Chickened out and paid the bill

[ssmdem]

I just can't seem to make myself do it. My plan was to not pay the mortgage this month and at least try for a modification for the loan before filing bankruptcy in the months down the road. Today was the final day and I just chickened out and made the payment online. I keep thinking - if I just get that job, we can do this without bankruptcy. I give myself one more month to try every time I do. How did you ever get up the nerve to just do it???

[frogger]

Many times it's not a matter of getting up the nerve. It's more like a simple feeling of your nuts being squeezed so hard you can't breath.

[PyroGuy]

I suggest drinking heavily the night before your mortgage is due...they while wasted, hide your wallet.

That would probably do the trick......

[ssmdem]

I'm sure this month is the end of the end. It just happened to be a 3 paycheck month so we had the extra. Next month when we're back to just 2 a month, we'll run short again. We run short every month, but we've just been making up the difference with the credit cards. They're cut up and trashed, so don't have that option any longer. It's inevitable - guess I'm just trying to buy some time.

[zpbk13]

I think many of us can relate to how you feel as we went through the same pain and agony as well. For me and my husband our bk was a strategic move. I saw the writing on the wall that our finances were headed downhill and we just could not keep robbing Peter to pay Paul. During our consultation with our attorney, she asked us if we were serious about filing and we said yes but I told her how it take a while to save up the money for the bk filing so I was going to continue to pay the minimums on the credit cards. She asked me why. I could honestly not think of a good reason. That was the turning point for us right there. It's about taking a long term view.

Now with my husband out of work for about 7 months, we are faced with losing our home. It's more emotional for me than I thought it would be. I have scraped together the payments for the past six months but just had to write a check to the IRS for $3,000 (long long story). I realized that yes, I could possibly scrapr the mortgage payment together again this month but definitely not in May so why make the payment? Why not begin to build our little nest egg for when the house is foreclosed on? Fortunately, we did not reaffirm so we can walk away. It was hard not to make the payment yesterday but I am taking my own advice and taking a long term view. We can no longer afford our home and it was dumb on our part to buy so much house and depend on two salaries to maintain it.

Well, that's our story. OP, I hope you are able to make the right decision for you and your family.

[ssmdem]

As of right now, we don't plan on reaffirming either. We're in the same boat - this house payment is just too big for one salary, and I don't know when I'm ever going to find another job making what I was. We COULD do it once the credit cards are discharged but with very little left over at the end of the month. I just don't want to keep living like that. Just kinda like losing a piece of my heart though - I designed this house, we built it ourselves - it was built with the intention of my babies growing up here and us retiring here - hard to walk away from that vision.

[LeslieF]

I am just starting the process of filing and the advice i get over and over is to stop paying my creditors. It has been a long and painful process to come to the decision to file so now I am going to take the advice from others who have been through it. Actually, I don't have balls but if I did I think they have been in a vice grip this past year and just making the decision has giving me a sense of freedom I have not had for a long time!

[OregonMom]

The stress was making me so sick that I ended up at hospital getting ct scans trying to figure out why I was getting sick all of the time. It was then I knew I just had to give it all up, house, car, and file bankruptcy. This might help out some, the only people who I know of who got their mortgages remodified had stopped paying payments for 6+ months and they had a foreclosure date before the bank agreed to remodify. Our bank offered to modify the second but the first, Chase, never would.

[ssmdem]

The stress was making me so sick that I ended up at hospital getting ct scans trying to figure out why I was getting sick all of the time. It was then I knew I just had to give it all up, house, car, and file bankruptcy. This might help out some, the only people who I know of who got their mortgages remodified had stopped paying payments for 6+ months and they had a foreclosure date before the bank agreed to remodify. Our bank offered to modify the second but the first, Chase, never would.

Hmm, ours is with Chase too. I'm definitely not making the house payment next month. Couldn't even if I wanted to. Got my last big paycheck this month, so next month will be slim pickings. I'm toying with one of the credit cards as far as paying it next month because I had a semi-large purchase on it earlier this month, and I don't want that bank to have a reason to object. If I don't pay the mortgage, I'll be able to make the minimum payment on that card, even though I know it's money I'm throwing away - but I'm trying to look at it as if I'm paying to avoid a possible objection when I file. I want as few hiccups as possible with all this mess. I'm already stressing enough as it is.

I hear ya on the stress too. I've been sick for weeks. Will cry at the drop of a hat. My blood sugar is out of control, and whatever I do eat rarely stays down. I know I've got to get a grip for my family's sake, and my own health. It's just hard cause I don't want to tell anyone what's really going on.

[zpbk13]

I have been on antidepressant for months and have a host of other health problems. They are not all related to the anxiety of the debt load we were carrying but many of them are related. It was tough to stop paying the bills and it just about killed not to make the mortgage payment this month but as my one friend says, it's time to put on my "big girl panties" and do what I know is best for my family. It would just have made no sense to pay $1300 for a mortgage knowing I can't make the payment next month.

Hubby and I have talked it over and we are not interested in a mod. We actually want to move to the west coast (we have family there). I want to go to school full-time. I have spent my whole life doing what others tell me is the responsible thing. I am going on 43 years old. We have no debt thanks to our discharge (including not having to worry about a deficiency from the house); we are willing to live very simply and I am finally going to fulfill my dream of going to college.

ssmdem - I know what you mean about not wanting others (especially family) to know your business. I confided in my sis which was fine but then I told my brother and he started blabbing around the family. I had a long talk with him and he apologized and I'm getting over the embarassment. If anyone in my family would like to make my $1300 a month house payment, I will gladly take any and all donations. My new attitude is that I just don't care what other people think about me.

[OregonMom]

I hear ya on the stress too. I've been sick for weeks. Will cry at the drop of a hat. My blood sugar is out of control, and whatever I do eat rarely stays down. I know I've got to get a grip for my family's sake, and my own health. It's just hard cause I don't want to tell anyone what's really going on.

when we first started to file I wanted a few people as possible to know what we were doing, it felt dirty to ditch it all. I told my sister and found out two of her husband's brothers were doing, pretty soon I found out my mom and step dad were doing it, we finally just told everyone and that was a HUGE relef and a weight off our shoulders. A few family members were critical but I told them I was an adult and they could just keep their mouth shut if they didn't like it. I have now found out my 80 year old great grandparents are in a financial bind and are thinking of filing. My point is, is that it is easier to tell everyone then to try and hide it, escpecially if you are giving up a home they know you didn't sell.

[ssmdem]

My point is, is that it is easier to tell everyone then to try and hide it, escpecially if you are giving up a home they know you didn't sell.

I think that's my main issue with all of this. I hate to lose the home, but I'm REALLY looking forward to moving on with our lives and having some peace with all of this. However, we live in a VERY small community, and although no one will know about the bankruptcy probably unless I tell them, they WILL know we let the house and the rental property go into foreclosure. I've confided in a few that we were going to have the let the house go and when I tell them what our mortgage payment is and how much we're upside down, they've all said, "I don't know how you've held on this long!" But I know people are still going to talk, and that's the part I'm just not looking forward to. I know I shouldn't care, I know if they're critical they weren't really friends anyway, but it's still hard.

[zpbk13]

I was thinking something similar about our neighbors mostly. Our street is so nice and quiet. Everyone takes such great care of their lawns and such. Once we move out (and we're staying until the Sheriff says go), I'm sure the place will fall into disarray. I hate to see it happen and I'm sure the neighbors will talk as we have one of the largest houses on the street. Sigh. Nothing I can do about that, I guess.

[ssmdem]

I was thinking something similar about our neighbors mostly. Our street is so nice and quiet. Everyone takes such great care of their lawns and such. Once we move out (and we're staying until the Sheriff says go), I'm sure the place will fall into disarray. I hate to see it happen and I'm sure the neighbors will talk as we have one of the largest houses on the street. Sigh. Nothing I can do about that, I guess.

Sounds alot like our neighborhood. My kids have several friends here that they will still see in school everyday. I don't know what to tell them to say. We plan on staying as long as possible as well.

The pool is what kills me. Without the pump running every day and the chlorine being kept up, I know it's just going to kill it - and living by a lake, we get alot of snakes, which are just going to LOVE the new water hole!

[keepinitreal]

I was thinking something similar about our neighbors mostly. Our street is so nice and quiet. Everyone takes such great care of their lawns and such. Once we move out (and we're staying until the Sheriff says go), I'm sure the place will fall into disarray. I hate to see it happen and I'm sure the neighbors will talk as we have one of the largest houses on the street. Sigh. Nothing I can do about that, I guess.

That's smart to stay in your house as long as you possibly can. If you wait until you are forced to leave, the new owner will be right behind you so hopefully the place won't fall into disarray.