Help!

[dasherkin]

those same friends of yours are probably in a mountain of debt and need to file too but wont because of your reasons, the feeling of not owing anyone is better then being upset your friends know you filed bk it's not their business, who cares what they think

[Fletch]

Wow people just sit and wait to find news about each other.

Before I filed I asked my Attorney the same question and he stated that its public record but it would take a person specifically looking for that info.

I say if one of my neighbors find out or whoever all the power to them and they dont know the reasons why. It certainly was not how I would have liked things to turn out but beyond my control.

By the time I filed (and I am sure most on this board were the same) I could care less who found out. It was about choosing sides...providing housing and food for my children or feeding greedy bankers who offered little to no help.

[HHM]

Bottom line, the fear and shame are in YOUR head. In most states, roughly 10% of the population has filed BK; so next time you go to store, count 10 people at least 1 of them will have filed BK.

[chrisdfw]

We are trying to help.... As to reputation would you rather be lumped in with closed minded people who might judge you for dealing with your problems

or people like these:
Henry Ford, Francis Ford Coppola, Samuel Clemens, Charles Goodyear, Ulysses S. Grant

People struggle with debt, deal with it, and move on. If you worry about what people think you will lose out on many things in life.
I know many people have more trouble with this than I do.

I am blessed with testosterone which gives me the power to tell people to **** off. I suggest you practice if necessary, because
if you are willing to sacrifice your financial future over what people think you will have many many problems for the rest of your life.

[lillymarlene]

Going through bankruptcy, has made me realize which things are really important. What people who really weren't my friends to begin with think is NOT important. I am more concerned with being able to try to keep my home and feed my family.

[Nicollette]

going through bankruptcy, has made me realize which things are really important. What people who really weren't my friends to begin with think is not important. I am more concerned with being able to try to keep my home and feed my family.

Very well said...

[papie]

Heh.

I'm from a small town, I know exactly how you feel.....but guess what? Those people don't matter.

I would encourage you to ask yourself what exactly this "reputation" is that you have to protect? Why does it matter what a bunch of random people say about you? Are they going to fund your retirement? Pay your bills? Make those settlement payments? I think not. Anyone who is worth worrying about will understand your situation.

Life is way too short to live by the opinions and expectations of others. I think you're better than that. It's your life and none of these people are going to solve your problems for you, so therefore their opinions are moot.

[SunshineGal]

I think I'm going to raid my IRA now and not file, because I live in the most judgmental pocket of holier-than-thou people imaginable and I can't stand to have them discuss me and my business for months. My question is, now that I'm 60 days out and have screwed my great credit over, if I tell my creditors that I'm considering bankruptcy will they offer a settlement? Or will I have to risk more and accrue more late charges before they offer anything like that? I'm desperate and upset. I guess this teaches me a big lesson, like don't accept a lawyer's word without checking things out for yourself. Of course I can't get my $1500 back because they're prepared to file.

Most of the creditors will probably offer a settlement, but be careful. First, the balance they *forgive* will be reported to the IRS as income and you'll get a 1099. Then, the IRA withdraw will be counted as income. So, be ready to pay a huge tax bill to the IRS when it's all said and done.

[sheilaE]

Adding my 2 cents in. We wanted & needed to file over 5 years ago-the reason we didn't? We are from a small town that publishes the names in the news paper, so we put it off, hoping for a miracle. The miracle never happened and here we are 5 years later getting ready to file next month. We could have been done had we filed five years ago and on top of that my husband is hoping to retire in 2 years, which is going to throw everything for a loop! I'm so upset with myself for letting my pride keep us from filing and be done with it.

In those five years we've had many friends who have had to file and we saw names in the paper of acquaintances who also had to file. I never thought anything bad about them. I knew exactly what they were going through. We've also known people who have filed and recovered nicely. In 5 years people will have forgotten and if they don't....who cares, they aren't the ones having to pay your bills each month.

[Jacey]

I filed today against the advice of all the voices in my head. It had to be done, and I feel like a real sh*&t.

[SunshineGal]

Hi Jacey,

Congrats on taking that leap. I know it's hard, but think of the future and how much better off you will be in the long run! Before long that feeling of dread will be replaced with relief!

SG

[lookingforward]

Hi Jacey:
I also live in a VERY small town. Everyone knows everyone's business. We knew everyone would find out immediately once we filed, but our vehicle was repossessed before we filed. Of course this was done by the sheriff department in the most public way possible. Then when we filed, our bank that held our mortgage returned paperwork to our lawyer, and guess who prepared it? Of course the lady who lives across the street from us who just happens to work at our bank. Our vehicle was auctioned off and this was advertised in the paper two or three times with our names and how much we owed. So every step along the way might as well have been plastered on a billboard. But we did what we had to do. It was worth it. Having all of these nosy people know my business just doesn't matter. You have to make the best decisions for you and your family and forget about the other people. Congrats on filing! Your new start is on the way!

[lorelei]

Jacey: Bankruptcy is a business decision. The courts and creditors don't look at your feelings about it, it's about facts.

I understand (boy, do I understand) the difficult emotions that can surround bankruptcy. But the bankruptcy itself is a business decision. And in my opinion and experience, it is best handled as a business decision, and not an emotional decision.

Don't be hard on yourself now. You're doing what you need to do to get your life under control. You should feel no worse for yourself than the CEOs of major banks who took government bailouts or the leaders of the auto industry on the day after those companies filed for bankruptcy.

I bet there are people around you who have gone through this themselves. I thought I was alone in this too, until I had the courage to tell some people where I volunteer. Now I know many.

[keepsmiling]

Jacey, congratulations on making the decision.
Don't be surprised if you are approached by some of your neighbors-- but they will probably be asking your advice on how to do this themselves.

[lillymarlene]

I think debt settlement sometimes of any type has to be one of the worst ideas. Recently, my brother sold off his vacation property that had a mortgage, when he was 5 months behind on the payments. He repaid the bank their balance in full. Then suddenly, a couple of his credit cards for no reason, shortened his limit and boosted his interest. When he ordered his credit report, he found that the bank almost considered this to be a "forced" sale, that they were almost about to foreclose. Then too, other creditors consider this to be negative.

I also, like what other people have said here, wouldn't worry about what narrow minded people who aren't your friends think.