Emotional toll of BK?

[basketsbears]

Hi,

I am sure I am not alone in this, but I feel so very sad about having to file BK. We had had everything planned out, would be debt free (except for house) no later than 2015, and figured we were doing pretty well.

Then with rental home, mortgage at 9%+ interest, we were losing money renting it out and had renters that were not consistent with payments. (At this point, probably pot calling kettle black). DH could not get anything worked out with BOA, and at first we thought he would file by himself, but I had more unsecured credit so all attorneys feel it was overall in best interest to file joint.

I know as a business decision it is the best for us. It just is so sad to me to be in this position. I cannot wait to file this summer. I feel like we are in limbo.

Thanks for listening.

[Fargo]

Hi basketbears,

I can relate! My hubby and I haven't file yet but we are going to retain an attorney next week. I had a restless night last night because I just stopped paying our unsecured debt. I went through all kind of emotions, mainly feeling like a failure. I came on the forum this morning and read a very positive post that brightened my day. I am just grateful we have somewhere to come to vent as well as learn from those who went before us. I guess it's good to look at this as a business decision as you said. All we can do is take this day by day. I just want you know that you aren't alone.

[Drazil65]

Yes moments of sadness and moments of "I cant wait to get this over with". The emotions run all over the place especially in the beginning when we first stopped paying unsecured debt. Had to spend some time talking it out between us and after filing we are settled in a calm and a peace about the whole thing. We know in our hearts we did not do anything intentional and we did our best to make sure the creditors were always taken care of to the point of bankruptcy. Big lessons learned and a new normal in place, we are very grateful and feel blessed that we have a chance to start over. Funny thing is we are happy it happened, cash is a good feeling and puts the wants and needs in perspective. Its almost like we were let in on a little secret about life and are so much better for it. Its all good!

[basketsbears]

Thanks both of you for the support. I know we will be better off, at times I just feel so bad about it.

I, too, cannot wait to be on "cash" basis, although, we we haven't charged on credit cards for over two years - so we had been doing that. Although, I have a ton of student loans (ugh!).

Thanks again. It is great to come here for support!

[ValleYum]

Bears!!!!!!

You are being so, SO hard on yourself, lady!!! You didn't do anything wrong. You really didn't.

You aren't a measure of your credit score. Your human value is much higher than any of those could register anyway.

{{{}}} <-- Big hugs - from someone who was counting down her 60 days only one year ago.

[basketsbears]

Thanks so much! I really needed that.

Bears!!!!!!

You are being so, SO hard on yourself, lady!!! You didn't do anything wrong. You really didn't.

You aren't a measure of your credit score. Your human value is much higher than any of those could register anyway.

{{{}}} <-- Big hugs - from someone who was counting down her 60 days only one year ago.

[lotsahats]

Oh, Bears!!!!

(((((HUGS)))))

We all feel ya.

[karm43]

I feel the same way but filed today and funny thing is my phone didn't ring today hmmm. I feel guilty too but I will be out of debt in 5 years. I hope nothing goes wrong you see i'm still worrying. We all have these days!! Either way I learned alot of lessons. I just keep telling myself i am not the only one.

[basketsbears]

Thanks everyone. It is so great to have you all for support.

[jange]

basketbears, I think we all felt the same way. You will feel a lot better once you actually file and things start to proceed forward. I to had stopped using credit cards long before we filed so the move to cash only wasn't a big deal.

We are now starting year 3 of our plan, time has just flown by. I feel very good about our future and that we actually have a future. Before I felt like we would have to work until we died, because I never would have been out of debt.
Now my husband plans on retiring after our plan ends. I still have a few more years to work, but I will be able to continue to put money away and retirement is looking good.


Hang in there it does get better.

[NoMoreCards]

I completely agree with the other posters, we have all gone through the emotional side in some respect. However this site, and talking with a few very close friends opened my eyes. I recommend BK now!! I have seen too many good people struggle and struggle to try to keep food on the table each night.

In hindsite, BK was the best financial move I could have made. I have made changes in every part of my life because of it, and I feel my life is much richer now. My yard is smaller, but the grass sure is greener!! I have learned a lesson to last a lifetime. I will retire some day, and my entire future looks better.

[basketsbears]

Thank you all!

I think I will feel better once we file. I, too, am thankful to have this "fresh start" when all is over.

Thanks again for all the support!

[nohoneymoney]

It is perfectly normal to have these emotional ups and downs. We were all over the emotional landscape and took almost 6 months after realizing we were bankrupted before we could focus on starting the planning a filing process. Before that we spent almost two years fighting with the banks to get help with nothing to show for it but a deeper financial hole. I think it is fair to say that almost all of the people on this site have been too hard on themselves before filing and very relieved post discharge. Filing will change that light at the end of the tunnel from an oncoming train wreck to daylight. You are going to be fine.

[JessMN]

I posted this a few weeks ago - you are NOT alone!

[lorelei]

It can be a huge emotional toll, especially, I think, when you're first coming to terms with it. I think a large part of society wants you to feel guilty. It's one of the ways consumers are pressured into staying on the credit treadmill instead of stepping off of it. If contemplating bankruptcy makes you feel like a failure, they win. If credit collectors on the phone can badger away your self-esteem until you'll do anything to make them stop, they win.

Please don't buy into that.

Consider how businesses approach bankruptcy: A business decision. If that's all it is to them, that's all it should be to any of us.

You may be going bankrupt, but that doesn't make you a failure. How much else are you in life besides a credit score and bank statement? Are you a parent? A spouse? A son or daughter? Are you involved in your church or community organization? Do you volunteer, even if that means helping out elderly or ill neighbors who need help shoveling their sidewalk or mowing their lawn? Do you offer a kind word to someone you see struggling? Allow someone to merge into your lane of traffic when they need to? And on and on. It's all these things we do, acts great and small, that make us who we are. Money is really the worst measure of human worth there is.