even tho i just started the bk process i feel a sense of relief already. throughout the past 2 years of the great recession, i have had lots of time to beat myself up for the financial quagmire i have found myself in and have fought and fought and fought. i am coming to believe that just because i go bk in my late 40s, i lose my business etc., i am not a bad person, an irresponsible person etc. it is hard and sometimes daily or even minute by minute i have to remind myself of that. i have been doing everything possible to get my head above water and save my business but it just is not working! Duh! just because my present door is about to close, doesnt mean another one is not about to open. it is very zen actually. i have learned in these past 2 years of poverty what is really important in life and the 'things' i have already lost are just things--even the brand new car that was repo-ed.. applying again for food stamps and other assistance as a 'business owner' has been humbling to say the least but since i have made the decision to file bk--it is really a matter of perspective. i can either look at it like my world is about to end or it is just the beginning of something new and exciting. these past 2 years have been pure hell--full of stress and hurt and shame both on me and those close to me. why didnt i do it sooner? it doesnt matter. i had to go thru what i went thru to get to the point i am at today. and that is...a faith and belief that it WILL get better. it has to
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