Starting from ground zero

[researchnerd]

Everyday just seems to get worse. If I actually knew what or when the worst part was, then I could at least look forward to getting to that point and getting it over with. The attorney says that this is going to be very very nasty, and has the chance to linger on long after any BK if it doesn't get discharged, which there may be a chance of happening.

Please don't try to do this alone. Talk to your doc about a counseling referral TODAY. Do not try to protect your family from everything, it is SO not worth having a heart attack over. Whatever your situation is, people have been through much worse and survived. Just take it day by day and work it out. Despite what you think at this moment, your family would not be better off without you, so don't even allow yourself that melodrama.

It may help to talk through some what-if scenarios with your attorney or a close friend. Talk with your wife about realistic solutions. What is the worst possible thing that could happen? What's your biggest fear? Losing your home? Losing your business? Lawsuit? You don't have to answer these here, just think about it and talk about it, don't try to keep it to yourself. There is no debtor's prison, so unless you did something illegal, bankruptcy is as bad as it gets. And as awful as all of those things sound, none of them matter. Perspective is crucial.

Your parents will be fine. Your kids will be fine. Just be there for them, love them, and let them know you are doing the very best you can with a rotten situation.

[highlife]

I appreciate the kind words, I really do. However, the chances of talking to a counselor are probably zero. I'm just trying to keep a roof and food on the table at this point.

Not trying to dwell in the melodrama either. I guess I really don't have any friend that I can confide in with this type of thing. Sort of the curse of working by yourself all the time I guess. My wife and I discuss scenarios on a very limited basis. She has some heart issues, and does not handle stress well. I try to keep her in the loop with developments, but also try to absorb all of the stress as best I can. I guess that is why I am posting things here. I really don't feel I have anyone I can talk to, so it's pretty tough. I wish I was stronger, but I'm not.

Like you said, if BK was the worst part, then I would gladly take my lumps and start over. The thing that sucks the hope out of me is that the attorney states the bank will do an AP. If they prevail and it doesn't get discharged, it will literally follow me the rest of my life with garnishments, etc. It's a very large amount because of the business. I will never be able to own or do anything. What sort of life is that for my wife and kids? What sort of role model for my kids will I really be?

Also, I try to run the worst case or "what if" scenarios by my attorney. I agree with doing that, it at least makes me feel like I am actively fighting for myself. The problem is my attorney has this "sometimes you just have to let the shit hit the fan and deal with it after that" philosophy. I'll ask about what may happen, or what do you think the bank is trying to do, etc. Their reply is "I don't have a crystal ball, I don't know what they are thinking." It make sme frustrated, but I try to see their point of view as well. The attorney has been doing this for 30+ years and has a good rep. I am sure I have way more questions and fears than the average client as well. I guess that is another reason I use the forum, is to find out answers or opinons to questions I have. I just hate the "we will just deal with things as they happen" approach. I don't think the bank's attorney is winging it. I'm sure they have a battle plan outlined, with multiple "plan B" sceanrios depending on how things unfold. Hell, I can't even figure out what chapter I need to file at this point.


To everone that reads and or replies, thanks for being my "on-line" counselors. You are helping me more than you can imagine!

[highlife]

Well, I was wondering when the low point will be. I think I may have just hit it.

Originally I alone was going to have to file a BK. Turns out my wifes name is on the 3rd mortgage that has initiated foreclosure. None of the debt is her fault, it's all from my business. Don't think I can keep her safely out of it at this point. Can't see any way of making it through this as a family anymore. Honestly hoping for the heart attack at this point. Insurance would pay off all the debts, let her keep the house, and still give her about $500k. I can't see any other possible way I can be of any better use to this family anymore. I'm not saying I'm going to try and take myself out. Just if the big hits, I'm not calling 911, that's for sure.

Not looking for sympathy, or help, or anything else. I just have nobody to confide in or talk to about this. Just my way of trying to talk about how everything feels. Thanks for letting me vent.

[AbbeyA]

Well, I was wondering when the low point will be. I think I may have just hit it.

Originally I alone was going to have to file a BK. Turns out my wifes name is on the 3rd mortgage that has initiated foreclosure. None of the debt is her fault, it's all from my business. Don't think I can keep her safely out of it at this point. Can't see any way of making it through this as a family anymore. Honestly hoping for the heart attack at this point. Insurance would pay off all the debts, let her keep the house, and still give her about $500k. I can't see any other possible way I can be of any better use to this family anymore. I'm not saying I'm going to try and take myself out. Just if the big hits, I'm not calling 911, that's for sure.

Not looking for sympathy, or help, or anything else. I just have nobody to confide in or talk to about this. Just my way of trying to talk about how everything feels. Thanks for letting me vent.

I agree that all of this is awful -- I am living through it right now and holding my breath that tomorrow will come by and pass w/out the bank filing an objection/AP against my dh. If you were to die, your creditors would take the insurance money. Your wife would then lose that money, as well as her husband.

My dh and I are in a very similar situation as you, which I told you about. I do not blame my dh -- I never will either! I am much better with him here, with a father for my kids and a husband at my side - broke for the rest of our lives or not!

I plan on posting more to you later on when the kids are in bed ... hang in there, please?

[lorelei]

Highlife, I can really, REALLY empathize with a lot of what you are saying. This past week has been about the worst in my life, and I'm crying all the time and can't sleep. I really understand how all-consuming this is. I'm there with you. And believe me, I understand why you feel at this point that a quick death would be better than all this uncertainty and fear and worry.

I don't want you to feel like you have no one to talk to.

At the least, at the very least, please consider calling a hotline. I actually volunteer for one. It's probably long distance for you, but if you have the minutes/free long distance, please consider calling The Listening Ear at 517-337-1717. It's anonymous and confidential - we don't even have caller ID. I know there are many other hotlines out there, and probably one in your area. This is just the one I happen to know best. There are people out there who are just waiting for someone like you to call in.

In many areas of the country, you can also dial 2-1-1 to be connected with community services. Many places have crisis counseling available at free or no cost, even if it's just by phone. They may also be services around that specifically work with people in financial crisis.

I can tell you're a person who loves his family very, very much. You want to do anything you can to make this time easier for them. That's exactly the kind of person the world needs more of. It would be a damn shame if you weren't in it, and even more so if you weren't here because of a bank.

[AbbeyA]

Ok Highlife, how are you doing? Having to go through BK and all of the stress from everything is horrible ... you WILL get through it.

Are you still as low as you were the other day? Please consider talking to your doctor about starting an antidepressant. I will help you cope with things.

When are you going to file?