Emotional toll of BK?

[JessMN]

As one just starting this process our emotions have been all over the place. We lived for years under stress trying to stay ahead of the game it just didn't work until I said to my hubby we must think of bankruptcy which was not easy as we are hard working people who always paid there bills we are so ashamed and hope no one finds out and our debating whether to tell our adult kids or not. We saw lawyers this past week and it's looking pretty good to be file a chapter 7 and my husband said you know this might be less stressful than worry how we were gonna make ends meet and he could be right

He is absolutely right!

[basketsbears]

I am so ready to file. We will file this summer as my husband's stipend will stop then. I had said something to him about maybe we should wait until end of summer, and he said "NO!, I cannot take the endless phone calls", etc - and that's with many of the calls going to google voice.

I just feel like we are in limbo. We are filing a 7, hopefully will be able to keep it a 7.

[Slingerland]

The emotional toll can be VERY high if the couple are at odds with each other. My wife and I are both at fault for the debt we've piled up. My attorney and I are working out a solo C-13 that will fix all the problems. My wife will not have to file. BUT... now she considers me a failure, and has become mean and withdrawn emotinoally. And in the meantime, she cannot make her monthly payments on her car and credit card debt. And ANY repair or emergency has to come out of my pocket.

[pamkev]

The emotional toll can be VERY high if the couple are at odds with each other. My wife and I are both at fault for the debt we've piled up. My attorney and I are working out a solo C-13 that will fix all the problems. My wife will not have to file. BUT... now she considers me a failure, and has become mean and withdrawn emotinoally. And in the meantime, she cannot make her monthly payments on her car and credit card debt. And ANY repair or emergency has to come out of my pocket.

So far we are getting along and no fault blaming as we are both equal or more so me than him to blame although he has his issues also. I told the one lawyer she should open up a side business and after the BK do divorces for the couples who do not survive
Pam

[Drazil65]

If you put a BK plan in place, set a goal and put all your ducks in a row leading up to the filing you will not believe how much of the stress will be gone! As someone else pointed out above, you live so long with the stress of trying to make it and robbing peter to pay paul etc, it is so much better. With a plan and preparation you get some control back, you have attainable goals for the first time in a long time, its such a relief! Keep it in mind that your family finances are a business, treat it as such, there are so many big business people that would have never gone as far as most of us have in order to pay creditors. It was never good financial sense for us to go as far as we did to pay creditors which for us put us at the bankrupt point (all this for someone else, for creditors).

This is your personal business, no one else (unless you need to list them as a creditor) needs to know, really they do not, you owe no one an explanation. Work as a team whether or not you are both filing (I did not file only DH as everything pretty much in his name), set those goals and milestones and gain some control back into your life, its so worth it!

[pamkev]

If you put a BK plan in place, set a goal and put all your ducks in a row leading up to the filing you will not believe how much of the stress will be gone! As someone else pointed out above, you live so long with the stress of trying to make it and robbing peter to pay paul etc, it is so much better. With a plan and preparation you get some control back, you have attainable goals for the first time in a long time, its such a relief! Keep it in mind that your family finances are a business, treat it as such, there are so many big business people that would have never gone as far as most of us have in order to pay creditors. It was never good financial sense for us to go as far as we did to pay creditors which for us put us at the bankrupt point (all this for someone else, for creditors).

This is your personal business, no one else (unless you need to list them as a creditor) needs to know, really they do not, you owe no one an explanation. Work as a team whether or not you are both filing (I did not file only DH as everything pretty much in his name), set those goals and milestones and gain some control back into your life, its so worth it!

Thank you so much for such a great post and you are so right a business never would have gone as far as most of us do just to pay bills

[Toriboo]

It is amazing the amount of stress that can be lifted from filing. Not worrying about what to tell the collectors when they call, not trying to decide who to pay. Just make sure you have a good budget when it is all done and stick to it, and if both of you are on the same page that is a plus. YOU can decide who to tell, or not. Think about it...how much do you really know about your friends/relatives finances? If the answer is nothing, they probably don't need to know about yours either. I have noticed that since the economy has been getting bad, more and more often my friends and I find ourselves talking about finances debating pros and cons about how to handle personal finances. This was something that never happened until recently. Either it is getting less taboo, or there are way more people dealing with it then ever before or maybe a bit of both.

[lillymarlene]

I am 16/48 months in, and it is so much less stressful than constantly dodging creditors, playing the balance transfer game, etc. Sometimes, I'm reminded of how bad things were.

A friend and I were discussing somebody that was being harassed over a small medical bill. My friend said, that if it was her, she would simply pay them $10 per month, and tell them that's all they're going to get. I had to tell her, that usually doesn't work anymore, especially if the person has any property. How sometimes a creditor won't hesistate to haul you into court to try and take what little left you might have...

So now I am just grateful for my repayment plan of a chapter 13.