Is bankruptcy a bad thing.............

[pamkev]

I have gone and read other debt boards and the main theme to all of them is that bankruptcy is such a bad negative thing and will ruin your life and to do what ever it takes to NOT do it. They advise to get three jobs if you have to and work yourself to death just to get those debts pay. I know in my case I could work 4 jobs and never get it done. I also understand that we did this to ourselves although when I see big CEO and companies do it all the time and our government bail out business's all the time and that is just fine it makes me wonder.
Sorry for the rant I guess I'm just feeling guilty that maybe hubby and I are not doing all we can to solve this problem ourselves. I think we also are feeling guilty over the less stress we have now that we have chosen to go the path we are.

Has anyone else felt like this? Is this a normal feeling?
Pam

[Drazil65]

Pam, feeling guilty in the beginning is normal I think. We have spent out lives being brainwashed into believing that our self worth is tied to our credit score and how many platinum CC we carry. The deeper in debt they could keep us the more control they had. We fell for it and lived it, most of us and for sure probably all of us here. Then when the big banks were in big trouble they pulled the "you cannot let us fail because we will take you all down with us". The interest rates and fees they charge are criminal yet the government still falls for the BS they throw and allows the abuse. They make hard core business decisions and do what it takes to serve themselves and their own (ie: CEO's, shareholders etc).

Pam, you and your family are a business, you are the CEO so to speak, so do what is best for your family business. We are all good people here and most of us have worked very hard most of our lives and that is what we forget sometimes. This is the best decision for alot of us and this is where we are, it is our life and our decision to make. Of course they do not want us to be debt free and live on cash, can you imagine how that would go over if there was this sudden movement to live on cash by the majority? When we live on a cash basis and a simpler life they lose control of us, crazy right? Bankruptcy does not carry the stigma it once did, do not buy into it, do what you know is right for you! You will be ok and I cannot tell you how much less stress there is in our lives now, we have a plan and we are moving forward!

[LadyInTheRed]

Working 4 jobs would ruin my life! Filing BK has improved my life. Yes, it will always be a part of my life and there are some creditors who will never lend to me again. But I can live with that. I don't ever want to get into the kind of debt I was in before any way.

There is a lot of misinformtion about bankruptcy out there. Much of it is perpetuated by the credit industry who would rather see you work the rest of your life to pay off the credit they make a fortune off of. Don't let it get to you.

Fealings of guilt are very common for those about to file BK. Try to remember you are making a business decision, just like the big corporations and their CEOs who file BK. Creditors lend money knowing the risk they are taking. They wouldn't feel guilty turning down your offer to make payments you can afford and instead getting a judgement against you, garnishing your wages and draining your bank accounts while you struggle to put food on the table. Don't feel guilty using the legal tools available to stop them from doing that.

[TheBajan]

Pam,

Completely normal! At least in my case! I'm a member of a couple of forums with the entire goal being to do everything short of suicide to avoid bankruptcy so I know where you've been and what you're talking about! The absolute limbo state.... the stress of trying everything imaginable (legally) to pay our bills.... my husband working 65 hours at his first job and 20 to 30 at his second so we could just stay afloat.... it's insane! All for what? To hold up my head and tell myself I paid my bills. It was devastating to me when October came and I just couldn't make all of the minimum payments. I've gained 50 pounds in the past six months from the stress of this all. Now that we have filed... I feel guilty for having a few extra dollars at the end of the month. Hard earned but still I am so unaccustomed to it that it's a new discomfort. I will be so very glad when our plan is finally confirmed! I can't help feeling like a criminal because as Drazil65 put it... we've been brainwashed into tying our self-worth to our credit worthiness and our possessions.

I fight with guilt still. I play the "what if" game. What if I had done this?... or what if we [my husband and I] had communicated better?... or what if I had been better at investing?... what if I had managed the budget better?... and especially what if I hadn't spent impulsively when I became overwhelmed? At some point there is nothing left to do but give in and remember that we didn't purposely choose to go bankrupt. My husband is a hard worker. We have been responsible, honest contributors to society all of our lives. In the near 22 years of marriage, we've taken one vacation. Sometimes, things happen that really are out of our control. Sometimes... that is even a blessing in disguise. Sometimes we need to learn to stop trying to be in control.

Bankruptcy is a tool. Not one to be abused but one of the few available to truly give us a second chance. Sometimes we need that. Just reading your posts lets me know enough about you to say that I think you would willingly give second chances to people who need it. This time... your the one who needs it. Don't feel bad about that. Take it... learn from it... and count your blessings.

Cheers!

The Bajan

[keepsmiling]

Banks and insurance companies own the world. They get bailed out. They don't want us to use our legal rights to be "bailed out"--- so they beat us down and keep us in line with threats to credit ratings. I kept adding to my debt load out of fear for my rating- borrowing from Peter to pay Paul, as so many did. In the end, I would NEVER be able to work enough hours to make the minimum payments (2K/mo) much less pay off the balances.

Most of us here will tell the same story. As will any number of those "work to death" people when they finally realize they won't make it and wind up having pissed away all their money and declaring bk anyway.

When your eyes are opened to that viewpoint, you will no longer feel guilty... perhaps angry, and rightfully so.

[pamkev]

A HUGE thank you to each of you, you have brought tears to my eyes with what you have posted. It does feel good to be on a budget and knowing I can go in the grocery store and NOT charge it to a cc just so we could have food on the table. I can't thank you all enough and anytime I feel down I will reread your posts. Hugs to all of you. Pam

[AngelinaCat]

Every now and then a troll from one of those other boards will come over here and try to stir up trouble. So we are very watchful.

A common thread through a majority of the posts here, are along the lines of "if I knew then what I know now, I would have filed a lot sooner" and "I can't believe that I waited so long to file."

'Hub and I killed a 401k account, some other retirement instruments, and even sold the land with our family cemetery on it (we moved everyone--but we will never get over the heartache it caused us) trying to stave off filing. And in the end we had to anyway. So we are one of those that can say: "If I knew then, what I know now...."

[TheBajan]

Every now and then a troll from one of those other boards will come over here and try to stir up trouble. So we are very watchful.

A common thread through a majority of the posts here, are along the lines of "if I knew then what I know now, I would have filed a lot sooner" and "I can't believe that I waited so long to file."

'Hub and I killed a 401k account, some other retirement instruments, and even sold the land with our family cemetery on it (we moved everyone--but we will never get over the heartache it caused us) trying to stave off filing. And in the end we had to anyway. So we are one of those that can say: "If I knew then, what I know now...."

+1
We went through $100K in savings over a three year period trying to also and in the end... here we are. I absolutely agree!

[AngelinaCat]

+1
We went through $100K in savings over a three year period trying to also and in the end... here we are. I absolutely agree!

The thing is that NOW we know, all those things that we liquidated or sold, would have been exempt. We never had to lose those retirement funds or sell that property containing the cemetery....

ETA: Furthermore, we had a 100% Capital Gains Tax on the sale of the land. We are STILL paying back the IRS....

[pamkev]

Thank you Bajan and Cat. We came real close to cashing in our retirement funds to get caught up or maybe even get ahead I can see now it never would have happened. My DH said the other day the banks made enough of money off of us they are not getting anymore he's taking this better then me. We thought of doing this a couple times in the past few years but just could not do it because of what we thought was a huge failure on our parts, if I've only listen to that inner voice. I will not stop listening to it now is what I have to keep reminding myself. Pam

[Flamingo]

There is nothing wrong with filing bankruptcy if you have to file bankruptcy. It is a legal option available to those that need it.

Do note, however, and as I have found out, that some folks may be right in some things as bankruptcy never really goes fully away once you file. Time is one's friend after filing but even years beyond discharge, you may feel the sting of your filing - for instance, if you apply for a mortgage or loan with a bank or lender that you included in your filing, or with any associated creditor/lender/company with them. Some places blacklist if you included them in your filing and they will never again lend to you. We are almost six years past discharge and even with a credit score of 836 at Christmas time last year (new car purchase), although we received several offers for financing, we were denied by a bank who purchased a bank we included in our filing and the reason was that we had previously discharged debt with them.

Otherwise, life does go on and your financial future is what you make it.

[bcohen]

Bankruptcy is neither "good" nor "bad". It is a tool, which exists in order to be used when circumstances warrant it. In fact, the Bankruptcy Code was invented so that entrepreneurs could file for relief from crippling debts caused by a failed business. In fact, many famous people have had to file for bankruptcy due to business or career failure, and there's nothing "wrong" or "digraceful" about that.

[pamkev]

Bankruptcy is neither "good" nor "bad". It is a tool, which exists in order to be used when circumstances warrant it. In fact, the Bankruptcy Code was invented so that entrepreneurs could file for relief from crippling debts caused by a failed business. In fact, many famous people have had to file for bankruptcy due to business or career failure, and there's nothing "wrong" or "digraceful" about that.

I never knew why it was invented but that make sense. I am aware of the many famous people who have filed and your right nothing wrong or disgraceful about that. Pam

[kornellred]

Bankruptcy is not in any way a "bad" thing. Getting into serious debt is a "bad" thing. Some arrive at that condition through their own conscious decisions, and others find themselves in financial trouble due to circumstances beyond their control.
Bankruptcy involves tough lessons in spending discipline and perhaps the forfeiture of the very best wishes of your relatives and friends, but that is their problem - no reason to make it yours.

[jst4f]

For us it became a business decision and the best one we have made in some time. We have a contractual obligation to the banks and CCs but a moral obligation to our family and ourselves. Yep should have done it sooner.