overall sense of security back then. You could hold the same job until retirement. Nothing is secure now and a wave of unexpected circumstances could put anyone in the bk boat. Nothing to be ashamed of, just another hurdle in the path.

[AngelinaCat]

We have two Boost Mobile pay-as-you-go phones because we like the walkie-talkie feature. But that is going away and won't be available much longer. The other cell phone we have is a Verizon Samsung that 'Hub's brother bought for us so the two of them could talk, and we have been using that has the 'house phone' because we had to let our land-line go, as we couldn't afford it. The Brother has been paying for this service, but once he has to renew his contract, I don't know what we will do.

[helpmeout]

If I were in your shoes, I would end any conversation with your parents that involved your BK. It's none of their business and you don't have to put up with the disrespect that they are showing you. Set boundaries and enforce them.

[helpmeout]

My dad is a VP of a bank and my mother has worked in finance before. Bankruptcy is a four letter word and I know once I file I will be disowned. I know it doesn't help, but know other's have parents that do not understand that when you are bleeding from every orifice you can no longer stand.

You don't have to tell them that you are filing.

[jst4f]

We told those family members that had a need and not with those that had no need. I won't hide the fact we filed BK but I won't advertise it either, just like the rest of our finances.