Creditor calls to family and friends-anyone ever use identity theft as an excuse?

[Diesel73L]

So far my default has been going ok-the OCs are calling the GV number non-stop, but I'm not sure how long that will last. I got a letter the other day from Chase urging me to "preserve my good credit score," but to my knowledge they haven't gone looking elsewhere for me. I have no intention of telling my parents or any other relatives what is going on. Not that they would judge me, but they're worry worts and would immediately believe that our (me, my wife, and daughter) lives would be over as a result of BK, etc...I don't feel like going through the drama and explaining things to them. Same with friends and co-workers-some would likely judge, but only because they don't understand BK and have the same warped ideas about credit that I once had. In any event, has anyone just attempted to explain away creditor calls to family and friends as identity theft (ie: someone stole your identity, got a bunch of cards, charged them up, and left you with the bill)? It seems to happen all the time these days and would be plausible? I know that a lot of folks stress over others finding out/knowing that they're going through BK and/or just not paying their creditors. Seems like an easy way to placate nosy Nancies

[panda]

This is kind of a sticky point that some do not understand, but these are our shoes we are walking in, and we do what we feel necessary, for us, and not others. For me, I never wanted my mom or brother to know about what was going on, but had never told them anything in years anyway. But... about 20 or 30 years ago my mom and dad had me on there checking account, and I needed to make sure I was not on the account any longer...so I asked my mom to check her account to make double sure I was not on there, and told her we were having issues with our social security numbers being compromised, which was something that was plausible due to a loss of information on my husbands retirement funds that had happened to a group of his fellow retired people, and it happened in the area where my mom lived.

Anyway, a small lie, for my benefit, that still makes me feel bad, but more so because I do not have the type of relationship with my mom and brother that I wish was different, but such is life. On the other hand I did inform my sister of some of the issues we were going through, and she was having the same experiences, so sometimes we learn things from other family members that we would not normally know, unless we discuss some of these things with them. We respected each other enough to trust the information was not going any further, and were able to commiserate with each other, which helped a lot.

[angles]

About 20 years ago my wife co-signed for a “good friend” who signed up for a gym membership. That friend stopped paying and the calls started. I was a stay at home student then so I fielded the calls (no caller ID). They went through several CAs and lots of calls before I finally told the last one that my wife had died. It seemed to work, as we did not get any more calls on it. The membership debt was for only $400, and of course she does not co-sign for anyone anymore.

[OhioFiler]

Sure, lie to your family and friends. Why not?

[Diesel73L]

Sure, lie to your family and friends. Why not?

So do you bring up your BK filing over dinner with family and friends often? How about co-workers? Your boss?

[Nofilb]

Diesel - I had an old work number listed on one of my credit cards and when the creditor started calling, they called my old work number. The person who had that number was a friend of mine and she told me she was getting lots of calls. I ended up calling the creditor and told them I couldn't get calls at work and the number they had was wrong. As for my co-worker, I just told her I was having issues with ID theft and she bought it. It's so embarrasing but it worked. The creditor stopped calling her finally and I seemingly saved some dignity!

[panda]

Sure, lie to your family and friends. Why not?

Ah, cripes I knew it, someone always has to say something nasty about what they think could be done better because of how they view things. In my old life I thought all bankruptcy people were con artists and junkies, guess I am now one of those and should tell my family just what kind of junkie I am to make others feel better about what I tell my family....NOT.

My brother is a liar and cheater who sleeps with women who sell their bodies for drugs, that is honest, and I would not tell him anything about my life...ever, and my mother is an angel who just does not understand anything like this...and she is almost eighty, so why on earth would I burden her with what has happened to us, she would have sold everything she owned and went into debt to help us, but this is not, nor has ever been her problem and I refuse to have her feel like dog poo because I would refuse her help.

But hey, we can't all be good honest folks, like those other bankruptcy junkies who share with friends and family . I think those that feel everyone needs to know what is happening in their life, and lecture us on not sharing , should tell us their real names so we can call their friends and family for an honest discussion, as well as post it all over the internet, that way we can make sure they honestly share the truth with all.

Sometimes we don't want or need to share everything in our lives. I think it tends to make people feel better to get everything off their chest, to the detriment of others. So share and make yourself feel better, or do like I do and don't share and still feel some pain and remorse with what happed. I assure my remembering makes me sure I won't willingly ever go down this path again, and I have not needlessly brought the rest of my family into something that is none of their concern, nor something they could have done anything about.

That's my two cents for today.

[Diesel73L]

I have not needlessly brought the rest of my family into something that is none of their concern, nor something they could have done anything about.

Thanks for that post-I wanted to highlight that last part because it's so important. Perhaps lying about the BK to family, friends, and co-workers would be wrong if it actually affected them in some way, but it doesn't. I don't owe them any money and have no financial ties to them. The whole reason I brought this up is because if it was up to me I would simply keep this to myself. Unfortunately its not up to me since creditors are fond of harassing anyone who has a connection to a debtor, therefore necessitating an alternative plan.

[OhioFiler]

So do you bring up your BK filing over dinner with family and friends often? How about co-workers? Your boss?

Well, I did explain it to my boss when we first decided to file. Primarily to let him know I was going to spend a couple months not working to hard for commissions.

Otherwise, I didn't bring it up to anyone else in my family or to my friends as it's none of their business. Had they asked I would have been honest.

I'm like the honey badger, I don't give a shit (Look here!) what others do but I feel strongly about not lying to those I am close to so I would not lie to my family or friends. You can do as you please.

[Drazil65]

Our creditors were also calling GV (probably 15 to 20 times a day) before we filed (for about 5 or 6 months straight) BUT none of them ventured beyond GV. We had all the big ones, Chase, BOA, Citi etc, they all sent letter to us. We also did not let anyone know what was going on in the family or anyone else for that matter. This decision is all about us and only us. Did not want the lectures, advice or worry worts to start in. We are grown adults and these are the consequences to our choices in the last few years. Has nothing to do with them. I guess I am of the mind that if they were to somehow call someone outside of the GV number then I would deal with it BUT I am pretty sure I would say very little about the situation (would tell that person what I needed to say to slightly explain the call to them) and under no circumstances would I get into the BK. Its all about us and our personal decisions for what is best for our family. Call it what you want but its my business.

[SweetGeorgia]

OhioFiler, I loooove that video and WILL NOT click because then the next hour of my life will be lost to laughing and snorting!

As to the original question, I guess it's a two-parter. I had one creditor actually call relatives of mine who live very nearby. I don't know if they were called because they were neighbors, or because they were relatives. I think it was the only time that happened, and I didn't really have to explain anything. (But I would have used the ID theft line if I'd thought about it, because we're not close to these people).

I ended up sending certified letters to all the creditors saying: "This is my address. This is a phone number you may use (similar to GV). The cell phone number you have for me is correct, but I have a family member in the hospital so please don't call me on the cell phone."

That was pretty effective; they knew I wasn't trying to dodge them.

As to the larger question of whether to tell people about your financial troubles/bankruptcy/foreclosure/whatever - early on I was a big advocate of talking about it. I thought that when People Like Us (responsible, respectable, educated) started talking about this traditionally shameful thing, that we could help diminish the shame experienced by others. I still think that's true, but I also think my candor about bankruptcy is a function of my social status, etc. People already had a pretty good opinion of me, deserved or not. I could afford to lose a few points.

Honey badger don't care, but that's because honey badger is a badass.

In other words, I talk because I can. It doesn't cost me anything. But other people just can't afford it and I will not judge them for wanting to keep their privacy.

I have thought more than once that it's like "coming out of the closet." So many prominent gay people have, and now almost everyone knows someone who is gay - and I think the country has grown more accepting as a result. But being "out" is not safe for everyone, and I can't blame them for keeping quiet.

[mountanddo]

Well, I did explain it to my boss when we first decided to file. Primarily to let him know I was going to spend a couple months not working to hard for commissions.

My boss would be the last person I would be divulging this information to. I certainly wouldn't tell them "oh BTW, I'm not going to working too hard for you for the next couple of months cause I'm filing bankruptcy. I hope that's OK with you". You must have some special relationship with your boss because my boss would certainly tell me that they don't need me anymore then.

Diesel, you need to do what you think is best. If the alternative to the truth is better for you than telling them the real reason creditors are contacting them works for you then that is your decision. I find that most people that come up with stories before they are needed aren't really very good liars to begin with though. Why not just say you are going through some financial trouble right now and you are dealing with it and thank you for your concern. There really is no need to bring up the subject of bankruptcy with anyone that doesn't need to know. Unless they are running your credit or are looking up bankruptcy paperwork for fun they most likely won't even find out about it. As far as I know, my creditors didn't attempt to contact anyone I knew. I'm not really sure how they would know who my "friends" are so I wouldn't worry about that. I wouldn't worry about something that may never happen.

[dman]

Fact: If everyone were more open about bankruptcy, society's opinion of it (and of those who file) will be better (overall).

Fact: It's easy to say "go tell everyone the truth", but this is the real world. Things aren't that easy.

Fact: If everyone were more open about bankruptcy, and society was more accepting...well, creditors would get really nervous and lobby Congress to pass even STRICTER laws regarding bk. So maybe it's really not all that bad?

[HHM]

Not every family is perfect, but family is/should be your support. Bankruptcy (or financial distress) is only second in emotional reaction to being diagnosed with a terminal illness, your first stop should be your family...don't hide it.

Generally, the problem is ONLY in the head of the debtor. It is generally an issue related to fear of being perceived as a failure, and it is just that, a "perception", get over it.

Plus, I doubt your family is stupid, what do you think these collection agencies are really saying. So by lying to your family, you are only making things worse. It's like you're a teenager and your parents find the bag of weed under your bed, and when confronted, you say, "I don't know."

[dman]

....your first stop should be your family...don't hide it.

Generally, the problem is ONLY in the head of the debtor. It is generally an issue related to fear of being perceived as a failure, and it is just that, a "perception", get over it.

Your family is definitely different than mine. Ask me how I know.