The Emotional Timeline of Bankruptcy

[JessMN]

My sister told me last night they are 98% sure they are going to file bk in a few months. Her acceptance of filing made me think about my own emotional journey and how I went through very similar "stages" as my sister. I guess I'm curious what everyone else's experience was.

My experience:
-In the middle of my financial crisis: Stress, depression, anger at my ex for getting me into this mess
-First thoughts of bk: apprehension, worry, shame, guilt
-As I got "used" to the idea: "seeing a light at the end of the tunnel", still stressed and a bit shameful.
- Made the decision to file (this is the stage my sister is in): Some relief, but some apprehension that I was going to do something wrong or that the judge would laugh me out of court (yes I get a little dramatic). I had some circumstances that I was worried about.
-Met with the lawyer: Feeling better - I was doing something! The calls would stop once I filed! Still a little worried.
-Filed: Felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders! Well, except I still had to tell my mom, since I owed her money and she was included in the filing.
-After my 341: felt even better - the worry and apprehension was gone. Yes I still had 60 days, but the 341 went really well and the issues I was worried about were not really issues at all.
- Discharge: Ahhhhh.... new life.

It is now 5 months post discharge. I've started opening up about my experience. There are still less than a handful of people who know I filed bk, but frankly I came to realize its nothing to be ashamed about and while I won't advertise the fact, if my experience can help someone I have no issue talking about it (my sister and I talk a LOT - I honestly don't even thing she would have made the decision to file if I hadn't done it already - she had been talking about credit counseling though). I have a new (used) car, 2 starter credit cards and a new lease on life. I've lost 8 of the 30 "stress pounds" I've gained and feel like I can focus on myself now. The last 2 years I have done nothing but neglect myself. My daughter is happier - well as happy as a 13 year old can be lol (kids can sense stress) and I am back to the old me.

Please feel free to share your experience.

[Drazil65]

Yeah, ours is pretty close to yours as well. Lots of stress and sleepless nights breaking our backs (and our bank accounts) trying to figure out how to pay our bills, mortgage, car etc. Husband was in 2nd layoff in less than a year so stress was a regular in our house during that time (late 2009). It continued into 2010 and after husband took his 3rd temporary job out of town (commuted on weekends) we decided to bite the bullet and he went back to school full time in an excelerated program. While we were excited about the new career I had to get a full time position (had been working part time prior to this as our son was very young). Got the full time job BUT had to add daycare to our list of creditors so who knows if we were ever going to break even. This was mid 2010, husband started school and clinicals fall 2010, straight through the next summer and then this year, full time. Of course he already had a 4 yr degree so no financial aid for us, yes unfortunately we had no choice but to get a student loan for school.

Mid 2011 we realized that things were so overwelming for us (husband working part time 20 hours a week in addition to 16 credit hours for this program each semester and clinicals overnite 2 x's a week), we knew we had to do something. So we went to several free consults, decided that husband would file as everything in his name (2 houses one out of state, 2 cars and 30K in CC). We felt better just talking about it with the attorneys. Filed the end of 2011 and in the 60 day club as we speak. Husband graduates in May. He has worked so hard, we have worked so had as a family. But its the good kind of hard work, towards a goal!

We look back during that time and realize that we put the creditors ahead of our family needs during a very rough time, lost sleep over it, unbelievable! We went through our entire savings to pay them as well as used other credit on top of it to make ends meet. This has been the biggest teaching moment of our lives!

[lotsahats]

I often liken it to the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

[AngelinaCat]

I often liken it to the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Actually it is the five stages of DEATH as defined by Elisabeth Kubler:Ross:
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Let me tell you from first hand experience, all of those emotions can and DO occur at the same time. Often you are feeling several of these at the same time. If you are wise you will take some time to sit down with yourself and sort your emotions and feelings--NOT necessarily the SAME things--I cannot explain it, except I've been there.

You Must work with your inner self about all of these issues. What may seem to work one day, may not be the best solution the next.

Also, if you tend to have nightmares, as I do, you MUST get some third party objective counseling, OR be very aware of what is going on in your mind and life, in order to be able to handle it without 'freaking out'. That scenario does absolutely no one any good at all.

[AbbeyA]

With AngelinaCat's post above -- talking about nightmares .... I feel the need to share this.

The night before our bk was discharged, I had a dream that I was driving down the road and in front of me was a huge tornado. I knew I needed to seek shelter and I was suddenly in a mall with several other people. We were all looking out this entire wall of windows at the tornado off in the distance. It was pink, red, black, gray, yellow, blue -- all sorts of colors blended within this tornado. It was coming right toward us, yet none of us could move away from the windows b/c we were too mesmerized by the twisting, turning, colorful monster in front of us. It came toward us/me in slow motion, and then when it was right in front of the glass wall of windows, it suddenly became a thin, colorful rope that fell to the ground. While on the ground, the "rope" looked kind of like a live wire, writhing around -- with flashes of light going through it. In my dream state, I clearly recognized that this was a complete parallel to my life at the time. The tornado that was our lives was finally dying down. With it falling to the ground, it was clear that it was almost over. The writhing around and "live wire" look of it with light flashes/sparks indicated to me that there were still some issues that needed to be worked out/bumps in the road ahead of us - yet the worst of it was over.

The next day was July 1st 2010. It was the last day for our creditors to object to discharge. Our discharge had been postponed 3 times by one particular creditor that was very viscious in their actions. Needless to say, our attorney fully expected that this creditor would do something outrageous to try and drag it out further. I checked pacer every hour throughout the day to see if there was anything filed. 5pm came and went and there was nothing new on pacer. DH and I nervously smiled, entirely hopeful that this was finally over. We decided to order take-out that evening to softly celebrate. I went to pick it up around 7:30 pm that evening and the sun was setting. On my way out of the strip mall to head home after picking up the food, I happened to look up into the sky ahead of me. Right before my eyes, in the clouds, was a long "rope" of clouds that were in a horizontal line. They looked like they were softly and gently moving, changing colors right before my eyes. There were a few flashes of light that were sweeping out of some areas, all intertwined with the most beautiful of colors -- orange, white, red, pink, grey, blue. It was the tornado rope in my dream. It was Him telling me that things were OK, we were going to be OK. On the morning of July 2nd, my check on pacer around 11am showed that we had been discharged. I still have chills thinking of this dream experience. I really lost a lot of faith in humanity and the goodness of life throughout our journey. This experience was a renewal for me.

I guess I just want to say to anyone going through it -- stay strong, it will change, it will get better. I am incredibly thankful to be on the other side of our experience, but I will never forget the bewilderment and terror of being in that experience.

[AngelinaCat]

AbbeyA -- Wow! What an experience... Thank you for sharing. I know that you have helped many people tonight, myself included. Thanks!

[JessMN]

Thank you everyone for sharing - this is kind of like our own therapy session!

[nohoneymoney]

We went through a similar process, see our original post.

http://www.bkforum.com/showthread.ph...018#post544018

Bottom line is that we are very glad we filed, best business decision we have made in a while, and life has gotten a lot better. I wonder what the five stages of happy/relief are?

[duphman]

Same story here, however we tried to do it "their way", 0 balance transfers, would get denied after the CC's lowered limits, which shot utilization ratios thru the roof. Funny, after we filed, AMEX suddenly wanted to offer zero percent for 6 mo, then 6% for the remaining. If they had offered this before we filed, we never would've filed. I say to this day that AMEX was the one that pushed me to the decision to file........discharged since Dec 11, did "stay and pay" on house/car, have one CC [cap one, 2K unsecured], no looking back, and people still talk to us!!