Daughter's October wedding????

[basketsbears]

I don't know what to do. When my oldest daughter married, we gave her $5000 for wedding. My youngest gets married in October, of course, I don't have the money now but what do I do? We probably won't be able to file till April, not sure 7 or 13 yet.

Is there away to to be able to pay my part of her wedding?

Thanks, I know the big picture it is small, but I want to do right by my daughter.

[keepsmiling]

Don't you think it's best to be straight with your kids?
I am sure they will understand.
Better sooner rather than later in case she is counting on your help to pay for the wedding.
If and when things get better, you will make it up to her then.

[JackBondLove]

I'm sure the trustee would consider the wedding party to be a transfer to a family member. Just because you were solvent enough to give cash to one child does not give you the same cash to another children when you are insolvent. You can promise to give the younger daughter $5K after you have gone through BK - or give it to her when you planned, confess it to the trustee, and be prepared to somehow pay it to the trustee per his schedule. Do you have an IRA you could break? (Don't break it before BK, only after to pay off the trustee!)

[basketsbears]

Actually I wasn't going to give a lump sum, but pay for things as we go, but not to exceed that amount. All I have given so far has been $350 towards dress and reception hall.

Thanks for advice.

[Drazil65]

I think I would be honest with my daughter if it were me. Have a one on one with her and even if you don't give the details I would let her know that this is a very tough year financially and although you would love to help more you can only give her what little you can as you go, if you can. Let her know that things will be much better in the near future and even though the wedding may not be the event you can give what you want you reserve the right to give to her in the future for "other" big events (ie; towards house down payment, 529 acct for future grandchild, downpayment on car) you get the picture. She may actually like the "future" gift better who knows. Take care of your own financial house before you think about doing for others during this time, it will serve you (and probably the rest of the family) much better.

[basketsbears]

Thank you so much. I have talked with her about some of the money difficulties. Both my daughters know that we are talking with an attorney to figure out best thing to do as our rental home will be foreclosed on. They both know we are meeting again with attorney next Thursday. We will be retaining attorney at that time, and hopefully will have more of a game plan so I can then tell my daughter what I can and cannot do.

Thanks again.

[spidge]

Sorry to hear of your troubles, but sounds like you raised some good kids who are willing to be flexible and understanding.

[ValleYum]

Miss Bears? Gosh this is one of those times in your life where you never want to hear the word 'budget' isn't it?

But a nicer word than 'budget wedding' is an 'intimate wedding'.

My daughter got married in May. I chose expenses and responsibilities where my 'sweat equity' made my small cash contributions look much larger than they were. Sometimes it involved lots of research into finding the lowest price for an item, tying 100 bows onto the invites myself (remember the bows add $$ to the postage costs! LOL) and running the invitation envelopes through my printer rather than paying for calligraphy - I spent $5 for 20 extra outer envelopes so I had couple of spares in case my template did not work, trading a Quickbooks set up for silk flower arranging and watching sales at Joann's, Michael's and HobbyLobby like it was my job to get the glassware for the candy bar and vases.

Does the reception hall fee cover chairs, table and linens? It was cheaper for us to BUY the linens at some place online than to rent them. Buy=$4 Rental=$12 Now my daughter rents the ones we bought to friends for parties and barbeques. LOL Chairs were expensive to rent as our venue did not offer them.

If you are in a 7 you should be finished in time to save a little bit of $$ for your participation. I have a binder with lots of the places we ordered stuff from if you need any info. Feel free to send a PM.

This is one of those sucks to be a parent times...BUT I have to say my daughter handled my restricted budget easily and with much grace, too. I just told her the truth - we were broke and had to file a BK in order to handle all of the loose ends and I just couldn't do more than XX amount and also attend the wedding. Your daughter sounds as though she will be the same way as mine was.

{{{hugs}}} I am thinking of you...