Whoever came up with the idea and made this web site a reality, and for the many who contribute with so many insightful answers, I want to say “thank you!” I’ve spent so much time reading the many questions and answers throughout the entire ‘Before the Discharge’ section of this forum. I feel I might pass the Bar, at least the bankruptcy portion, if I were so inclined 
. I have not needed to post or start a thread up to this point because others have asked so many of the questions, which in the beginning, I was too emotional to consider or think about at the time. I truly believe that taking the emotion out of the equation (advice I got here), whenever and wherever possible, has allowed me to better prepare myself for an actual filing.
Don’t get me wrong, I certainly made some mistakes along the way, but those mistakes have been limited or nonexistent since finding this site. For instance, cashing in a 401k, I wish I had never done that. This merely bought me some time before the inevitable. I don’t recommend anyone doing that unless you know for certain the time it buys you will resolve the real problem - how to cover your bills. A second mistake, while nowhere near as costly as cashing in a 401k fund and taking the penalties, was paying taxes out of pocket on property tied to a HELOC. I spent nearly $1200 on those taxes thinking that when I actually have to file bankruptcy I would still owe that money to the government upon discharge. This site taught me different; of course (Property taxes are tied to the property, and since I will lose that property the taxes would have been taken care of someone other than me). Now that I am so close to actually filing I see how important that money would be had I had it available post bankruptcy. And that is where my focus is right now; putting my family in the best possible financial position so when I eventually get discharged I can start fresh and limit the opportunity of something like this ever again happening in the future.
In order to start fresh, in my estimation I will have to come up with quite a sum of money. First and last month’s rent, possibly a security deposit too, moving costs, utilities hook up and incidentals. On top of that I can easily see the need to either make costly repairs (transmission) on a ten year old second vehicle, or be prepared to have the cash to purchase outright a reliable second hand car so my wife can get our smaller children back and forth to school from an apartment which most likely will be well out of range for bus pickup. I will attempt to stay in this home until at least September so the children return to the same school for one more year. The school is great and they have friends there. I know kids are a lot more resilient then some parents give them credit but losing the only home they have ever known and moving to a new neighborhood can be scary, so if I can forgo the added problems associated with attending a new school this coming school year I will at least feel I have spared them some much needed time to adjust. After all, isn’t that what bankruptcy provides for all of us in some shape or other - a period to adjust to a new way of living? I know that is what it means to me and my wife anyway.
No more unnecessary expenditures. Life will be about what we need, not what we want. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t spend my family into this mess by living high on the hog, so to speak. And I don’t imagine most that search for help and find this site had a goal to declare bankruptcy because they spent freely with no intention of ever paying back what they borrowed, far from it. When it became apparent to my wife and me that bankruptcy is our lone remaining prospect I can honestly say we were devastated. We felt there was nobody to turn to for advice. My wife simply needed empathy from friends and family, and when she sought it out all she got was a lot of useless ‘advice’. Until someone has been down this road they have no idea what a person needs to do, let alone the emotional distress it causes and how they can best provide it to a friend or family member. First, our thoughts were and continue to be about our children; how might this affect them now and in the future? Will they think their mom and dad are failures? Will they be teased at school when a big old nasty foreclosure sign goes up on the front lawn? Are they going to hate us when we curb or eliminate their social and sporting activities? After those questions make you cry a few hours the reality sets in and you are left with so many more practical considerations; and once again there is no where to turn for answers. How do I go about retaining a lawyer and how much does one cost? Can I do anything about the incessant phone calls? Should we be filing Chapter seven or Chapter thirteen? Should I keep the house? What advantage is there to a short sale vs. foreclosure? How does the foreclosure process work? How long might I expect to stay in a foreclosed home? What is an exemption? Can I keep my tax refund? How can I rent an apartment with a bankruptcy on my record? The list goes on and on and on... It’s really kind of funny, when I look back on how in two short months I have gone from an emotional basket case to a well informed, analytical, confident husband that my wife leans on for empathy, and advice... and I owe it all to you. Thank you BK Forum.
One final note: I tell my children often, “it is not what happens to you in life that matters; it’s what you do when it happens.” So, if you are reading this and feeling you have nowhere to turn, I advise you to start reading, you won’t be dissapointed.
I only wish I had the foresight to link to the very best information I found on this forum. Oh well, perhaps after all this is over... someday.
. I have not needed to post or start a thread up to this point because others have asked so many of the questions, which in the beginning, I was too emotional to consider or think about at the time. I truly believe that taking the emotion out of the equation (advice I got here), whenever and wherever possible, has allowed me to better prepare myself for an actual filing.Don’t get me wrong, I certainly made some mistakes along the way, but those mistakes have been limited or nonexistent since finding this site. For instance, cashing in a 401k, I wish I had never done that. This merely bought me some time before the inevitable. I don’t recommend anyone doing that unless you know for certain the time it buys you will resolve the real problem - how to cover your bills. A second mistake, while nowhere near as costly as cashing in a 401k fund and taking the penalties, was paying taxes out of pocket on property tied to a HELOC. I spent nearly $1200 on those taxes thinking that when I actually have to file bankruptcy I would still owe that money to the government upon discharge. This site taught me different; of course (Property taxes are tied to the property, and since I will lose that property the taxes would have been taken care of someone other than me). Now that I am so close to actually filing I see how important that money would be had I had it available post bankruptcy. And that is where my focus is right now; putting my family in the best possible financial position so when I eventually get discharged I can start fresh and limit the opportunity of something like this ever again happening in the future.
In order to start fresh, in my estimation I will have to come up with quite a sum of money. First and last month’s rent, possibly a security deposit too, moving costs, utilities hook up and incidentals. On top of that I can easily see the need to either make costly repairs (transmission) on a ten year old second vehicle, or be prepared to have the cash to purchase outright a reliable second hand car so my wife can get our smaller children back and forth to school from an apartment which most likely will be well out of range for bus pickup. I will attempt to stay in this home until at least September so the children return to the same school for one more year. The school is great and they have friends there. I know kids are a lot more resilient then some parents give them credit but losing the only home they have ever known and moving to a new neighborhood can be scary, so if I can forgo the added problems associated with attending a new school this coming school year I will at least feel I have spared them some much needed time to adjust. After all, isn’t that what bankruptcy provides for all of us in some shape or other - a period to adjust to a new way of living? I know that is what it means to me and my wife anyway.
No more unnecessary expenditures. Life will be about what we need, not what we want. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t spend my family into this mess by living high on the hog, so to speak. And I don’t imagine most that search for help and find this site had a goal to declare bankruptcy because they spent freely with no intention of ever paying back what they borrowed, far from it. When it became apparent to my wife and me that bankruptcy is our lone remaining prospect I can honestly say we were devastated. We felt there was nobody to turn to for advice. My wife simply needed empathy from friends and family, and when she sought it out all she got was a lot of useless ‘advice’. Until someone has been down this road they have no idea what a person needs to do, let alone the emotional distress it causes and how they can best provide it to a friend or family member. First, our thoughts were and continue to be about our children; how might this affect them now and in the future? Will they think their mom and dad are failures? Will they be teased at school when a big old nasty foreclosure sign goes up on the front lawn? Are they going to hate us when we curb or eliminate their social and sporting activities? After those questions make you cry a few hours the reality sets in and you are left with so many more practical considerations; and once again there is no where to turn for answers. How do I go about retaining a lawyer and how much does one cost? Can I do anything about the incessant phone calls? Should we be filing Chapter seven or Chapter thirteen? Should I keep the house? What advantage is there to a short sale vs. foreclosure? How does the foreclosure process work? How long might I expect to stay in a foreclosed home? What is an exemption? Can I keep my tax refund? How can I rent an apartment with a bankruptcy on my record? The list goes on and on and on... It’s really kind of funny, when I look back on how in two short months I have gone from an emotional basket case to a well informed, analytical, confident husband that my wife leans on for empathy, and advice... and I owe it all to you. Thank you BK Forum.
One final note: I tell my children often, “it is not what happens to you in life that matters; it’s what you do when it happens.” So, if you are reading this and feeling you have nowhere to turn, I advise you to start reading, you won’t be dissapointed.
I only wish I had the foresight to link to the very best information I found on this forum. Oh well, perhaps after all this is over... someday.
) Stopped paying creditors: Aug 2010 Filed Chap 7: Apr 29, 2011 341: Jun 1, 2011 Report of no distribution: Jun 1, 2011 Discharged Aug 2, 2011 
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