Daughters 16 & 20 - tell them what's happening or not?

[leigha]

If we do file, I can't decide whether or not to tell our daughters. Is it something we may be able to keep from them or will it be too much to hide? I'd rather not stress them more than necessary. Of course, I understand it would all depend on if we kept the house and cars, etc. How many meetings are involved? What have your experiences been? Any help at this point is appreciated.

[HHM]

Why would you keep it from them? If you are stressed out about finances, they probably already sense that.

Inform yourself first about what is going to happen so you can be prepared to answer questions and reassure them, but tell them. Might as well use it as a learning opportunity. Keep in mind, bankruptcy is about "solving" a problem.

[Amanda123]

I understand your concern. I also understand HHM's response. Our children are 10 and 14. We will probably not tell the 10 y/o. I am afraid of scaring him or even his repeating it somewhere I wouldn't want him to. I have talked to my 14 y/o and explained that we are seeking legal help with our debt and how things are likely to change. I felt good about that and she seems to be learning some good money management skills now. It's important to me to teach them both how to be responsible with money.

[BobMango]

We told our three kids, 17, 15 and 14. Then again we discuss everything as a family. We've always been very open and have always approached moves, job changes, etc as a family decision. They took it well and helped us find ways to save money this last year and are proud to find ways to help.

[gmk]

Although I agree with the open family concept (We did tell our adult children) you have to decide who you want to know. Every kid in that age bracket, and of course older, has a best, "never tell on your secrets," friend who absolutely will tell all the other kids and/or their parents. Inevitable. Not a bad thing necessarily, but you should be aware of the consequences to you and your children. It may be harder on your kids when the class ***holes get wind of it. Just be prepared, plan a strategy.

[needanswers]

We let our kids know that things are changing in our household and we just don't have the money to buy whatever, whenever we want to anymore. We just never told them that we filed for BK. I think they are too young to fully understand.

[empowered]

I basically agree with needanswers on this one. Confidentiality can be difficult for kids, so if you could be affected by their talking to their friends and things getting back to your own friends or your work, you might want to consider that. It might be somewhat of a burden to them to tell them, and it might make them feel somehow different from their friends.

I wonder if just telling them that the family is going to downsize is enough. There's a recession, they probably have heard lots about that. Maybe you're just responding to the times and trying to be more prudent. This is what people do in bad times and all....

Either way, I hope it goes well for you.

[Flamingo]

16 and 20? They probably already know what is going on but just won't talk to you about it. Kids hear more than you think and see documents/papers come in the mail or around the house, hear you talking on the phone or cell phone or hear conversations between you and your spouse. There are always financial hardships prior to filing a BK and both of them have felt it probably for a while if they live with you. Our daughter was entering high school when we filed and she saw the impact of the job loss to our household and the resulting downward spiral of trying to pay bills and keep a house afloat on 70% less income. It would have been impossible to keep any financial secret.

Younger children may not understand but your daughters are old enough to understand (one is an adult) and this could be a good lessen for them as it was for our daughter who truly learned the value of money and saving from our Chapter 13.

[leigha]

Thanks for your input!