How open are you about your BK?

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Is your BK a secret?

Who knows? Who doesn't know?

I have been very open with most people about it. I'm not ashamed. The kids know too, we don't typically keep financial stuff from them. They don't completely understand it (the 11 yr old was under the impression that the money I owe the CCs will be coming TO me. I wish! )

Just wondering what others have done/are doing. I don't have an employer to think about, it's just family and friends.

[sunydoesitbe]

I've told a few close friends. I haven't told family. If it gets brought up I'm willing to admit it though. I did what I had to do, I'm over being ashamed.

[stormy]

I don't hide mine either; people close to me knew I was struggling so it's not a big surprise to them. My parents have been very understanding and supportive which was a surprise since I was sure I would be in for a lecture from my dad once he found out. Even at 47 years old he still likes to give me his opinion on things; whether I listen or not is another matter :0)

My divorce just left me with too much debt; there was no way I would ever dig myself out from under it. My finances at the end of the month were beyond tight; when I started having to put gas for the car on a credit card I knew I was in trouble.

Since I've stopped paying my CC's and went to a cash only lifestyle the stress level has dropped dramatically. I have money to pay for what I need and really think about about buying things before making a purchase. Needs versus wants.

Sue

[SMinGA]

We discuss financial matters with my inlaws, but not my family. Not that my family would have issues (my parents filed ch. 13 years ago) but I'm not that close to my family these days in general.

We do discuss finances w/ the kids. Not down to the very last detail, but I want them to learn about finances, credit, debt, etc. They need to understand there are costs to consider and choices to make in life. My 10 year old this past weekend asked me if we were poor. I thought for a second, was not expecting the question, but I answered no. I pointed out we have all the things we need 'now' plus occasionally we get 'wants'. I went on to say that one of my jobs as a parent is to make sure we take care of what we need now plus what we know we're going to need soon. Like clothes, stuff for school, doctor's visits and such. If we did a bad job at that by spending foolishly, then we would end up 'poor'.

[ccsjoe]

My wife has confided in a couple close friends, I have confided in one close friend. Mostly someone to just bounce stuff off of or vent. Our daughter is only 4 so no need to explain there. My parents are overseas and way to old school, they'd claim to understand, but just get worried sick about us. Her parents are, well, unknown....estranged I guess is the best word. So, not really many people for us to confide in even if we did want to. I wouldn't qualify our BK a secret, but certainly a private, need to know basis matter. Not ashamed, stuff happens to everyone at anytime.

[citi022]

I’ve only told my close family (parents, brother and uncle) and one close friend who also filed BK last year. I was pleasantly surprised how supportive my family has been which was a relief because I really didn’t want any speeches. Might tell a couple of other close friends but that’s it, I am normally a very private person.

[ssmdem]

I've only been completely open with a few people -- my parents, my husband with his dad, and three of my friends about the bankruptcy. But the house we're surrendering, I've been a little more open about because, well, it's going to get out, and I'm certainly not going to lie about it. When people have asked, "Hey, where's your dining room table?" I just say, "We sold it - needed the money." Most know I've lost my job and my husband is getting less hours. I say we're going to have to move shortly and don't want to have to move it all. When they ask why -- I say "Can't afford the house." Some leave it right there with "Gosh, I'm sorry -- know that must be hard." The ones that venture on with, "Are you selling it?" I just respond with -- "Wish I could. We're severely upside down on the loan and we're trying to work out something with the bank right now. But yeh, if you hear of any rentals, let me know." I'd rather be the one to tell them then the town starting gossiping when the Auction sign shows up in the yard.

[Ann]

We told my brother and that is it. It is nobody's business but ours. If I'm ever asked I will admit it but it is not something I am willing to discuss! Not ashamed at all...I'm glad we had that option but discussing my finances with world is something I would rather not do.

[LadyInTheRed]

Both my family and my husband's family know. We wanted them to know why we might not be able to partcipate in activities we might have in the past, why we can't hop on a plane to visit for a weekend so often and why our gift-giving habits were suddenly going to change.

I didn't think I would tell friends. But, when I saw people and they asked "what's new," the BK was what was foremost on my mind, so that's what came out of my mouth. None have been outwardly judgemental and most have been supportive. Some were initially worried, until I explained things. A lot of people were extremely interested and had questions about whether that would be a good option for them or somebody else they know. If some are secretly passing judgment, I don't really care what they think!

[SweetGeorgia]

I've been pretty open about it with my friends, partly because I've been in the thick of it for more than a year now. I don't know how I would keep it a secret, or what else I would talk about!

The arcane details of bankruptcy law don't make the best small talk, I admit.

Actually, I think that talking about it is the best way to dispel shame, stereotypes, and misconceptions. I believe that public opinion has changed a lot in the last year or so; it really doesn't seem like bankruptcy (or foreclosure, or debt default) carries the same stigma that it did.

I've learned a lot, really more than I wanted to know.

[empowered]

I prefer to avoid the judgment of others and I do believe there is plenty of judgment, even if it is hidden. As I've gotten older I've also become at least somewhat less free about what information I share.

Even on this list some people seem to need to differentiate their own reasons for bankruptcy from those of others and to let people know that they were forced to file not because of poor handling of credit cards but because they had a medical emergency or something else. And that's regardless of the usurious interest rates that this country allows to be applied to credit or the lack of regulation of the credit industry. Same for home owners who were fortunate enough to buy at another time versus those who tried to get into the market by the seat of their pants later on. Sure, nobody should lie on their applications but that kind of thing should be separated from mortgage companies taking advantage of their customers. It just seems like when people don't share any given situation, it can be hard for them to refrain from judgment and you can pretty much blame a person for any difficulty they encounter if that's your cup of tea. Usually people need to sort these issues out for themselves, imo.

But the few people I feel close to do know; unfortunately that does not include what little family I have. I've gotten to the point in my life where I don't like having to explain myself to people and if I don't feel close to them there's no point in doing so anyway. But if someone I meet begins to talk about bankruptcy, I would be very open with them about what I've learned and make sure they knew of any pitfalls that I knew of that were commonly encountered or any resources that were helpful to me, including this one. Everyone needs support in this process. And, as I've said in another post, I think even a good civic-minded thing to do to file pro se, if your case is simple enough to allow it, and learn a bit more about how to navigate between one's own finances and the legal world. I will feel more competent in tending to my own financial and legal matters, whether through an attorney or on my own behalf, because of this experience.

[debtprison]

I don't talk about it and I treat much as I would in talking or not talking about favorite sexual positions. Most people just don't need to know. I'm sure some have looked it up and realize I filed but no one as of yet has ever brought it up.

Most people would not judge me poorly because they know how I am. I lead a sort of minimalist lifestyle. I have no cell phone. I have no personal vehicle. I live in a cheap apartment. And the phone service I do have is nearly free. Yet at the same time I've never taken a dime in government welfare such as food stamps or even unemployment. I'm a struggling business owner and though I don't make much anymore, what I do make is mine and I have earned it and I do not waste my money on superfluous things. I routinely live on $800 - $1100 a month and have done so for years.

[Maine]

I have told a few people, closest friends, my parents and a co-worker who just went through it. Mostly I am met with "OMG! I didn't know it was that bad for you guys!" REALLY?!?!?!? Because getting food at the food bank is usually an indication that things are BAD! And these are the people who knew about that too.

Only one friend was a little thoughtless with her comments about it, and I think that comes from the "mirror" effect. She sees so much of her situation on ours, and is still in denial- using one cc to pay the other, barely staying above water. At least when she gets "here" she will know someone who went through it, and I promise not to be rude when she calls

[empowered]

Gosh, debtprison, I'd talk about my favorite sexual positions over bankruptcy any day. But I'm with you on the cellphone issue. Phones should stay at home where they belong.

[Exployer1234]

I am pretty open about my BK. I told my parents, my in-laws, and a couple of close friends. I ended up having to tell my employer what was going on because I had a sheriff show up at work serving my employer with my wage garnishment. I had to tell her I was waiting for the judgement to go through on the wage garnishment before I filed BK. I explained my whole story and my employer was very understanding. She even explained her son had just went through the same thing. I work for a private company that is very small. My BK was not held against me, and I am thankful for this.

I don't talk to everyone about my BK that I do not know. I personally only have told people who were close to me. It is pretty obvious when you have a very expensive car in the driveway one day and then a tow truck shows up to take it away. On top of that if someone knows that you have lost a great paying job it is pretty obvious what is going on. If someone asked I would not hide it. I am not ashamed about what I had to do. If the economy had not crashed I would not have lost my job. I think people may be more understanding in today's times because of all the companies that have closed. So many people have taken a huge pay cut that BK is more common then it was in previous years.