Did you tell your children you were filing for BK?

[SMinGA]

Mine are too young to really understand bankruptcy - ages 8, 10, 11. But we discuss finances to a certain extent with them. So that they understand we must prioritize and take care of needs first, and that we can't fulfill all wants.

[lolie]

Being selective with who we tell

I think it's personal to each person about who they tell and who they are comfortable with telling.

Personally, I would not tell my kids unless they were mature enough to handle it and understand. Kids, especially young kids don't need adult problems. They will personalize too much and put some money blame on themselves. I know this from personal childhood experience. I'm letting my children be children, however they are young. It might be different if they were in their late teens.

We did tell both sets of parents and our closest friends, all of which completely understand and are non-judgmental. Not to say, they didn't have that look of shock and sympathy. It's just nice to know that you have someone on your side. People can surprise you.

Just my thoughts.

[fireworks]

No kids yet - if/when we have kids we won't hide it, but won't necessarily bring it up without a reason.

When I first logged in to PACER I didn't have a case number yet so I did a search by last name. It turns out that my mother filed for bankruptcy several years ago. At that point I was in my mid-20s and living on my own, I knew she was having money problems but didn't know the extent. I skimmed through the filing and see that she had been sued by one of her creditors for non-payment. She knows that we're in the process but hasn't every mentioned it to me. I was surprised to see that, but I guess it's really none of my business.

[sheilaE]

We haven't filed as of yet, but if we don't tell them-someone else might. We live in a fairly small city and every Sunday our local news paper publishes the names of people who file bankruptcy. Nice huh.

[woeisme]

I told my son, he was 12 when we filed our CH 13, knew we'd be in it for 5 years, not like he wouldn't ever see a letter from the CH 13 trustee! Plus since he's going to go through most of his teen years with us in BK, needs to understand why we can't just buy whatever or do whatever. I did impress on him that our finances are no one else's business, as far as I know he hasn't told anyone else about it. Didn't tell my Mom, she had a cow when my brother filed several years back, don't want to hear it from her, plus she's 76, she doesnt' need the stress of worrying about me anyhow.

[BrokeOR]

Like Mi Bankruptcy, we have not and will not tell our 19 year old about our BK. We're not ashamed to share our financial situation, which unraveled over a quick 18 months of a near-industry collapse in our business and required a huge depletion of resources to try to live. We shared that all with him, as well as the good news (but too late for our personal situation) that the business is in recovery mode. We needed him to understand the budget constraints and to help more with his colleges expenses.

But like Mi, we were concerned about who that information might slip to (our son is very close to someour close friends' kids), and to ensure privacy we'rechoosing not to tell him now.

[keptdigging]

My kid is 9, very bright, but doesn't live with me. And even though I haven't filed yet, I'm sharing the whole thing. It forces me to put it into perspective for him... and for myself. I think it's much better than carrying around a "big secret."

This thread has got me thinking--the fact that he's young and this is out of his experience makes it a very teachable moment... it might be very different with a snarky teenager. My only regret is that he saw how hard I worked on the unsuccessful venture that led to this and it might discourage him from every trying hard to do something important. On the other hand, it's a great opportunity to teach about getting knocked down and getting back up with a positive attitude... by example. The only way that kids really learn.

People have to tell kids of all ages about serious, potentially terminal, health problems. This is "just" money...

However, unlike some others here, I don't have big privacy concerns. I've told him it's a secret but his mom knows and there's no one he could tell that would affect my business or prospects.

[DiamondsR]

I told my sons, as otherwise my attempts to live within a strict budget would have failed. Since it's public record, I really don't care if they tell anyone.
They are snarky teens and we're in therapy (for other reasons - thanks to the people who suggested it here). The oldest,a high-functioning autistic 17 year old, has become obsessed with finances, how to save money and thinks credit cards and debt are evil. He talks to the television when ads for furniture stores come up saying "no payments for 6 months" and calculates how much interest the stores will make if you make minimum payments thereafter (he's really quick with numbers). At Nordstroms Rack, when the saleswoman asked if I wanted to apply for a credit card, he started telling her that making minimum payments would make the $25 pants cost more than $175 over time so no thanks (the people behind me in line started laughing).

It was important that I tell them because I think as a society we try to sanitize our children's lives too much (which also contributed to why I was in debt - trying to buy them everything to ensure success or temporary happiness because the domestic situation was so unbearable). Many years ago when my father lost a lot of work (back during the oil embargo), even though my sisters and I were very young, they were open and said we were going through financial problems and we all pitched in and didn't complain or add to our parents' financial woes and were able to weather it well. I remember giving our savings from allowances to our parents and not asking for an allowance for over a year without so much as a peep. When I compared my kids to myself younger than they are now, I realized I'd raised them to be rather spoiled, instant gratification consumers. My bankruptcy is a teachable momment because my ex husband and I didn't take the time to do the right thing when they were younger.

[jennordhavn]

I didn't tell my kids. When I filed they were 9 and 2. I probably would have told them if they were older....maybe teenagers or young adults.

[marie]

I didn't tell my daughter, but a collector called her cellphone, so then I told her.

She thinks we are doing the right thing to get a fresh start.